I would like to do a fake diet. If I can gain effectively enough then someday I might be able to do this in real life but right now I’m too thin for it to work the way I’d like it to happen. Here is the fantasy:
Once I finally get chubby, like maybe around 160 pounds, not quite fat but big enough for people to notice and start making negative comments, I would tell everybody that I was going to go on the keto diet and lose all the weight. Any time I was in public or near other people, I would carefully follow the diet requirements, avoiding all carbs but still eating many calories of the fatty foods that you eat on that diet. It would be easy to have more calories without it seeming like much since fatty food is so dense. No one would question the presence of heavy cream in a keto fridge. If I could figure out a way to secretly put lots of carbs into my fatty diet food, like maybe weight gain powder or pure sugar, I might do that, but otherwise I really would eat the diet things.
Then, any time I was alone, especially at night, I would binge on as many carbs as possible, preferably thousands of calories worth. When I was too full to eat any more food I’d chug heavy gainer shakes until right before the limit of being too full to keep it down. Because of all these binges, I’d not only never go into ketosis, I’d gain a huge amount of weight from all the stuffing and increase my capacity over time until I could shovel things down like a competitive eater.
Any time people asked why I was rapidly gaining more weight instead of losing, I’d tearfully insist I had no idea why the weight wouldn’t melt off even though I was following my diet completely perfectly. I’d maybe try saying things like maybe my metabolism was just completely destroyed by my years dealing with my eating disorder and now I’m stuck fat. I’d wear too-small clothes until I could no longer squeeze into them at all, and claim that I didn’t want to buy new, bigger clothes because I was totally going to lose all the weight, because the diet had to start working sometime, right? People would ask me about it all the time because I’d be gaining so fast for seemingly no reason, and they’d want to try to find out why, find out what was happening to cause me to blimp up despite eating such a seemingly small amount.
The goal would be to stay on this fake diet, insisting to everyone that I was following its requirements religiously, until I went from a little chubby to obese. Then, once I got really and truly fat, I’d “give up on the diet,” and no one would ever know I hadn’t ever actually been dieting in the first place. When I stopped pretending to be on the diet, I’d start stuffing with anything available all the time without hiding it, telling everyone that after depriving myself for so long I just couldn’t control myself around food. Since my capacity would have increase so much, I’d be able to eat massive amounts of food. I’d pretend to be upset about that for a little while, too, before “accepting it.”
In addition to how humiliating this would be, I think it might have the side effect of discouraging bystanders who witnessed it from trying to lose weight. I mean, would you want to starve yourself for months to lose weight if you’d just watched somebody else do it “rigorously,” “following all the rules,” and balloon dozens of pounds in a matter of months instead of getting thinner, and then watched them quit the diet only to discover their appetite had permanently increased so much they were never satisfied unless they ate thousands of calories in every meal, dooming them to never be skinny or even normal ever again?
4 years
