hi everyone..first time i've posted FF. i was reading an earlier thread about when you knew you wanted to be fat. i was going to reply, but i thought i had more to get off my chest on the subject. first of all i'm a 51 year old guy with a lifelong dream of being extremely fat. i've always been that way, whether it was stuffing pillows under my t-shirts or filling my shirts with slightly moist sand from the sandbox as a little boy. by the way the sand was messy, but it looked pretty realistic. my eyes were always drawn to fat people, men or women. i'm not gay or anything, but whenever i saw a guy with a huge gut, i always wished it was me. back then as a young man i was too self concious to get fat. too worried about all the negativity i would get from family and friends. looking back i think if the internet and sites like this one and others had been around i might have had the courage to go for it. but back in the mid seventies and early eighties i felt pretty much alone in the world. i wonder if my life might have been different had i gotten fat. would i have met a ffa without even realizing it, instead of the having a string of failed relationships with skinny women who liked thin guys. in my thirties i did finally start dating bbw's at least, not hiding that preference anymore. in my late thirties i finally opened up about my own desires to lady i was living with the past three years after i had gained some weight unintentionally. i admitted i liked the exta weight and at first she didn't have a problem with it. but as that 20 pounds changed to 60 pounds and i confessed i really wanted to gain another 100 to 150 pounds she freaked out and left, basically calling me a freak. after that i lost the weight i had gained, even though i really loved being kinda fat, because i thought i would never meet anyone if i was fat. i never gained the weight back and today i'm pretty average weight wise, gone thru another failed marriage and filled with regret about not being the fat man i wanted to be, yet still filled with desire to gain. sadly even with the internet i've never been able to meet a female feeder and i confess i'm just too scared to go it alone. i still think back to that time i gained 60+ pounds and i know if my girlfriend had been okay with it i would have been over 400 pounds within a few years. i'm so sad that did not happen. anyway, thanks for listening.
16 years