Dolan:
So I’ve recently gotten back into this and I want to gain a lot of weight. The problem is that I want to be encouraged by a feeder girl but it seems like no one wants to help you when you’re first starting out. I love the fit to fat aspect of this but I feel like I’m going to have to prove myself alone and gain weight before anyone takes me seriously. Wish there were more feeders open to male feedees/gainers just starting out.
I'm afraid it is a struggle, but there's not really any way around it. There's several reasons for this. In short, it's probably because you haven't yet experienced and worked through certain issues, problems, and phases.
1) Scammers are a thing, and may try to capitalize on the fit to fat fantasy. I'm
NOT saying that's you, but this may be a factor.
I remember when Shar was new - no one believed she was real until she actually gained a substantial amount of weight.
2) Someone may not be a scammer and have the fantasy, but lacks the courage to actually go through with it.
3) Or that someone gets part of the way, only to be unable to take the heat.
Maybe someone else around made comments and it hit them too hard. This could theoretically happen with as few as 20 lbs.
4) Maybe they get through part of the way, but the reality is different and find themselves unable to deal with it. Kind of related to point #3. Underestimating possible financial cost happens often.
Maintaining usually isn't that hard, but to actively gain, this could take a lot of food, which might not always be the cheapest thing.
Those who start at much lower weights, particularly under XL size, will go through a LOT more clothing sizes. 120 to 170 lbs covers a lot more different clothing sizes than say, 200-250, if only because you need so much more weight for each additional inch of size/measurement.
New clothes aren't necessarily the cheapest thing, though this can also depend on personal fashion preference. While less likely than before, some jobs still require suits, and the jobs that do, you probably don't want the cheapest suit available.
Some clothing brands also don't go above 2XL or so.
Other possible additional costs don't stop there, but clothes replacement cost is usually the first thing folks notice. For example, I had to pay around $90 to resize one of my rings. You will have to be careful to avoid furniture that looks like it might be too flimsy.
5) Even if none of the aforementioned so far were problems, another thing those who are thinner actually struggle with sometimes? Being able to actually eat enough.
But yeah, there's all sorts of reasons why someone might call it quits or not stick with it. And I think maybe in general, most don't want to help you work through these issues. Sounds crappy, but pretty sure that's what is going on here.
6) While crappy, there are some folks out there who think that if you don't have an at least overweight BMI. That you're fake or not serious. I haven't seen that toxic attitude on FF very much so far, but it's something I have observed elsewhere.
7) Not strictly related, but the gender imbalance is very lopsided, so being male, your odds of finding someone are very bad and don't favor you, at least on FF or any other online feederism space. Also, membership density is simply too low, as in others who are at least somewhat nearby (within 2 hours).
I've been on here for almost 17 years, but a long time ago I accepted, even assumed and have taken for granted that because of this unbalance, I will never find anyone for a relationship on here. I have no expectations, and thus can't be disappointed.
It's far, far, far easier to just find a fat woman who likes eating, maybe also likes cooking, but probably isn't into this sort of thing and maybe isn't even aware this even exists. Especially someone who might actually be nearby, and you might actually be able to meet in person.
Anyway, I hope I was able to provide some insight into why perhaps it might seem no one takes them seriously, sometimes.
