General

I did join a couple of days ago, but I was feeling shy and didn't know what to say. But tonight I feel a sudden burst of confidence, so here goes before it runs out!

I've been struggling for many years now with this... hidden desire. To be perfectly honest, girls that have a degree of extra weight on them are the only thing that turn me on. Somewhere along the way, I got confused, because I thought thinner girls were pretty, but only chubbier girls were what actually turned me on. I got upset. I cried a lot. I felt so confused, and wondered what was wrong with me. I was really worried about having sex (I'm still a virgin + never been with anyone) because I was afraid of not being able to perform and being a miserable failure for my future partner.

People like my family often went on about overweight girls and that, and I felt shameful. Kinda. It always made me mad to see my family and friends making comments on overweight girls the way they did. I thought it was uncalled for. One of my ex-friends said, I quote "Oh yuck" when he saw a girl of larger size. I was seething inside, thinking "And what would she think of you? Probably that you're just an ugly cocky little runt."

I also remember back in primary school there was going to be a dance thing going on (it never actually came to be though). My friends asked me who I'd take to it. I didn't really have much of a clue, but I thought of a girl who'd been nice to me before and named her. But she was a little overweight, so my friends were highly amused and teased me greatly about it. I felt embarassed by what they said.

So I tried... tried all sorts of things to make myself like slimmer girls, but it was to no avail. I couldn't resist that beautiful roundness, that softness, that curviness of the belly, the hips, the breasts, of a chubbier girl. It was a secret of mine to view pictures of them, to make myself understand, but I really... did enjoy it, even if I was trying to deny it. Afterwards I always felt horribly guilty and made myself physically ill with the stress and shame and trying to purge myself of these desires.

But, after going through a lot of other stresses in my life (I've been through a lot), I discovered more reading material about sexual desires, about society itself, and I realised that there was really nothing wrong with what I was attracted to and wanted. I decided to be fully true to myself and not care what anyone else thought.

I'm someone quite different myself; I am extremely slender and unmuscular, I wear my hair long, with some necklaces and an ear piercing and I am decidedly gentle and feminine. I've faced prejudice from this, for not being a 'man', and I know that society wouldn't ever really accept me no matter what, so to hell with what they think about me, and about this. I gave fully into my body's urges and now I see that I really do like chubby girls, mentally as well, not just in my body. Seeing their loveliness, smoothness and roundness just makes me smile, especially if there's confidence to go along with it.

So that's... that's my story. Whilst I still have some issues I'm working through after feeling controlled by social pressures + family for so long, I'm really just letting myself enjoy this... this feeling, this pure bliss and sexual attraction for the very first time in so many years. I even managed to admit it to some of my (new) friends a couple of days ago, and they were perfectly supportive of me and thought it was just fine. I was extremely nervous about coming out to them, but I decided I'd do it anyway.

Thank you very much for reading. I know it was a bit long... but I just felt I needed to let it all out like this.

Thank you very much for making me feel welcome.

Yeah, I've been looking into the way people, or society, think about things... looking at it now, it's really surprising that fat is so frowned upon when there really isn't anything wrong with it for the most part. It just seems almost... instinctive in so many people to hate even a small amount of it on sight. Have people really been brainwashed so much in this over the years? It seems so. All the overreaction to fat does is hurt people.

I'm not coming out about my preferences to everyone yet though (particularly my family); it's more trouble than it's worth. They're rather neurotic about it, making comments like "Oh, look at her, you wouldn't want to go out with someone like that" or "Girls these days are just getting so fat, it's repulsive. Look at all the weight on them". Even when they make compliments about a girl they think is nice, they always have to bring up her weight.

Though I have been dropping some little hints by responding that bigger girls look perfectly fine to me. It's my life, and they don't need to know any more than that. I'm quite satisfied with just coming out on here and to the people I know I can trust.

I don't mind weight gain either, it's hot to see those extra pounds slowly added onto a figure. A little pudginess or a good amount of pudginess, it's sexy to me either way. And yeah, some day I hope to be in such a lovely, warm, soft, comforting embrace. Since Australia is now officially the fattest country in the world, I should have less of a problem finding someone! *laughs*

@1CaptainBacardi: Yeah, there was a thing about it knocking the US from the top spot about 5 months ago. Personally, I never noticed the difference, looking at people. I actually found an FF topic about it here too: fantasyfeeder.com/cms/forum/viewthread.php

@ShinobiPwnor: Yeah, I am an emotional guy... I did have other issues to deal with back then, which compounded things... I still do now, actually. Much of them aren't my fault, but that's the way life deals you your cards, eh. I just... didn't want to be a failure. Didn't want to fail my future partner, the one who would love me. I couldn't stand the thought of it.

@xxBBWxx & Nash: Thank you for your welcome.

(to Nash) I've fantasised about being female also since I felt it would have suited my personality better. I'm more of a submissive & nurturing person and want a stronger partner who'll have their way with me, or so to speak. It's such a dreamy prospect to me... though if they want me to feed them/give them tummy rubs/etc, I will gladly fulfil their desires. I get sick if I have too much gluten and I can't seem to eat the amount that others can (I prefer to graze), so I guess she could have my share. Thank you for your wishes, and I wish the best of luck to you also.

Thank you very much guys & gals! For too many years I've let other people's thoughts and perceptions hold me down and resided in silent pain and turmoil. Not anymore. The most important thing I can do is be me, and let my mind and body finally be one.

Seeing the nice community here helped too, so for that, I thank you also.