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my lady needs new clothes4 months

My lady is approaching 300 lbs, but is rather resistant to letting me buy her new clothes. She keeps talking about wanting to lose weight, but the numbers on the scale slowly get higher.
Any advice about words or gestures I could use to help her feel comfortable about buying new clothes that actually fit?

my lady needs new clothes4 months

It's her decision whether she gains or loses, and her decision to buy whatever clothes she wants.

my lady needs new clothes4 months

Thanks for your input, but that's not really helpful. You're not wrong, but you're also not addressing the question I asked.

my lady needs new clothes4 months

In the end it's her decision but there's always room for discussion smiley How serious do you think she is about dieting ? When is the last time she went on a diet and what were the results ? Does she stick to her diet easy or is it more like a living hell to her ? Does she lose weight easy when she diets ? How much has she recently gained to have to buy new clothes now ? Untill what weight was she comfy with it ? Is it social pressure or truly her own desire to lose weight ? Is it a crucial extra size she has to buy now, a psychological big number or just a size up without any meaning ? Does she know you actually want her to grow even bigger or is she only assured you take the weight she is and not have a problem with it ? Those things can all make a difference in her decision. But once again, if she is determined to lose weight, you gotta respect her choice and live with it. After all weight is only a number, it's love that will keep the two of you together !

my lady needs new clothes4 months

I think she's serious when she says she wants to diet at the time she says it, but I'm not sure if she's just repeating what she's heard from her mother and society her whole life. The last time she said it, I reminded her about it when it was time for dessert and she dismissed it so she could have an ice cream cone. So you know, conflicting messages.
When we initially got together she weighed around 185-190 and lost 35-40 pound in the first year we were together, that's when I told her I liked bigger women. she stopped trying to lose weight and gained up to 220 or so over the next few years. She then went through 2 pregnancies and peaked at 285 and then settled back down to about 260-265 and stayed there for 5 years.
Then we broke up... for reasons. and she lost about 40 pounds.
We got back together about a year later and the next time we talked about it, she told me that she enjoyed me feeding her and was aroused by it, but she felt uncomfortable about it, because it made her feel weird.
Fast forward to now, she has gained all of her weight back and some extra. She is having more trouble moving about, but since she's rather sedentary anyway it hasn't been too prominent of an issue. The clothes became an issue because she started commenting about how all of her biggest clothes are getting uncomfortably tight and I offered to take her to buy some new stuff. Then she dropped the diet bomb. I reminded her of our earlier conversation and express my desire for her and how I''d love her to grow bigger. The conversation started getting a little heated, but it ended with me agreeing not to encourage her to eat so much.
I have respected her wishes, but she occasionally she tries to entice me sexually by letting me feed her and showing off how much she's eaten. More mixed messages.
Getting back to the clothes, she works at a school and I suspect that she'll need new clothes for work once school starts, but I'm reluctant to point this out to her. It seems like she would rather not pay attention to it.

my lady needs new clothes4 months

Aurelius505:

I have respected her wishes, but she occasionally she tries to entice me sexually by letting me feed her and showing off how much she's eaten. More mixed messages.


I doubt it's "mixed messages" because that would suggest it's about you. "Mixed emotions" would be more accurate and it's how most of us fat girls feel. It's easy to believe that people either love or hate being fat but such extremes are rarely the case. Being a member of this community can reinforce the idea that some people 100% love it but even most of us on here have mixed emotions.

The thing most of us who have naturally gained weight (like your wife) have in common is that we love food! It's that which makes dieting hard, rather than being conflicted about whether or not we want to be fat/fatter. And then when you add in an erotic feeling associated with overeating, and a partner who loves your fat body, it gets even harder!

For me (and I know it's true for other women, so it might be true for your wife) these feelings go in a cycle with my own hormone cycle. If that's the case for her, then knowing that it might help you to understand and preempt her changing moods.

But back to the clothes - buying a bigger size will probably be a big psychological barrier so just give her time ... And then be there with the credit card and lots of complements when she is ready or has no option!

Even if she does diet, she's unlikely to lose lots of weight.

my lady needs new clothes4 months

Spot on Evie ! I couldn't have said it any better. Growing fatter naturally is most definetely caused by love for food and having a hard time to diet. You've just described my GF smiley

Yet sometimes I think it isn't wrong to give a push into the size up direction. After all I do understand you as well Aurelius. You don't want your partner to go back to work in outgrown clothes, or even worse : ripping pants on the job. Besides that, bulging out of clothes will only accentuate her growth more and possibly lead to more social pressure.

Recently I've had such an issue with my gf as well. Apart from the fact her pants didn't fit without risking a button pop, her undies were ripped out. Not by a bit, she destroyed them entirely. I decided to buy her a size bigger, with the sole purpose of comfort, not to encourage her to grow bigger but she wasn't happy at first. Once she knew my intentions were only to comfort her and I promised to support her if she would decide to go on a diet, she was okay again. Then she bought bigger pants as well. Probably knowing that this diet wouldn't start soon or not at all. But it's the thought that counts.

Don't under estimate family and social pressure, for most women that is harder than for a man. Add health worries, those will win from the 'enjoy life no matter the scales' feeling, which is understandable. Don't under estimate the moving around problems as well. They may seem minor to you but maybe she feels them more intense than you know. It's not a strange thing to fear for immobility or not being able to move around like she was always able to. She might feel that she crossed a line having these problems. Knowing her body has exceeded her limits, not wanting to make things worse and cross the point of no return. And then there is indeed the hormone cycle, which makes feelings way stronger than they probably already are. Try to understand that ! If it weren't for all those things I think every foodie woman wouldn't have a problem to gain without ever stopping.

As for the sexual part : that's up to the two of you. Just never forget to express your love and passion for her and for her body, no matter what she weighs !

my lady needs new clothes4 months

Thanks so much for replying!
I admittedly (embarrassingly) don't always think about that Evie, thanks for pointing that. I read your post a few days ago and have been trying to notice when I might be coming off as pushy. Even though I feel like I'm just trying to be supportive and encouraging, considering what you wrote, I can see how I might be creating pressure unintentionally. So I'll keep working on that.

my lady needs new clothes4 months

Thanks for your reply as well Oliver! It's good to know I'm not the only one in this situation and I appreciate your point of view.

my lady needs new clothes4 months

Just always have tasty food in the fridge, sweets. She will do all the work by herself. 10 lbs later she cant refuse her gaining