forum  story writing

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

Hi all,

Not sure if these topics get read, or if this is annoying, but wanted to ask for help and/or feedback with the continuation of my long-running story, Club Butterfat, now sitting at 26 chapters.

First, I know this story probably isn't everybody's cup of tea. Heavy on genderbending, humiliation, and deathfat. Also kinda slow burning and wordy. But I know a lot of people do enjoy it so I've continued.

My concern is that I'm becoming repetitive in the action and description. Also that I've made it to 26 chapters without getting my main character to the titular "club", though I've just about run out of runway so it should come next.

If anybody reads this, can I get guidance, criticism, what you think I can change or even just what you think already works? Either here or in a message is fine.

I'm quite attached to the story and want to "finish" it, I just don't exactly know what that looks like yet. Having a hard time seeing the forest for the trees and am worried it's getting meandering as a result.

Thanks all you cuties!

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

I can't tell you where to take it from here but I can tell you that you should definitely continue with it. I remember it from when you first started writing it - which alone speaks volumes.

It's long but I wouldn't say meandering. I also wouldn't say that it's necessarily repetitive: there's just the right combination of cruelty and (apparent) kindness, humiliation and encouragement to make it believable that Steffi is becoming a helplessly pliant and out of control hog entirely at the dark mercy of Club Butterfat. And your descriptions of Steffi's ever ballooning body create some fantastic visuals.

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

I'm probably a little late to the party; but I absolutely adore the dwindling health aspect, and all of the mentions of cellulite. Do keep it up, I'm very eagerly awaiting more~

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

Please continue. I want to see her first night at the club.

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

I'm horrible at writing stories so I'm no help on where to go next but I will say that I really enjoy the story and don't really think you are meandering.

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

I loved the story at first, but after the pronoun switch I stopped. That's TOTALLY personal preference though and not at all criticism. It's definitely not something you should change. There are tons of people who are still totally into it.

That said, I have a suggestion that might help? I'm writing a story that's actually partially inspired by yours in some ways, and other stories I've read, and one of the things I've done is think about what I personally find hot during *ahem* intimate alone-time and then engineer a way that my dom character would force that onto the sub.

Your characters are all super rich and powerful. They probably all have different things to turn them on. Would they take turns with Stephanie? Would one of them want to see her try to work out? Would one want to treat her like a goddess? (probably not, given the story, but just brainstorming). Swimming? Going out in public and being humiliated? Breaking furniture? Teasing her because of the size of her genitals? Making her wear bras? Making her wear nothing? What sort of fantasies would each of the club attendants have, inspired by your own? If each character had one thing they liked that you could act on, then it wouldn't be repetitive because each club member would have her doing different things.

As far as 'finishing' the story, that is something that would be harder to help with. It depends what you think a good end would be. Police finding Stephanie and the rest and bringing them back to real life? Stephanie being immobile and realizing she's never going to have a chance to leave? Her being auctioned off? You get to decide where in the story things are 'done'. smiley

I hope I helped a little bit. c: It's really a great story, and I know a ton of people would love for you to continue.

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

Personally, I want more deathfat. That's my only request

club butterfat- feedback and help2 years

Thanks to everybody for their amazing encouragement and feedback!! I've posted new chapters with a few more on the way. Sorry it's taken me so long to get poor steffi to the club.

As always, more direction and commentary and advice is always always appreciated!