Extreme obesity

Just a quick note that I wanted to make because I don't see it mentioned often and I think it's worth mentioning to those who are potentially gaining to extreme weights either on their own or with a partner.. that it's ridiculously expensive!

The costs add up and I think it's important that you prepare for the reality and costs once you are up and over a certain mark.

I know that since I've crested 500 and as I creep closer to 600, that my expenses and needs have doubled and tripled within a short weight/time. It's almost overwhelming and of course, the extremist in me is turned on by the fact that it's so ridiculously costly as with any struggle related to me being absolutely massive. But... my checkbook isn't turned on whatsoever.

I earn more then a decent living and probably a great deal more than the average couple combined and I can't keep up. That makes me wonder what other people do and/or have considered as a solution or if they just throw in the towel on continuing to gain.

For myself, I pretty much have come to a crossroads where I'm deciding if I have to take a break indefinitely until I build up a fat nest egg or continue on without all the comforts I need/am used to/deserve. Some of them are simple comforts.. like being.. comfortable! ie. a place to sit that is sturdy enough not to keep needing replacement and an adjustable bed that will allow me to lie in bed and raise my legs or head.

I have to tell you.. it's been a very tough time for me in trying to make a decision as to what to do and I've yet to be able to make a solid decision. Haha, if I do.. it changes daily or hourly. I keep switching between wanting to be selfish and not worrying about the cost/consequence and pausing/losing a little so that the control freak in me and my inability to let a situation go to a point where I don't have it managed and in order is satisfied. It's almost like trying to choose which limb or sense I can live without. Because up to recently, I've been able to pull it all together without compromising at all.

So, comfort/accountability or my desires/sexuality? What will win in the end and why must I choose?

I pretty much have no control over my desires to be fat and fatter.. I think that's fairly apparent (and don't feel bad for me at all - I embrace and dig it a great deal), but I do have control over how I proceed. So far, my desire to be fatter has always won out, but now that it's become a burden where it will affect my ability to be comfortable and to care for others that depend on me, I don't know that it will.




Anyway, I ended up making this immensely personal and related to me. But I thought it was an important thing to discuss. The monetary factor and the costs involved. I know that there are other concerns involved with gaining to my size and further into immobility that should also be considered when making a decision to alter your body to such extremes, but for me, they've never been a hindrance - this is the first time in my fat journey where I've stopped and given pause for even a moment or second thought. That being said, I'm curious if this is a wall other people have hit or consider and how do you deal with it or consider your options or get past it?

In a fantasy world, there would be fat castles and wealthy feeders to build them. They will be fully staffed and stocked with food and all the comforts needed... but I don't live on that planet and until I do, I'm forced to choose a path - neither of which are ideal and that just makes me incredibly... (I can't really find the word)... lost?

Haha, so much for a quick note and for making it so serious. But maybe sharing on this personal of a level and getting feedback from others will allow me to be able to make a choice with more insight instead of just flipping a coin in my head like I've currently been doing for months.

Thanks for reading and mucho hugs,
Heather

Heather, just curious about one thing that wasn't clear from your (very moving, well written, and thoughtful) post. The costs that you are facing, how much is largely one time costs, versus how much is recurring/regular costs?

In the first category would be all the furniture needed to make life safe and comfortable, re-modelling parts of your living quarters, adaptive aids of various sorts, vehicles or vehicle modifications, and things like that....you might have to replace them eventually, to to some extent once you've got all of that in place you aren't replacing it all that often.

In the other is increased cost of food, clothing, travel, and 'convenience' costs where you need extra help to get things done.

Do you have any feel for what the split in the costs is? So how much is having a lump of money for the one time costs, and how much is needing higher income for higher cost of living?

(and no pressure to answer, it just seemed like it would be good information for anyone else looking at this sort of thing)

I'm confused by this question... I own a BBW modeling site online and that is what I do for a living already....

Well it depends on the situation as a whole, but I can answer this in regards to my experiences.

These are expenses/things I do or have already:

For Travel/Shopping:

Scooter (I have a few)
Minivan (A larger sized model with extra room and with lift installed)
Travel Shower Seat/Showerhead/Reaching Aides/Bidet Attachment
Extra Plane Seats
Limited Hotels (They must be full service and have roll-in showers.)
Tip Money - I utilize lots of services from staff members and if they are going the extra mile for me due to my size, I tip them for their services.


Inside The Home:

I live in an over sized space to begin with or else I'd bump into everything. I luckily rent a home that has all the living areas on one level with larger doorways and over sized rooms.


Bathroom Stuff @ Home:

Oversized Walk-In Shower - Shower Seat - Reaching Aids - Bidet Attachement - Ottoman/Seating In Bathroom For Before/After Shower - Handheld Showerhead with good water pressure and centered spray.


Household Furniture & The Little Things:

All of my furniture is large or accommodates heavier weights. There are spots to sit and "rest" in between rooms because of walking distance issues.

I also have a 700lb rated lift chair to raise my legs and not break under my heavy weight. (Although it sucks because it assumes I'm 6ft tall and that's an issue because I'm far from it. Blah.)

I have a step bench to get into my bed and to be able to rest my feet flat when sitting on the side of the bed. This was special built to hold my weight.

I have a bazillion pillows on my bed so I can prop up. (But this isn't working anymore as I've gotten heavier.)

I have special order office chairs that are 30 inches wide in the seat. (I can't use them anymore though, I compute from my lift chair or couch.)

I have special built outdoor furniture benches, lounger and glider that go up to 800+ lbs.

Lots of larger sized snack tables for meals sitting on the couch and other places not at the regular dining table.


Additional Expenses:

Cleaning Lady - 1x weekly.
CNA/Helper Lady - 1x-2x weekly. (Helps do things I can't do including household organizatiomn/fetching/lotioning/shaving/etc.)
Food (Haha, we won't even go there - you get the idea.)
Clothes (These don't last long and it's a big process of trial and error to find things that fit and generally the good stuff costs big money.)

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Now, many of the things listed above were limitations or needs after I was say 450 and progressed as I got larger. For example, I can't fit in a regular tub/shower combination and haven't been able to properly since 475ish and I can't even fit in one at all now - it's a joke to even try.

Also, some of the things above I would have whether I was my current size or smaller - like a cleaning lady - I'm too huge for that stuff and have been for a long time.
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Now, the things that I am having become more necessary and can't keep up with expense wise:

I need my helper lady more then the 1 to 2 times per week that she comes for a couple of hours - it's just not enough. I need more personal care for my legs like lotioning/shaving help and such on a more regular basis.

I just recently hired a lady to come give me manicures and pedicures. This isn't just for vanity and not anyone can do them. Having healthy feet/nails are very important if you are fat. Legs/Feet are uber important things to pay attention to and keep well groomed for fear of possible infection. The manicure/nails things is for me to just have pretty nails. I had to have someone come in house because I'm just too fat to hoist into the chairs in the salon and even if I do manage it, I can't fit both my calves in the foot basin at the same time or hold my leg up long enough for them to gain access to my soles, etc.

I leave the house a lot less then I'd like and I have a scooter to use as legs to get me around places. Why then? The stairs! Even though all my living areas are on one level - I have to go down a flight or up a flight of stairs to get back to that level if I go out. Luckily, they are extra wide and carpeted with a sturdy railing - but still - I can barely do them and 80-90% of the time I am assisted by John pulling me up by the hand/forearm by pulling each time I take a step to hoist me up another. So I need a stair-lift and they are expensive - very much so.

My couches - well I don't have one that's not the "show" couch right now. I had to send the last purchase back. I need a electronic recline sofa and it has to have the extra wide seat (like a sofa split down the middle instead of three sections). Essentially the seat is like the size of a chair and a half. My last purchase was perfect, but I had it 10 days before I demolished the padding/cushions and frame under where my weight hit most. Luckily, this time I got my money back - but this couch was a replacement to a broken couch before it and that one was a replacement to a broken couch before that! I've been through 3-4 couches in less then 2 years. I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

My bed - the pillow propping just isn't working anymore. I wake in the night half askew with different body parts that have completely fallen asleep or lost blood circulation due to me weight bearing on it awkwardly. Now this is an expensive bed that I bought to accommodate my weight. It was about $2000 but that's not enough anymore. I need a bed that lifts at the head and feet. Those sell to the tune of $3500-$6000 dollars.

The above two are the big scary expenses - but I know there are more. I think I'll need more then just a standard lift on my minivan moving forward and maybe a lift seat that lowers and then lifts me into the van - a larger van if I get a hundred or two hundred lbs heavier.

Now you ask, what the hell am I thinking trying to leave the house at over 650-700+ lbs - well because I would want to be able to as much as I can - with the aids to allow it to happen. I need to go to doctor appointments, family gatherings, etc. I will not give those things up just because I'm immobile. Unless I'm blissfully trapped under 1000+ lbs of blubber - I expect to get shit done inside and outside of the house until that stage.

Oh, I forgot shoes - haha - I can't get any that fit anymore. This wasn't a problem until the last 100 lbs. It's a joke and if my feet aren't swollen I can get into some shoes - but it's become a huge challenge. I am going to have to go to a cobbler.

I feel like I've just overexposed myself in blabbing all this out and I'm not even sure I've answered your questions properly by doing so. But I hope this gives a little insight.

But to wrap this all up, I realize some of these things are comfort items I could do without. I could just lay in bed and get used to the discomfort - but I feel like I want/need/desire/deserve all these simple comforts and shouldn't be denied myself them just because I'm massive.

So the morale of the story is... being huge is definitely a "luxury item". So if you can't afford a luxury car, you can't afford to be a luxury sized lady or have one as a partner.

just a quick note to let people know I plan on responding to the replies since my last post - I've just been away running a weekend long event and trying to catch up on work/sleep/etc.

I didn't want people to think I bailed.

Fat Hugs,
Heather

Thanks for sharing so much information, Heather! I wonder if between the various people in this community it would be possible to make a "here are some of the costs you may face as you grow" list, with rough numbers beside it. Might be an eye opener for some, as well as letter others plan better?

Good luck with whichever path you choose, it sounds like a really hard choice to make.

I am maybe not explaining it fully, but the way we do it now with the pull/assist is working but your points are completely valid.

As for the ramp, it won't work - it's a full flight of stairs - not just a few. I wish it were just a few

Hi Dee,

I'm sorry to hear about your poor health and I hope by the time I respond that things are looking up for you.

I wish I was able to budget as you do, because it seems you are able to live at your size without major expenses. I'm not sure if my discomfort is because of the way I'm built (I'm very short) or if it's just because I'm just not used to certain seats/bedding. Or maybe it's just growing pains for me, because getting this big and bigger is becoming more rapid as I get fatter. I'm not sure, but I respect and value your insight.

Whereas you don't have the same weekly income, your health insurance is providing you with the extra care you need without extra expense and this is good. Get all the help you can. I know that for me, having my lady come just a few hours a week is not enough. I also don't have the availability of sliding scales for my rent, etc. So I think the bulk of my costs go for that.

In addition, what you've mentioned about your last partner and your current makes a things a bit more clear for me - as I do have a partner who helps me but I don't allow him to help me with the "super fat" stuff because of guilt, because he's an FA but not a feeder/encourager so I find that I want to accommodate myself with outside paid help to lessen the guilt. I'm not sure. But I'm glad you have those around you willing to help out.

So it looks like you can make it work if you have health insurance assistance and low income resources. I just don't know that everyone has the same access to those or maybe not even the same resources where they live.

Bottom line is, it's still a tricky situation. But you have made it work in your situation - so I'm hopeful that I can in mine as well.

Thanks for posting!

Fat Hugs,
Heather

This might be a good idea moving forward. I should try to budget better or plan ahead. I just didn't realize that things would drastically change in a matter of 50ish pounds, but it has.

I also failed to mention that I not only run/support my own household, but my Mom's as well. I pay the rent/car/trash/etc for my Mom's home which is not cheap either It's my Mom, her husband and my little 12yo sister. I've tried having us all live together, but that didn't work out

So in total, I'm currently responsible for 6 adults, one tween and 4 dogs - this adds up. I should have taken that into consideration in my original post. Because some folks think it was for me to boast, which wasn't my intention at all More coming on that.

I'm not sure why this question was posed in this thread. I was just trying to discuss the financial stress of being super huge. I'm sure this topic among many others have been and need to be discussed/considered by gainers and their partners.