forum  weightgain

dealing with indecision7 months

I'd like to apologize for the long-windedness of this post beforehand, but I think I needed to vent and I really would like some advice.

Iím constantly shifting between wanting to gain and wanting to maintain my current weight, or even lose a few pounds. Ever since I was a preteen (and a really skinny one, at that), I fantasized about being fat. Iíd even say reaching 300lbs at some point in my life is on my bucket list. However, Iím also terrified of peopleís negative perceptions of me, and, to a lesser extent, mildly concerned about my health when gaining.

Okay, so, some backstory: I took the plunge into gaining in my late teens, gaining from 150lbs to 230-240ish in a couple years. Since then, Iíve lost all the way down to 170, which is not overweight for my height.

As bizarre as it is to say, I regret both these decisions. On one hand, I appreciate not getting out of breath just walking to my classes (though, it was arousing in its own way) and being more ďconventionally attractiveĒ nowadays. And, had I not tried gaining at all, I probably wouldnít have developed certain eating habits and would be even more in shape and conventionally attractive. On the other hand, Iíll very frequently fantasize about what it would have been like if I never stopped gaining. Itís been over 2 years since I stopped, would I have reached the 300lb goal Iíve dreamed of for most of my life? Such a thought excites me.

For the most part, I manage to keep these fantasies as just that, fantasies, and maintain my typical weight. But whenever I unintentionally gain a noticeable amount of weight (Iím up to 176lbs thanks to the holiday season), Iím overcome with a very powerful urge to gain. I long for the feeling of constantly stuffing myself and feeling bloated all the time, of having a noticeable belly thatís fun to mindlessly play with. Thisíll continue on for a week or two until I ďcome to my sensesĒ (or give in to my insecurities, depending on your perspective) and undue whatever gaining progress I had made. Then my weight will again stagnate for a few months until the cycle begins anew.

Quite frankly, Iím sick of this indecision Iím plagued with. It stresses me out, and I have no idea how to make it stop. Iíll flip a coin to make the decision for me and Iíll be disappointed with either result. Does anyone have any advice on how to resolve this dissonance?

Advice for either/or solution would be appreciated, either how to overcome my doubts when they appear and become the fatty of my dreams, or how to rid myself of the urge to gain in the first place, as they both have about equal weight in my mind.

dealing with indecision7 months

As someone that has always wondered what enabled people in the same predicament to overcome the things that initially held them back from really going for it and getting truly fat, I'm really looking forward to the responses to this thread.

Indecision often boils down to weighing the pros and cons of various options. It sounds like you've already identified the main issues standing in the way: other people's reactions, mobility issues/breathlessness, no longer being considered conventionally attractive (and the social repercussions this holds), and potential health issues.

What were the benefits of being 230/240 lbs? What did you enjoy about being that big aside from enjoying the feeling of being stuffed and having a bigger belly to play with?

dealing with indecision7 months

Alexisruby:
I'd like to apologize for the long-windedness of this post beforehand, but I think I needed to vent and I really would like some advice.

I�m constantly shifting between wanting to gain and wanting to maintain my current weight, or even lose a few pounds. Ever since I was a preteen (and a really skinny one, at that), I fantasized about being fat. I�d even say reaching 300lbs at some point in my life is on my bucket list. However, I�m also terrified of people�s negative perceptions of me, and, to a lesser extent, mildly concerned about my health when gaining.

Okay, so, some backstory: I took the plunge into gaining in my late teens, gaining from 150lbs to 230-240ish in a couple years. Since then, I�ve lost all the way down to 170, which is not overweight for my height.

As bizarre as it is to say, I regret both these decisions. On one hand, I appreciate not getting out of breath just walking to my classes (though, it was arousing in its own way) and being more �conventionally attractive� nowadays. And, had I not tried gaining at all, I probably wouldn�t have developed certain eating habits and would be even more in shape and conventionally attractive. On the other hand, I�ll very frequently fantasize about what it would have been like if I never stopped gaining. It�s been over 2 years since I stopped, would I have reached the 300lb goal I�ve dreamed of for most of my life? Such a thought excites me.

For the most part, I manage to keep these fantasies as just that, fantasies, and maintain my typical weight. But whenever I unintentionally gain a noticeable amount of weight (I�m up to 176lbs thanks to the holiday season), I�m overcome with a very powerful urge to gain. I long for the feeling of constantly stuffing myself and feeling bloated all the time, of having a noticeable belly that�s fun to mindlessly play with. This�ll continue on for a week or two until I �come to my senses� (or give in to my insecurities, depending on your perspective) and undue whatever gaining progress I had made. Then my weight will again stagnate for a few months until the cycle begins anew.

Quite frankly, I�m sick of this indecision I�m plagued with. It stresses me out, and I have no idea how to make it stop. I�ll flip a coin to make the decision for me and I�ll be disappointed with either result. Does anyone have any advice on how to resolve this dissonance?

Advice for either/or solution would be appreciated, either how to overcome my doubts when they appear and become the fatty of my dreams, or how to rid myself of the urge to gain in the first place, as they both have about equal weight in my mind.


I highly recommend you read the gaining/encouraging chapter of the book "The Round World". This has recently helped me to accept my own truth, that I crave to be and must become fat. From experience, I can tell you that that feeling of dissatisfaction from ignoring your urges will never, ever go away.

dealing with indecision7 months

Alexisruby:
I'd like to apologize for the long-windedness of this post beforehand, but I think I needed to vent and I really would like some advice.

I�m constantly shifting between wanting to gain and wanting to maintain my current weight, or even lose a few pounds. Ever since I was a preteen (and a really skinny one, at that), I fantasized about being fat. I�d even say reaching 300lbs at some point in my life is on my bucket list. However, I�m also terrified of people�s negative perceptions of me, and, to a lesser extent, mildly concerned about my health when gaining.

Okay, so, some backstory: I took the plunge into gaining in my late teens, gaining from 150lbs to 230-240ish in a couple years. Since then, I�ve lost all the way down to 170, which is not overweight for my height.

As bizarre as it is to say, I regret both these decisions. On one hand, I appreciate not getting out of breath just walking to my classes (though, it was arousing in its own way) and being more �conventionally attractive� nowadays. And, had I not tried gaining at all, I probably wouldn�t have developed certain eating habits and would be even more in shape and conventionally attractive. On the other hand, I�ll very frequently fantasize about what it would have been like if I never stopped gaining. It�s been over 2 years since I stopped, would I have reached the 300lb goal I�ve dreamed of for most of my life? Such a thought excites me.

For the most part, I manage to keep these fantasies as just that, fantasies, and maintain my typical weight. But whenever I unintentionally gain a noticeable amount of weight (I�m up to 176lbs thanks to the holiday season), I�m overcome with a very powerful urge to gain. I long for the feeling of constantly stuffing myself and feeling bloated all the time, of having a noticeable belly that�s fun to mindlessly play with. This�ll continue on for a week or two until I �come to my senses� (or give in to my insecurities, depending on your perspective) and undue whatever gaining progress I had made. Then my weight will again stagnate for a few months until the cycle begins anew.

Quite frankly, I�m sick of this indecision I�m plagued with. It stresses me out, and I have no idea how to make it stop. I�ll flip a coin to make the decision for me and I�ll be disappointed with either result. Does anyone have any advice on how to resolve this dissonance?

Advice for either/or solution would be appreciated, either how to overcome my doubts when they appear and become the fatty of my dreams, or how to rid myself of the urge to gain in the first place, as they both have about equal weight in my mind.

Adanac:
I highly recommend you read the gaining/encouraging chapter of the book "The Round World". This has recently helped me to accept my own truth, that I crave to be and must become fat. From experience, I can tell you that that feeling of dissatisfaction from ignoring your urges will never, ever go away.


Slightly off-topic, but thank you for the book recommendation. This looks great.

I've been on the other side of this coin --- having to come to terms with my attraction to fat women --- and books like this help a lot.

dealing with indecision7 months

august:

What were the benefits of being 230/240 lbs? What did you enjoy about being that big aside from enjoying the feeling of being stuffed and having a bigger belly to play with?


Hm, that's a good question. Even though it wasn't THAT long ago, I kind of already feel disconnected from the experience of being that big.

I liked the general feeling of being big and heavy (though I didn't feel nearly big enough for my desires). I liked how my body jiggled. I (sometimes) liked looking in the mirror and seeing a fat(ish) person, because that's what I find attractive.

And, even though I'm not the biggest eater in general, I liked that I never had to question whether eating desert/one more plate/etc was a good decision, because the answer was always yes! I don't have a strict diet or anything as is (I just naturally don't eat a ton), but the idea of never saying no to myself when it comes to food because I'm already fat so what's the harm in a little more food is very exciting to me.

dealing with indecision7 months

In the end, I think only you can decide for yourself what is right for you.
My fiance dealt with this a lot over the past year or so. When I first met him he was insecure- always wanting that second helping, but always afraid of gaining weight. When he moved in with me I decided to let him gain, to say nothing, and finally actively encouraged him. The change in his mood and happiness and contentment was obvious. No longer plagued by doubts, he took easily to fattening up, though he remained a little self-conscious.
The point is he's realized this is how he belongs, and although there are some trade-offs, it is so heartwarming to come home to someone so snug in their own skin, content in their changed body.
I enjoy the gym and running marathons - I don't enjoy gaining myself.
This is hardly a site for those who want to lose weight. But if you decide gaining is right for you, you have to be secure in your decision.
Good luck

dealing with indecision7 months

It's harder not to gain, when the consequences from gaining is positive for you. However, you also have to remember that yo-yoing is very hard on the body, and there will probably be a point where you can no longer lose weight and keep it off.

dealing with indecision7 months

My friend is like this too.

Someday, she's obsessed to become hugely obese, stuffing herself to the brim and everything. The other day she had body image issues about her expanding curves, experience a shilly-shally love-hate relationship with her moderably fuller figure, then after a couple of while literally turn back to a transitory fitness nut phase then the cycle goes over and over again.

dealing with indecision7 months

Hi there, according to me, you need to stop thinking about what people think about you. There is nothing to take their comment seriously. You can surely maintain your weight by eating a balanced diet and regular workout. You should meditate kept yourself away from stress or you can also take the guidance of voyance direct who can help you out from your stress.