You take beautiful pictures!
7 years
I have managed to meet someone who is not a feeder nor a gainer, but totally accepts my fetish and has no problems with it, which in and of itself I think is a major accomplishment. He doesn't think my fetish is disgusting, there's no worrying about what he'll think of me when inevitably my attention flutters down to his belly, he doesn't mind being a little chubby and loves that I pay so much attention and give so much love to parts of him that he never really liked, because it helps him love those parts too (belly & thighs, for example). It's nice too because my fetish puts him in the unique situation of having no pressure about looking a certain way; there's no endless gym workouts, no worrying about how much he eats when I'm around, no stress over gaining a few pounds. It's definitely nowhere near the standard feeder/feeder relationship, but we both are very into trying new foods and since I'm into feederism it's a sensual experience as well. There's also always some good chocolate laying around if not Thai, Indian, Japanese, Lake Effect ice cream... you name it. And belly rubs and oil rubs are a huge part of the intimacy we have too which is fantastic, with the added bonus that he's always up for returning the favor.
I guess that's about it. I honestly have come across so many horror stories here and elsewhere about non-accepting partners, people who feel like they can't tell their partner at all, and people who try to make their partner gain without their knowledge, which usually leads to frustration on both sides. I have received nothing but acceptance and for that I'm really grateful.
7 years
There's many many reasons. One big reason is that biologically, for whatever reason, men are more predisposed to having fetishes and paraphilias than women are. Also, like it was said before, men are more common on sites like these in general, maybe because men feel a little more comfortable searching for women on a special interest website while women can sometimes feel preyed on (because sadly, women can get bombarded with messages from one pesky guy, which can range from annoying to downright scary). I also think that now women are much more free to do what they want with their bodies than ever before, so if a woman wants to gain weight, she can, and with pride, because she can do what she desires without as much discrimination and also because there's definitely more of a lean in media towards women who are curvy (Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, the Kardashians, etc...). While this doesn't relate directly to feederism, and there is definitely still a stigma attached to weight gain, I think it helps that curvy has become more popular, and also that there's been a movement towards not touching up or "fixing" models' bodies (Aerie's campaign, for example). So I think the combination of these things has led to more female feedees on the site, which in turn makes it seem like there are less FFAs. On top of that, I think on some level every woman wants to feel safe, and while I find chubby men to be much more cuddly and comforting, in general most women want to feel protected by a built, muscular guy who can be a formidable obstacle to any type of threat. Many women are nurturing, many even with food, but there's a big difference between this and wanting someone to purposefully gain weight as a result. Some tend to confuse the norm with the fetish, and I've seen a lot of posts where male feedees tend to think there's a lot of women out there who are secretly FFAs or female feeders, but knowing how strongly I'm intrinsically drawn to this, I can't really imagine that many other people have this fetish and are able to hide from it, especially with the ease of the internet.
Lastly, messages! Most of the female feeders on this site get tons of them, as I know from the posts above and from personal experience. It's super hard to answer all of them, and I often read them and then forget to respond altogether until a much later date. We have lives too! I always feel really bad when people send me messages and then delete them because I didn't respond in time, but it is what it is. And, we can't role play with everyone, and don't want to, as said above. If you really want to talk, send something that isn't just a few sentences, and you'll definitely have a good chance at getting a response, even if it does take awhile! Anyways, that's just my two cents.
7 years
Personally, I feel guilt. For me, feederism relates directly to submission and domination (which I realize isn't the same way for everyone, some like exclusively the sensuality of fat); the disparity in fitness, the power play and the strength of one person over the weakness of the other, the near permanence of gaining weight, the humiliation due to stigma of over-eating and packing on the pounds... the list goes on and on. Obviously, I have an engrained preference of fat over muscle and bone too which can't be left out, but personally, it wouldn't be the same if there was no deviation from the balanced, equal, "vanilla" way of intimacy. I lean more dom, and because of that, sometimes I feel like the antisocial personality of the sexual world; ruthless, uncaring, harsh and cold, predatory. That's hard for the huge-hearted me to deal with- so I feel guilty. Besides that, I think it would be hard for me not to feel a pang of guilt while watching my partner breathe hard while going up stairs, while seeing the gradual shift to lethargy, while knowing that someone else's pain from stuffing themselves is partially my doing- and worse, knowing I get off on it.
Seeing someone else gain for my pleasure only (someone not inclined towards enjoying fat or over-eating, only extrinsic motivation involved) would be even harder- I would know I was enticing someone to hurt themselves for my satisfaction, which is a serious sting to my conscience. I've been dating someone now who lost 50 lbs a year ago just though self motivation and is thin and much more self-confident now than when he was heavy, so I wouldn't want to jeopardize that. Basically, I think my fetish is going to have to go on the back burner so I don't risk feeling a ton of guilt if he ever gained for me. Better him happy and me guiltless I think.
8 years
I definitely like the thought of a BHM having larger breasts than me, but it's more of a little bonus than anything else since it's not really something I actively search for. Besides being fun to squeeze, I think having moobs makes most guys feel a lot weaker and more feminized, which in turn amps up the dom streak most FFAs have, including myself.
8 years
I think you've gotten quite a bit of constructive criticism and not too much advice other than to ignore/man up/etc... And I think some of your questions should be answered. You asked if you were too ugly to find someone, and if you mean on the outside, then the answer is absolutely not. Ugly people do not exist. Anyone who cares that much about the way you look does not deserve your attention. And if you meant on the inside-- know that you can change any aspect of yourself that you don't like. It may take awhile, but it works-- I know from personal experience. You also asked if you were too kind, which is a ridiculous question! No woman (or any person for that matter) in her right mind wants to be abused or used by a man or any other person, unless of course it is part of her sexual identity if she is masochistic, in which case I'm sure she would tell you ahead of time that is something she would wish to explore with you/ that is the type of relationship she is looking for. For some reason, there's a weird, "Nice guys never win," philosophy that tends to swim around in peoples' heads and it simply isn't true. Nice guys always win. And as far as trying to make more money a year, money shouldn't factor into how much a woman likes you. If the subject even comes up in conversation, run like the wind! She doesn't deserve your attention. As far as possible things you're doing wrong, well, I don't know exactly because I don't know you! But here's a list of things to do/things to stay away from that could help you...
1.) Tell her up front that English is your second language! Besides providing a cushion for you if you make any errors, it's also pretty remarkable and a very subtle way to show off!
2.) Try not to compliment her every five seconds! It's exhausting for a woman to have to say thank you a million times. Plus a few well meaning, honest compliments mean more than a bunch of shallow ones. Also compliment things besides her looks/ body/ anything physical.
3.) Don't bring up feederism, weight gain, or anything of that sort the first time you start a conversation with her, unless she brings it up first, which gives you the go ahead. Ask how she is, how her holidays were (since that would apply currently), etc... Helps her know you aren't just looking to exchange pics/role play, etc... and that you're looking to get to know her.
4.) Ask questions. Not so many that it feels like an interrogation but enough for her to know you're interested in her thoughts, opinions, and experiences. Also that will give her a chance to know you if she decides to flip the question and ask you the same thing.
5.) Try not to use one word answers. Throw in little bits of yourself into every reply. If she asks how your holidays were, don't say, "They were good, how were yours?" Say something more like, "They were good, spent time with family back home where I grew up. Was nice to see everyone again." This way she can ask you a question about your family, where you grew up, etc... If the conversation falls flat.
6.) Never ask her for pictures (of face or body), and if you do, do so rarely, and not the first few times you talk.
Those are some of the things I've found when talking to people that seem to get them tripped up the most that are maybe not as intuitive. If you're already doing these things-- you've probably just had bad luck. If someone stops talking to you, so be it! Like it was said above, you can't make anyone (or everyone) like you. Sorry this was long, but I hope that it helps some and I hope you find who you're looking for.
8 years
As far as angles go, you can really do whatever you'd like, although personally a 3/4 or a side view tends to capture my attention the most, because sometimes a front view can come across as flat or one-dimensional. Also making sure not to hold the camera too close can really help to give perspective on your picture or video. Including parts of your body that are thinner (collarbones, hip flexors, whatever that may be-you would know better than me!) helps to accentuate how big your belly is in contrast. But again, this is a personal preference. Use a simple, ideally solid background (a plain wall, if you're lying down- solid colored sheets, etc...) so there isn't anything distracting in the rest of the picture, you should be the main focus! Cropping out junk you don't need from the sides, top, and bottom of your picture can also be of use. Also, using only one or two light sources in a room that is otherwise unlit/only naturally lit can help to emphasize the highs and lows of [presumably] your belly through light, creating depth. Photo effects (like making a picture black & white or sepia-toned, etc...) might help you too. From personal experience, mirrors generally make pictures look kinda odd sometimes for whatever reason, so I would stay away from those. For a video, follow most of the same advice; also make sure wherever you're taking the video is super quiet- any background noise at all is distracting. Not moving the camera around during the video also helps to provide a more professional looking video. Hopefully this helps some!
8 years
