chapter 1

I have always been fat.
I was a fat baby and I grew into a fat child and by the time I was teenaged I was obese.
When we were about to leave the school they weighed us all and they made us stand in line in weight order, lightest to heaviest, and there I was, the fattest girl in the school, twice the weight of the next heaviest, who seemed to be big all over, but had enormous breasts.
Her breasts were much bigger than mine, even though I weighed over three hundred pounds even then.
I was so ashamed to be shown up as the fattest girl that I hardly dared look up. But I sensed she was looking at me, and risked a glance at her face. She was smiling, kindly, with a sparkle in her eyes. 'Dont worry' she whispered, 'It will be OK. Meet me outside at four oclock'
I nodded, and tried not to seem too ashamed of myself.
When they finally let us go it was with dire warnings of what would happen to those of us who did not take proper care of ourselves, about being self indulgent and undisciplined, and many undisguised looks of disgust towards me.
But I was free to go now, and I waddled out of the double doors for the last time, praying that the bullies would be too interested in getting away themselves to have time to mess about with me.
Outside I could see the large girl across the road and I half lifted my hand to wave. As I did so three of the bullies I had dreaded for so long were suddenly standing in front of me.
'Hello Fatty' said the blondest one. 'School is over now. So we can do what we like to you and no-one can stop us'
'Leave me alone' I began, although my voice did not sound too strong.
'Not before we say goodbye properly' said the tallest one.
'Not until you admit how disgusting you are' said the tiniest one.
I tried to keep on walking, thinking if I could just get across the street i would be away from these cruel girls and their taunts forever. But they pulled the straps of my bag, and my hair, and stood right in front of me blocking the way.'Come on fatty, admit that you are the most disgusting fat blob ever to walk the earth'
'Say it out loud . . .tell us you are the fattest tub of lard in the world'
'Speak the words . . .or we wont let you past . . ..come on fatty, admit how greedy you are. Tell us how much you eat to get so gross!'

I was once again drowning in my own shame, paralysed by the mortification of these three girls, whose taunts had led me to such unhappiness and overeating for all my years at that school.