chapter 1

I had sat behind Dylan Rushworth in every single class we'd had together since freshman year. And it was all thanks to the alphabetical seating chart the teachers used in every class. I loved those damn seating charts. I had had a crush on him these past three years and I most likely would this year. I just wished we could go out, or even just be friends. Nobody really talked to him. I didn't even know why.

He was on the football team and he wrestled. Each year he'd get a bit larger and it always added beautifully to his already solid frame. If I had to guess, I would say he weighed about 225 pounds. He was 6'3" and that was always a plus in my book. It was just that, I couldn't see too well in class. He was so wide and tall and it just made it really hard to see around him.

I got dressed on the morning of the first day of term. I had to take prep courses all summer so I could maintain my position as number 3 in the senior class. If you were in the top 5 rankings you would get a full scholarship, and that sure was the only way I could afford St. Josephine's Private School for Boys.

It wasn't like Dylan had to worry about that sort of thing. I mean, his dad practically owned the school. He went to St. Jo's when he was our age. He also played football. He wasn't as big as Dylan, but still pretty huge. Almost every year there was a ceremony to thank him for his generous donations to the school.

The seating chart was on the board, I was behind Dylan and next to the window. I took my seat. I was early. When class was starting Dylan walked straight to the desk in front of me.

He had gotten bigger over the summer. His wide back was wider than ever and his broad shoulders were even broader. He also had a bit of a belly. He wasn't skinny before, but now it was noticeable that he had a little gut. I couldn't help but stare at him as he sat down. His black hair had grown out; he used to wear it really low. I thought it looked even better now.

A week went by and it began to feel like last year with all the homework and studying and projects. I could hardly believe we had only been in school a week. Physics class came right before lunch. We were discussing free fall and I had covered that the first week of prep school.

"Does anyone know the definition of free fall?" asked Mr. Lacount. "It was this weekend's homework. How about you Mr. Rushworth? Did we do our homework?"

"Uh..." I was kind of out of view when sitting behind Dylan. I whispered the definition.

"The ideal falling motion of something subject only to a gravitational field."

"It's the ideal, falling motion of something...subject only to a gravitational field."

"Very good...for once." Everyone chuckled and the back of his neck turned red.

"Now can someone give an example of free fall?"

Physics had ended and I grabbed a lunch tray before I put it back. I wasn't all that hungry and I wouldn't have enough for the bus if I bought something expensive. I bought a bottled water and sat at my usual, empty table. Nobody in the top five sat with anyone, or rather, nobody sat with us. Or maybe it was me. People knew that I was gay and they knew that I was claustrophobic and that I was a total nerd.

I wished that I could just be like all the other rich kids: normal. I took some sips from the water bottle. "Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah," I said as I looked up at Ryan Peterson.

"So, I was wondering if you could help me with some physics." I nodded nervously. Ryan wasn't my biggest fan. "If you drop a fag from an airplane does he have he an ideal falling motion subject only to a gravitational field?"

"What?"

" ;I said..."

"No, I heard what you said. It was just stupid. Why not try to think of a better insult before you waste my time?" I stood up and walked out of the lunch room.

Lunch was forty minutes and I just spent five of them doing nothing. I could go to the library, but people were always so loud in there. I stopped at the old art room. It was only used for art supply storage now that Mr. Rushworth had built a new art wing.

I opened the door and went inside, closing the door behind me. Dylan was sitting at a table eating lunch. "So...sorry. I thought it was empty." I turned quickly to leave, as not to bother him.

"It's fine." I just noticed how unhappy he always seemed. I turned back around slowly. "You can stay." He wiped his mouth. "I don't own the place."

"You kind of do," I said. He smiled.

"Where's your lunch?"

"I ate it."

"I wanted to say thank you...for helping me in Physics. I don't really get that stuff."

"No problem. I don't even think he could see me telling you the answer."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm kind of blocked behind you; you're pretty tall and..."

"Fat?"

" I don't think that!"

"But it's true." He laughed. He had such nice laugh.

"See you in European History," I said, my nerves getting the best of me. I had to get out of there before I completely severed any tether that held us together.

"Bye," he said in his low voice. I had just had a full conversation with him. After three years I finally had a conversation with him.