It's just maturity. It happened to me about a year ago. Everyone subconsciously decides how to balance making others happy with making oneself happy, and conscious adjustments to this balance may be made along the way. In my case, I was fortunate enough to have someone in my life who was more accepting of me than I was, who helped me appreciate my differences. This, in combination with all the unrewarded effort I had put into failed friendships and relationships, caused me to be happily and unapologetically myself, which includes my desire to gain weight.

I used to be conflicted about it. I used to be worried about what others would think, how my parents would react, and such. Now I simply don't care, and am satisfied to act on my desires alone.

I recently attended a six-hour performance of Messiaen's St-Francois d'Assise. What can I say, it was an experience. I enjoy the contemporary stuff, but am just not nearly as acquainted with it yet. Never heard of Subotnick, for instance, but I will look up the name.

I listen to a lot of classical music, primarily late Romantic and early 20th century material. Some favourite composers of mine are Mahler, Grainger, and Berg. Recently I've been enjoying Zemlinsky's Lyric Symphony and Stravinsky's Petrushka a great deal.

Sometimes I think how stupid it is that physical characteristics are at all considered when looking to enter a relationship with someone. I mean, I think fat people are totally hot and am proud to say so, but I have a history of meeting, and subsequently dating, thin people with great personalities, and how shallow would it be of me to complain about this? But here I am, complaining. I want to meet fat people with great personalities, because with as many people as there are on this planet, there ought to be a cake that I can both have and eat, as well as have a companion to share it with.

But that requires meeting people. I'm bad at meeting people. I leave poor first impressions. People think I'm bitter and sarcastic, cold and closed off, when in truth I want so badly to reach out to people and don't know how. I'm not bitter, I just have a peculiar sense of humour and manner of speaking. I'm not cold, I'm just cripplingly introverted and so it may sound a bit forced when I have to be the one initiating conversation. I have plenty to say once I'm situated, and can tell stories, and write songs, and predict the future. Or at least tell lies in the interest of my own intrigue.

Hi, I'm Sam, pleased to meet you. I'd be delighted to be your friend.

I wish I had more good friends, or that I heard from the ones I did have more often.

I do a lot of things with the intention of making myself appear more interesting. Because I'm aware I have this motivation, I always question everything I do a bit too much.

I think about doing things much more than I do them. This makes me cautious, but far less productive than I strive to be.

I always thought it went...
The First Law of Thermodynamics is, you do not talk about thermodynamics!
The Second Law of Thermodynamics is, you do NOT TALK about thermodynamics!