General

Dear FA,

I keep hearing how frustrating you find it that women want to lose weight. So I want to ask you a few questions:

1. Are you out as an FA? Do all of your friends, colleagues, family know that you prefer fat women?

Please don't tell me that your preferences are no one's business. That only works if your preferences are mainstream. When you have non-mainstream preferences, you have to shout them from the rooftops, just to make sure some tiny space is opened up for them.

2. Do you compliment fat women on our appearance?

I don't mean sleazy things, or "Hi, great belly!" (which ought to get you punched), but rather the basics. "My, you look lovely today." "That's a great outfit." Or whatever your style is, but something positive and socially acceptable.

We take hits day in and day out. Billboards, magazines, friends and family constantly tell us we're unattractive. Are you doing your part to counteract that?

3. When you're dating a fat woman, do you take her out and show her off? Introduce her proudly to your friends?

It took me a while to figure out why I was having fabulous torrid affairs with guys who then went out with skinny women. But hiding me away for hot sex when you're embarrassed to be seen in public with me is not going to do much for my self-esteem.

I know some guys here are genuinely out, and others think of yourselves as out though I'm not sure you fulfill my definition of 'out'. And some of you aren't at all. So before you start whining at insecure fat women--or about us--please consider cleaning your own house. When you contribute to fatphobia, you damage us, and therefore make romantic relationships more challenging for yourselves and all of us.

I'm not saying we don't have to work at it, too. I'm just saying you have a part to play, and it would help us if you played it.

*speech over*

Thanks, hon. But just to clarify--I'm not dieting, and wouldn't, on principle. I don't believe in it. I was just frustrated by some posters and chatters who are unsympathetic, and don't see the differences FAs might make in the lives of women living in an extremely fat-phobic society.

Thanks, hon. But just to clarify--I'm not dieting, and wouldn't, on principle. I don't believe in it. I was just frustrated by some posters and chatters who are unsympathetic, and don't see the differences FAs might make in the lives of women living in an extremely fat-phobic society.

Okay, true that this is a size acceptance forum, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Juicy has to go along with the program if that guy is not an outed FA. Acceptance, yes........relationship material, no.

I don't know you, but perhaps you can share if you've been with a big girl in public. I'm married to one, and been with her for 8 years. I've almost come to blows with idiots that find it important to comment about her appearance. The words just find their way out, and I feel that I can't allow that to happen. Maybe if you did spend time with a big girl at the mall, or sporting event, or concert, and you heard a group of men or women mumble "***" or "did you ever hear of cottage cheese", you might take the same approach I do.

I know I'm not going to change their minds via my confrontation, I DO know, however, that they'll at least think twice before saying something, for fear of getting their ass kicked.

By the way, big women like guys with balls.

I don't make any less or more of an effort than I think I would if I liked thin women. I see a big girl I find attractive when I'm out, I will talk to her. If I find her attractive, I will tell her. When I'm out in public with a big girlfriend, I'll be as affectionate as I want (which can be quite a bit at times!). It will certainly be apparent to anyone who sees me that I like what I like, but I wouldn't say I do anything more or less than an affectionate guy who likes slim girls would.

Over the years, I've made the choice to rid myself of people who were intolerant of my preference, and chose to ridicule rather than try to understand. I look at it as their loss, not mine.

A little over a year ago, I left my job over it. I'm married to a paysite model. My boss came across a few of her pics, and asked me about them. I openly admitted my wife's second business, and told him I supported it. He thought it was funny enough, that he decided to show my co-workers, and my customers.

I was furious, since it wasn't the part of her being a "porn" model that was the issue, it was because she was a fat porn model. Without getting into all of the legal terms, I left the company & found another job within my field, but my former employer knows that I have a 2 year window to bring suit against them for what is called creating a hostile work environment.

My wife and I have since separated, but she has always applauded the fact that I am proud of my preferences. My parents didn't raise me to cause a girl to feel inadequate even though I chose her by hiding her in my closet, hotel room, or somewhere that she couldn't be seen with me. Hell, she wasn't afraid to be seen with me, so why do it to her?

Just sayin'.

lolz, very funny & sarcastic......go me......ahahahaha.

I'm a bit older than 19, and my impressive days are long since over. As a veteran to being a FA, my days are now spent talking to a lot of the younger guys that attend the New Jersey bash that I run, and praying they can help change the minds of the rest of the world with regard to fat acceptance.

Hopefully, you will have a satisfying relationship with someone who is proud to have you with him. Then again........

I wasn't advocating aggression or confrontation. I was advocating a different path--that is, not taking your preference for granted.

In the case of being an FA, there's a fat-phobic society that makes things hard for ALL of us, fat people and our admirers alike, across all gender and sexuality lines.

If we aren't more proactive than others, we don't contribute to making a less fat-phobic society. If someone doesn't care about making a difference, that's a choice. But then they shouldn't complain about the consequences of that society, i.e., fat people with self-esteem issues.

My point was simple. If we want fat people to date who have high self-esteem, one way to contribute to that is to help (in tiny incremental ways, it's true) make the culture around us less fat-hating. It won't change an individual woman or man, but it may affect the odds over the longer term.

In the meantime, we can celebrate all the brave FAs and the strong, confident fat folks, here and everywhere!

Helper, my original post was not directed at you, simply a general response to what I consider to be a prevalent attitude among many FA's.

You say you find most negative forms of judging regressive. Does it bother you that most fat people are judged several hundred times a day by people, with snarky looks & comments? I see it on a daily basis. Maybe I'm more sensitive to it because of my time in this community, but it really does exist.

So, how does one deal with that negative judging? In your case, you choose one path, I choose another. I don't know if your way will change the world's perception of fat people, as I don't know if mine is a better way.

During the civil rights movement in th 1950's & 60's, for every person who marched with the very peaceful Martin Luther King, there was an equal group who marched with the more militant Malcom X. King showed peaceful restraint (you), whereas I am more than willing to get in someone's face (X). Either way, if the end result is more fat acceptance, then the stigma of being with a fat person goes away for the "closet" FA.

And having balls is standing up for what you believe in, which you've already done by your follow up post.

Could we maybe refer to strenght of character and bravery and all that good stuff as something other than 'having balls'? I like to think I have those qualities, but I sure as heck don't have any balls...

Maybe 'having gonads'? awkward, but effective. I've heard it used well often