forum  weightgain

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

Like many of you, as a child I was intensely drawn to cartoon shows and movies where characters got fat. I even used to stuff pillows in my shirt just to see what it felt like. I always fantasized about getting fat, always got excited when my pants got too tight and even kept tight pants for years, then wore them once I had gained weight to see if I could pop the buttons off.

Now that I'm an adult however, I want to better explore that side of my sexuality, and I can't really do it. I know it's a part of me and that it's something I want badly, but for some reason it's too embarrassing in my mind to fully accept (I understand that doesn't make sense and in no way do I consider being a feedee something to be ashamed of). I understood that I was a feeder/FA by the time I was 13, and at that time, I sort of decided that it was all my fantasies had been about. It took me years but I can finally admit it (at least to an anonymous website smiley) and it feels amazing.

I'm 6'2, formerly athletic, currently husky, straight, and very into the idea of a dominant female feeder. I recently reached a huge milestone - 300 pounds. I never thought I would be this heavy and it took months of ignoring my belly getting bigger and doubting scales, assuming they were just broken as the numbers got higher and higher. But when I was weighed at the doctor and saw the look on her face, it was like it kickstarted my feedee mind. The part of me that had subdued my inner feedee for years was intensely embarrassed and ashamed. The inner feedee however, instantly got excited and wanted to rub my hands over my bigger belly. But for some reason, when I try to fantasize about being fed and/or read weight gain fiction, I can never put myself in the shoes of the male feedee. It's always been so easy to assume the role of feeder in my imagination, but my mind still wants to fight the inner feedee, and I no longer want to. I think embracing this will make me a more whole person, so I am asking for help and advice.

Does anyone have tips on how they came to terms with their feedeeism and/or how they overcame personal embarrassment or discomfort at assuming the role that for years I only imagined for my partners, but not me?

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

I just told my partner about it and how i thought it came to be. Turns out she is into the same stuff so guess who's gonna be feeding together smiley

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

I can totally relate. It's like I have two different brains; one that wants to hit the gym and look like an underwear model and one that wants to chug melted butter with a funnel. Some days I look at my big fat gut with shame and disgust, other days I look at it with shame and disgust that it isn't twice the size!

I think it comes down to wanting to embrace societies body ideals or your own. Both are valid, and no one can tell you which will make you happier except yourself.

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

I struggle with this quite a bit. Being a gay man also adds a layer of frustration because the only requisite to having sex is basically how in shape you are. There's this app called grindr which is specifically made for gay guys to hook up for casual sex. It shows you pictures of other men who are also using the app, sorted by their distance to you. You never know when your neighbor might just happen to look like a fitness model and is looking for a suitable piece of ass.

All I'm saying is, looking at that stuff can really do a number on your self esteem. Doesnt even matter how much you enjoy being fat really.

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

Merlovinit- that's awful. From what I'd gleaned from my friends who are gay, I thought that the focus on build in the community were lessening. :-(

There should be a hookup app for chubby dudes called bouncr...

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

Haha there actually is one called grommr. The point isnt so much that I couldn't find feeders, but just that its hard not to crave traditional sex when you're surrounded by it. Even though I like fat, when I'm around skinny guys it just makes me feel bad about myself.

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

Are you into the bear scene at all? Maybe it would be easier to find confidence among other guys who appreciate chub?

difficulty accepting that i'm a feedee2 months

As one suggestion, if you have the opportunity try writing some feeding scenes, with different variants on what is going on, feeder, etc. Be brave in taking chances in writing, go places you think aren't you, and generally explore your reaction to various corners of those.

Once you understand what this means to you in more detail, you'll be in more control and it may not seem so hard.