General

You don't have a fetish, you're just selfish

I've struggled all my life with this question, Molly. At 48, I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to try to find someone with whom I can have the kind of sex I want, that has stuffing as one of its central activities. I love my partner and I'm not looking to leave him. But I can't just ignore what's been true all my life--that I want to stuff and be stuffed, and that swollen, binged feeling is a core part of my sexuality.

However, I wouldn't want to throw all the fish back until I found the mutual gainer who fulfilled all my other needs too, but perhaps that has to do with my mistrusts of monogamy as much as anything else. I don't know. All I know is, I'm not letting go of him, AND I'm not letting go of the idea I might find someone who understands my sexuality.
15 years

Interesting video about psychiatry

I don't think that youtube is exactly a reliable source of information, but I thought you'd find this video on psychiatry interesting.


I stumbled across it the other day when I was looking for information on experiments that have been done on the use of affirmations.
15 years

You don't have a fetish, you're just selfish

Mathias wrote:
Well as far as fetishes being selfish is a bit silly to be brought up in that most people are selfish when it comes to sex. Paraphilias make it a little more obvious is all. Really sex at best can be mutal, rarely is it good to give into only one person's desire. It is better to set it up for both and that is very possible to achieve if only both people are open with each other.


Sex is an area that a person can be selfish, and generous at the same time.
15 years

You don't have a fetish, you're just selfish

Molly,

I'm glad you have received so many wonderful responses - I enjoyed reading them and I think I learned some things as well!

My two cents worth - I used to subscribe to Psychology Today, but I discovered that it was more like Pop-Psychology Today! Everything was so over-simplified that I found it useless, even as an Intro Psych teacher. Scientific American Mind is much better.

Having said that, the basic definition of paraphilia is correct, but I think there has to be some indication that the paraphilia is preventing you from having sexually fulfilling relationships. We all have things that we "need" in a relationship both physically and emotionally. Your need is just more specific than most. It obviously sounds like you were connecting emotionally with at least some of your partners - you just need to find one who also likes to stuff!

What you need to think about is this: Let's say you find someone who you fall in love with who shares your desires to stuff. You develop a complete relationship (not just one based on the act of stuffing) and both of you are happy and fulfilled. Let's say at some point your partner can no longer stuff - they have gained more weight than is healthy or develop stomach problems. Would you then leave this person? This is the point that your fixation on stuffing would become a problem - if you could work something out that still got you off, then I would say it wasn't a disorder. If not, then finding some help might be in order.

Just a thought - would fantasizing about stuffing your partner be enough to get you off during "normal" sex, even if they weren't stuffed right then? If that works, then I would say you have a solution to your problem.

In my own journey, being male I don't usually have problems getting off - but what has gotten me there most efficiently has changed over the years. I was pretty much trapped in the standard slim, big boobs socially acceptable attractions, but at the same time I found pregnant women sexually interesting (though I have never been with a pregnant woman) but I didn't really see fat women as sexually attractive. Only about a year ago I came across some female water bloating vids and something about it just made me cum harder than I ever had! This led me to stuffing (I totally understand your attraction there - and even as a hetero male I was fascinated by that guy's belly in your link!) and after watching the results of the stuffing - namely lovely jiggling bellies, I came to appreciate large women as well.

However, this appreciation didn't fully develop until I came to accept my own belly. I love to stuff too - although I am fat and it just doesn't show as well! I have always been heavy and always assumed I would be happier skinny. With this acceptance of myself I have come to find a wide range of body styles attractive so all I need to do now is find someone compatible who appreciates my big belly!

I hope that makes sense / helps! smiley
15 years