Chapter 1 - preamble

I worship at the altar of a goddess named Delilah James...

I went back and forth on whether that opening line was a bit too melodramatic, but in the end, it really does capture the way I feel about my lovely wife. You see, I'm a writer by trade and even though my typical work consists of dry pieces on the latest stock changes and market happenings, I do enjoy flexing my skills through the occasional creative writing exercise. So when I bore witness to my wife's incredible physical and mental transformation from a slender, wispy young woman searching for direction to an overweight, self-indulgent housewife who wants for nothing, I simply knew that her story must be told. And now that she's granted me permission, the world can finally share in the joy that I've experienced over the past several years.

"Brian...won't you please come to bed, honey?"

I hear Delilah's soft and gentle voice ring out from our bedroom across the hall and I know it is time to stop my journaling for the evening. Over these past few years I've become so used to being at my wife's constant beck and call in order to satisfy her every need.

"Sweetie, if it's not too much trouble, will you please run out and get me a milkshake?"

"Dear, would you mind if I ordered dessert? The double chocolate cake looks simply incredible..."

"Oh baby, I'm so full but this tastes so good. You don't think a few more bites will hurt, do you?"

Through it all, "Whatever my wife wants, my wife gets," has been my maxim and it certainly has yielded dividends. At first, she was hesitant to buy into my philosophy, skeptical that I actually meant what I said and fearful of what would happen if it were true. However, slowly but surely, she relaxed her standards and allowed me to spoil her rotten.

She became lazy, she became voracious, she became complacent, but most of all, she became what I had secretly always wanted: A fat and happy wife.

Over the course of our marriage, I've found that the old saying is indeed true: "Happy wife, happy life". However, I would like to propose a new saying, one that is perhaps more reflective of my own personal experience: "Fat wife, happy life".