my gainer story (true story)

chapter 1

I have never been a fat child, indeed I was always quite thin and wouldn't gain easily. But it has always fascinated me to be big. Not super big but a bit. A small squishy belly that would hang a bit over the waistband. When I was young I already played that I was fat by putting cushions under my shirt. About 4 years ago I finally made first attempts to gain weight. As my metabolism would just increase as soon as I ate more it was really hard. I would spend days eating four bars of chocolate in my room hoping I would 100 grams. Nevertheless within one year or a bit more I managed to gain 17 kg (38lbs) and was at least slightly overweight. I was about 160cm tall and had 67 kg. I was happy about my belly but my family and friends told me at any opportunity that I'm too fat. Not directly but I know what they thought but this criticism destroyed my self-confidence and I wanted to lose the way as soon as possible again so that my friends and family would accept me again. I lost about 20 kg again but while doing this I became deeply anorexic. And I don't mean just too thin. I had a severe eating disorder and mental problems. I struggled with anorexia about two years or more or even still but at least now I'm back at a healthy weight and mentally okay. During that eating disorder time I learned a lot: acceptance isn't based on one's looks so I weigh whatever I want and be accepted or not. I also slowly realised that I'm gay because during my anorexia I would look at guys to compare myself to them but also as it became better I still looked after guys and still do it so... yes. Now, after I have overcome the anorexic force to lose weight, somehow my former feelings aroused. I find it really nice if a guy has a little belly and also I would like to gain again. Not much but I would love to have a little belly to knead, something soft. At the moment I'm 5'6 tall and weigh about 58kg (132lbs). My goal would be to weigh about 65 kg. It might seem ridiculous for some people. 7kg are nothing. But for me it's even difficult to gain 100 grams. But I really want a little belly so I'm trying to achieve that. Thank you.
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