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new to all of this10 months

So my ex bf was into force feeding, weight gain, and diet control.

I was and still am nervous about gaining, which is one reason we broke up. I've continued to gain since then, and he's noticed. We keep hooking up, plus I keep letting him force feed me and plan my meals.

I'm starting to enjoy it now, but I get embarrassed when I'm full or when I'm in public sometimes. I don't think my ex and I will be getting back together. I just enjoy the feeding and hooking up, I've even started experimenting with eating the way he likes me to on my own without him.

I never thought I would be into this really, but I'm starting to think I am. I just have some anxiety about it. I'm sure that's normal.

Anyone else have a similar experience?