Hmm, bit of a roadtrip (madison, WI here) But I'd be down!

Done it a few times, and learned some interesting things: People are more likely to hold a door open when they see someone who looks like they weigh a quarter of a ton is coming their way, you have to learn the art of 'shopping sideways' because your massive belly will get in the way, and other good things like that.

Just recently discovered these myself. They're just the thing for getting that 'wide all around' look without having lumps or seams!

Yes. I had just come back from running errands (going out in public looking like a total blimp is pretty hot, I recommend it!) and was in my apartment just in time to have my roommate come into the kitchen just as I was entering. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked 'Have you gained weight?' I told him 'No.' and was telling the complete truth XD.

That sounds like a lot of fun! Just wandering around being nice and immense

I found myself on the receiving end of a four-day weekend, and was uncertain how I was going to spend my time. Suddenly inspiration struck, and I decided that anytime I left the house I was going to 'dress up' to the point that I looked nice and huge (a picture of my current 'size' is in my profile!)

Anyway, when you go out you wind up talking to people, and some funny things came out of my mouth. Here are three of the best:


#1
Location: 7-11 store on Thanksgiving
Situation: I stopped by the 7-11 to pick up some soda because I didn't have any and everything else was closed. As I get out of my car and waddle towards the front door I see the cashier out front having a smoke.
CASHIER: S'up?
ME: Oh, just here to pick up some goodies.
CASHIER: You done the turkey thing yet?
ME: Not yet!
The guy looked like I slapped him upside the head with a large fish.

#2
Location: A local Safeway
Situation: I had just stopped in to use the bathroom, and on the way out I decided to get some snacks. I go to pay for my stuff, and the following is said:
CASHIER: Hey there, how ya doin?
ME: Oh, you know how it is (rubs belly) My lord and master calls, and I must obey!
This cracked the cashier up so badly, he chewed me out! "I'm just here trying to do my job and you people are making me laugh like a damn fool!" (apparently the customer before me cracked him up too. ) But hey, I made somebody laugh, so mission accomplished!

#3
Location: Big & Tall menswear store.
Situation: I had gone in looking for pants for a bigger look down the road. When I went in I noticed that everyone working the store (including the ladies) were extra soft & squishy, so I thought I might have some luck. Sadly, the following exchange takes place:
RATHER ATTRACTIVE PLUS-SIZED WOMAN WORKING AT THE STORE: Hello there, can I help you?"
ME: Yeah, I sure hope so! (points to a pair of pants) I really like these. Do you have them in a size higher than 62 (the size of the pants I'm currently wearing.)
RAPSWATS: (without missing a beat) Sadly, we don't carry that size in the store, You can check our website and have then delivered here.
ME: Aw poop!
(Trivia fact: I did indeed go to their website. They do indeed have larger pants sizes, up to 72.)

Anyone else have any weighty words as they're off on their adventures?

Hmm, that could be intriguing....It would have to someplace appropriate: A buffet restaurant or somesuch!

That does indeed sound like a good time....

Does a massive case of Anglophilia let me qualify?

I remember a cute wordless video about a heavy guy who wanted to talk to a cute girl, but is convinced that she won't talk to him because he's so heavy. So he hits the treadmill, and it fades to him getting in shape....and just as he's getting ready to talk to the cute girl, a big heavy guy, walks up to her, does the whole raise-the-eyebrow thing, and they immediately glom onto each other and get all smoochy. Sadly, i've forgotten where I saw it.