General

Caution – wall o’words ahead! (I may have spent way too much time thinking about this stuff over the years…..)

Obviously this stuff varies a lot from person to person, but even more so across the gender divide. I’m going to toss out some experience and thoughts, but I do understand that in this area in particular guy-stuff and girl-stuff isn’t always the same.

First of all, I’d agree that you want to wrap your heads around this now, because decades of issues are not a good plan. Secondly, if it is an issue now when you are young and pumping as much hormones as blood through your veins (yes, that is an exaggeration) it isn’t apt to get better later, IMO. Third, in this sort of area, the more you worry or stress about it, the less well anything is apt to work, so not getting stuck in a vicious cycle is a good plan! So good on you for addressing it rather than pushing the concerns aside.

Some questions.

Are all your fat related ‘hot-buttons’ feeding and weight-gain related? Or to put it another way, are your issues that you don’t think he is an FA or that you don’t think he is a feeder? If he is turned on by whatever degree of chubby that you are, but wasn’t turned on feeding you or you gaining weight, would that make any difference? For that matter, are your fantasies all about you, or does other people being fat, getting fed, gaining weight, etc turn you on? (if it does, perhaps that makes it easier to externalize your fantasies?)

Are you sure he isn’t some degree of an FA? He may not be hard-core, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you because of your chubby body rather than despite it. And even if he isn’t into chubbiness in general he might be into rounder, softer, bums, or the tapered shape that chubby thighs have, or the softened face, etc. Unless he knows that you like it, why would he ever offend his girlfriend by telling her he likes anything about her being fat? (since that is tantamount to calling her fat, which is supposedly about the worst thing you can tell a woman).

Do you have any other kinks that you might be able to leverage? As in, if your feeding fantasies are ‘sub’ related (and they may not be, there are all sorts of different ways to fantasize weight gain….but as an example, if they are), perhaps you could see if you can expand your fantasies to other sub type activities, and see if he has any dom type tendencies?

For that matter, have you managed to get him to reveal any of his preferences, quirks, or fetishes? Granted that if he is your age, the hormonal amplifier can make pretty much anything that isn’t an outright turn-off seem pretty hot, so he may not have figured out the signal from the noise just yet (at least that is my recollection of that age). But the plus side of that is things that are lesser turn-ons for him may still be entirely enough of a turn-on to arouse him, so it could be a good time to work on anything where you can establish any degree of sexual common ground.

You said you would not be comfortable revealing your fetish to him, which is very understandable. But could you be brave enough to talk about some of the implications of it? Just maybe that could create enough of a bridge, make you more comfortable, etc that it might be enough. Things like:

- After seeing a diet ad or something “I know everyone expects me to be insecure about my body because I’m chubby, but honestly I’ve never really wanted to be thin. I like being curvy and cuddly, and even having a squishy little tummy.” (that could give him permission to be more open about liking some of those parts of your body)
- or after a good meal together “I know this is pretty weird, but there is something about having a tummy full of good food that puts me in a frisky mood. So now you know my weakness, save the money on roses, put it into dinner—just don’t abuse it too much or you know the consequences.” (which may make him more eager to see you eat well, and you have even openly told him that if he keeps you eating well you’ll probably gain weight).
- Or “My breasts are a little tender right now, could you go easy on them tonight? Gentle kisses on them would still be good—and gentle kisses on my tummy, too, please.” (look, he wants to turn you on, you are giving him directions, if it works he is not going to complain)

FWIW, my sexuality is all tied up in fat stuff (I’m chubby, an FA, and a mutual gainer at heart), while my wife has a sexuality that seems more aligned with being a sub. I apparently cannot do dom stuff in a useful sort of way (nor does it do anything for me, my take on sex is much more a mutual pleasuring of two people working together as equals, with no power transfer involved), so our sexualities don’t naturally intersect very well. But for a lot of years the fact that I’d want sex and could be the aggressor was just enough for my wife, and the fact that she loves food and had gained a fair bit of weight over the early years of

Couldn't he roleplay as a FA for just those occasions? Would that help? He could see it as just nothing more than any other roleplay, to not make him uncomfortable.

I've also had this problem. Some of the things you've said are eerily similar ("could just be preformance anxiety" ). It eventually ended a four year relationship for me. Sex was never a top priority for me, but she was a pretty sexual person. So, with the world telling me how important sex is I've gone out and slept with a few women and have found that there are definitely things beyond this kink that get me off, but indulging in it is waaaay easier.

Don't let yourself go insane like I did for those four years. Listen to your body.

Sadly, yes I know this feeling all to well. It's so impossibly hard to be turned on without at least some aspect of feederism in sex... Ruined a lot of relationships for me. blah.

Ouch! That must have been tough.

I definitely see where it is much more intense with feelings like most of us have on here to have weight gain, feeding etc introduced in order to achieve total excitement and in some cases orgasm.

My wife has gained and lost many times throughout our relationship. I would say obviously the most intense arousal and enjoyment for me and I believe her as well was when she was not only her heaviest but also let go of any inhibitions. Obviously her being much heavier and looking absolutely Beautiful she also began to use her ability over me by teasing me with her bigger figure and she became so comfortable and confident/sexy being bigger that it was unbelievably great!

Transversely when she was much thinner not only my appetite for love making was much less I believe hers was as well. She wasn't as sexual and didn't seem as relaxed or responsive. During love making sessions at these times she seemed more distant and probably it had something to do with me but it just really jumps out at me. Also, during these times I found myself unintentionally remembering of her when she was so much heavier and how her body looked to make the love making more enjoyable and to peak the excitement for me. It felt a bit wrong in a way but that's my biggest turn on is visualizing her gaining weight and being heavier.

Oh god yes. To the initial poster and the people who have described similar situations. I totally have the same issues.

Added to that... my whole fetish feels like it came about through being made to feel shame about being fat (the brain's way of turning it around into something positive? I don't know) and as a result I find it excruciatingly embarrassing to talk about with anyone not from this "scene" or positively pro-WG or feedism. Plus I'm not a leader in the bedroom department At All. So. The very idea of introducing/discussing/incorporating fat stuff into any action with my partner (of a billion years) is just squirm-worthy. I know he wouldn't give two tosses about my having a kink. I know that he'd probably be up for trying anything and would be open-minded. And I know that if I could bring myself to be frank about what turns me on it would probably be awesome. BUT I am still paralysed by the squicking awfulness of discussing it.

PAH. I hate when you know what you have to do but Just. Can't.

So yeah I just looked this up to see if I was alone. And it brought me right to my ff account lol. Anyways I too have trouble, I have had sex a couple times now and both times I couldnt cum. As well as when I did stuff b4 that, that should have made me. I have never been with a girl with the same fetish as me tho. Never had a feede/gainer but when I'm alone that's what I get off to regularly...

I have some own experiences and some advice, but you might not like it.

I believe that people are what they are, their sexual likes will never change and so the reason that you can't have orgasms is because he is not feeding you or wanting you to grow, which you need.
I used to be in your situation, but then I met feedees and had the most incredible sex ever, I could turn on a woman by just touching her belly and telling her how much I love how fat she is and that I want her to grow. It is like a match made in heaven. I magically got a lot of women to orgasms that never had much of one before, just because they needed to be fed and have a feeder that understood what they needed and wanted.

Now, that I have experienced the best sex in the world, I have a hard time enjoying it with people that are not into it. I also started gaining and am now also a feedee and want a woman that is into my belly, into me gaining. If a woman does not like my belly or wants me to lose weight, I can't even consider that as a valid opinion, because I feel she is just plain wrong and has no clue.
I know what I want and I can't unforget how the sex was. I have met women that thought they were not very sexual, because they had never been fed and then had sex and realized, oh no, they were super sexual.

It has to fit and be the right thing for you and not everybody is the same.

Now I would recommend that you tell your partner that you are like this. Because sooner or later, it will come out anyway. And if he is totally against it, then I'm sorry to say, you will probably never have satisfying sex in your life, if you chose to stay with him. I'm sorry, this is not what you probably want to hear, but one cannot deny your true self, unless you chose to live unhappily ever after, in constant sexual frustration.
People do that, they prefer not to have satisfying sex just to keep a relationship. But my experience has been that relationships like this don't last, because they are not based on the very deep thing that connects us, love, passion, sex, intimacy.

So you might delaying by not showing him and then later you will want to be recognized and seen still.

Like Shakespeare said: this above all else, to thyne own self be true!

Being honest with him once it became comfortable or something might make things work out that way though I'm not entirely sure.

I've had similar scenarios where I found out I was into belly play and belly-button play, but my lady is not. It gets kinda awkward when I want to do something like that with her and she pushes me away, but that's how life goes sometimes?