Clive, other people have mentioned already the reasons for work stopping you wanting to post face pics.

1. you may be in a public-facing profession
2. you may have to apply for jobs or want custom from an organisation where someone finding out you are a member of a fetish site may not put you at an advantage or may even disqualify you (eg. certain posts discourage applicants who may be "blackmailable"
3. It is not just those perusing this site who may come across your picture. Once on the internet it can be used, forwarded, posted elsewhere. It may not even be just mischeivous misuse that causes that. Someone who is legitimately on the site for their own reasons could do it innocently by forwarding "omg look who I found" to a friend etc. Linking a face and your true identity to your username (and therefore posts etc) on here then means that information about your sexual proclivities is suddenly available to those who have no need to know.
4. It is common practice for personnel departments or those vetting applicants for jobs to google you. If there is information online to link your real name to your FF username you could be turned down for a job or it could make your job insecure.
5. not sure why you differentiate government posts from other jobs of responsibility or in fact from any other work at all?

This is such a good question. I'll be interested if anyone has input on why a large percentage of the guys on this site are ultra-fit. It seems to be higher than the amount in the general population. I have always wondered whether those FAs who are so self-disciplined as to have amazing ripped bodies (which let's face it, takes a lot of time, effort and dedication) like fat women for reasons not totally unrelated to their own appearance/reasons for wanting choosing that lifestyle. I can't work out how the two things are related though. Hope someone who replies has done some serious psychological self-analysis...!

I think you'll find the same amount of variation in FFAs' preferences as you do with FAs....

Personally although my default preference is for skinny men, I do love a big round belly on a man. As much like a beach ball as possible. I like that taut, firm, stuffed/bloated look. Don't mind if they're skinny, athletic, muscly-gone-to-seed, or a little chubby, as long as their belly is disproportionate to the rest of them

This sounds like some kind of juju black magic schizz. You mean like, if Sameold Suzen says "Joe Shmoe gets a bad attack of green boils", that actually happens to Joe? Omg I never knew forums were such powerful Wiccan forces. We just have to be really really careful no-one misuses the power. So like, let's have a site rule that no-one says "Joe Shmoe gets a stake through the heart and dies" okaaayyy cos that could get messy.

Are we really having this discussion again?

To those who seem to disapprove of those who don't post face pics, I don't think you're considering all the factors.

I agree with johnxyz and some of the other posters above.

For many people on here, it's not just a question of not wanting others to find out that they find fat people attractive, or are proud of their size.

This isn't a fat admiration site alone. It's a fetish site to do with feederism.

Lots of my forum posts are about sex.

I would certainly not want my family, "vanilla" friends, co-workers or potential employers knowing the content of some of my forum posts on here. It's the same as someone who's into BDSM probably preferring to keep it private. You only need someone to link your face photo on here to your user name and then to your forum posts for them to have some potentially very embarrassing information about you.

I'm not ashamed, I just don't need those who may not be as open-minded as me to know that I want someone to do me from behind whilst face down in cake, or to stuff a boy with macaroons, that I like to water-bloat or that I find a tape measure erotic.

Of course I could choose not to post such comments but I prefer to have some outlet for discussion, whilst keeping my face and real-life identity minimally discoverable.

I agree the internet is a big place. But you don't even have to be poking around on sites like this to find stuff. It only takes one mischievous other person (who might legitimately be an FA/feeder/other but who is less careful about others' privacy) to send an email to another with a link to your photo, or re-post your photo on another website, probably not even maliciously, and *bang* your private life is public.

As a self-employed person in a public-facing profession, and as a future possible applicant for positions which can be targeted by blackmailers, and for which I have to apply to government departments, my reputation is everything. There are people upon whom my livelihood depends whose outlooks maybe more blinkered than mine and whose opinions could affect my career.

In relation to the posts above, it also doesn't sit well with me for a thin person whose appearance fits in with society's ideals to be telling fat people, who are vilified by society generally, what parts of being fat, eg. being identified on a "fat site", they should be okay with.

If it's a choice of being knowing I can pay my mortgage because my work is secure or having certain people not talk to me because I don't have face pics, then I know which I'm choosing.

It's a site devoted to fat. So I'm showing my fat bits. I don't want or need my face discussed. I'm not looking for a partner, I just want to discuss the subject matter of this site with like-minded people. For that to happen, they don't need to know what I look like.

If they're really bothered that I might be fake, there are dozens of forum posts by me and a brief glance will show that I go to the meet-ups and events in my town. There are more ways to tell if someone is fake than the mere fact they don't post their face.

I do think there's a difference but I'm not sure if it's clearly defined.

I believe there are people who simply prefer a fat sexual partner or are more attracted to fatter rather than thinner people, in the same way for instance as I think my default preference is for the taller skinnier man, or in the same way someone might prefer tall/short/dimples/blue eyes/blondes/chiselled jaw/baby-faced, etc.

I feel that the way that feederism topics such as weight gain, stuffing, weighing & measuring, struggling to work out, before and after pics, etc, make me hot under the collar has a completely different quality. Both in its ability to turn me on and in the way it can be somewhat divorced from any sexual partner. I mean, it's ridiculous. Cracking out a tape measure on my own can turn me on and it's definitely not because I fancy the tape measure or myself. It's because it's a fetish/paraphilia.

However I think there is an overlap. To borrow a phrase from another thread, what would make my kokoro go doki doki would be to engage in feederism-y stuff with someone I found attractive. So I guess if you prefer fat people and you're interested in feederism, the two might go hand-in-hand and be somewhat indistinguishable?

Clive, I think there are two different questions here. One is to do with whether or not feederism constitutes "cheating" if done behind your partner's back, without their permission. You for example don't think it is cheating if there is no sex involved, even if there is sexual arousal.

The other is whether or not it is possible for a couple to agree one of them can go off and do certain things with a third person without it being cheating.

When you say:-
"lets assume you and your spouse have approached the idea and she/he has decided that its not for them. If, then, this is not something they would perform.....how could it be construed as cheating if you then do it with another? Again providing there is no physical sexual act attached..."
- you did not mention whether or not, in that circumstance, you envisaged that the couple had agreed beforehand or not that one of them could go and do that act with another.

it may be the use of the term "cheating" that is confusing. Cheating implies dishonesty/deception. If you and your partner agree beforehand that you can engage in feederism/penetrative sex/flirtation or whatever with someone outside your relationship, it doesn't matter what that act is, it won't constitute "cheating" because you're not sneaking around behind their back.

In the context of a monogamous relationship where it is either agreed or implicit that you are exclusively dating/sleeping with/faithful to the other, penetrative sex, or other sexual activity with another person, would be "cheating" if you don't have their permission beforehand, because of the dishonesty and infidelity involved. If you do have their permission, it is sexual activity outside of the relationship but would not be "cheating" because you are not being dishonest or betraying their trust.

The question of what types of activity, if you have not agreed it with your partner beforehand, would constitute "cheating" is a different subject. It's a matter of fact and degree and might vary from person to person depending on their principles and views.

Flirting, as in cheeky banter with a twinkle in your eye, might not, for many, be enough to "count" as cheating even if you do have a few illicit thoughts about how hot that person is and maybe even get a bit aroused thinking about it. Having an online conversation where you are both aware the other is turned on by the subject matter and the object is for you both to have a sexual experience might go over the borderline into some people's definition of "cheating" even though there is no physical contact. Feeding in person might go over that borderline too if both people are finding the experience sexually alluring and fulfilling.

Again, it's a matter of degree where you draw the line and people will differ as to whether that, done behind your partner's back, would or wouldn't constitute "cheating", infidelity, an affair, or whatever you want to call it.

If you don't have your partner's permission to do so, if you get together with a third person to practice feederism and both you and that third person find it a sexual turn-on, I think you would find that most people would find it a rather dubious attempt to "get out on a technicality" if you try to claim that the feeding itself is the sexual source, rather than the person doing the feeding/eating, and so therefore it doesn't count as cheating/infidelity.

I do accept however that in certain circumstances it can be a grey area. For instance I gather that a straight man (say) might get turned on by being fed by (say) another straight man to whom he is not attracted, because the simple act of feederism is his trigger. I don't know how rare or common that is. I get the impression that feederism liaisons tend to be man + woman amongst the heterosexual and same sex + same sex amongst non-heterosexuals which suggests to me that it is not simply the feederism that is the source of the arousal. Similarly I've talked to bi-curious people who imagine that they might get turned on by the idea of being fed by either a man or a woman. I haven't personally talked to someone who is so turned on by feederism itself that the act alone causes arousal regardless of the person they are doing it with. They may well exist. And if they do, I'm not sure whether the feedee or feeder's partner, if not consulted about that act, would consider that "cheating" or not.

For me, though, it just so happens that feederism is a sexual matter, a paraphilia/fetish, and I can't honestly imagine a circumstance where I would engage in that without it being wholly bound up with being a sexual experience which involves the person I'm doing the feeder-y act with. Doesn't mean it's the same for everyone, that's just my take.

If (theoretically, mind) someone encourages me to eat a huge cake, I'll also want them to do me whilst face down in it I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have my partner's permission to do that, it would constitute cheating!

For those of us who have a fetish/paraphilia about feeding/weight gain/fat etc, quite often those activities/thoughts are just as much or even more of a trigger to arousal than conventional sex. Doing anything or being willingly on the receiving end of something that causes sexual arousal is a sexual act by definition.

So whilst spooning cake into someone/rubbing their tummy/eating for them/watching them eat whilst encouraging them wouldn't seem to Mr and Mrs Vanilla a sexual act any more than scratching your elbow, it may well be for someone from this community. It might not fall into the definition of sexual intercourse in the conventional/legal/dictionary sense but clearly if it's intended to be sexually exciting for both of you then yes, I'd say it would be considered cheating.

I think falling back on "but we didn't have sex" would be at the very least disingenuous.

Can you explain why you like drunk girls? I'm feeling a bit queasy wondering if it's because it's easier to take advantage of them.



I'm also feeling a bit queasy at this apparent strategy to make someone ingest more calories than they want to by manipulation? Isn't that somewhat akin to secret fattening? I know buying someone a drink isn't "secret" or covert, but you're suggesting you use their reluctance to appear rude to fatten them up against their will.



I've wondered this too. There's something inherently sexy about weight gain that I struggle to explain. I find it particularly alluring when the person didn't mean to put on weight.

I think it might be linked to our own attitudes to our own bodies though. You say you're afraid of getting fat - I wonder if your attraction to those who do get fat is partly because you're empathising with their journey? Loving their new chubbiness and finding it sexy because it's a taboo for you?

For me, the shame of getting fat myself is quite a turn on - I've tried to work out why something about which I feel ashamed is also erotic. I can only guess that maybe that's where the root of the fetish lies for me - that knife-edge between shameful versus indulgent. Because getting fat is naughty and fun, Bacchanalian and sexy, forbidden and slutty. And when I enjoy seeing other people gaining weight, I think it's linked to my own feelings about myself. It's a repressed desire to gain conflicting with the knowledge that I mustn't because it's bad and shameful.

Or something.

Bah, ask Freud or something

Exactly. There's the rest of the Internet - oh and REAL LIFE FRIENDS - to talk about your job/music/politics/nail varnish with. Go to the pub with your mates if you want a chin wag about non-fat stuff. Don't criticise people for coming here to talk about the site's subject matter.