chapter 1

You know me. I'm the type of woman that is perpetually on a diet always trying to lose those last 5, 10, 15 ... pounds. I deny myself dessert, swap white carbs for vegetables and make a mean cauliflower pizza crust with zucchini noodles.

Here's the rub, I obsess over food. I miss it. Just writing that is making me drool. Sometimes I make delicious meals and scrumptious desserts just to have the smell in the house.

My grandmother passed along an amazing, decedent recipe for chocolate cake with a fabulous buttercream frosting. Before the diet years hit I would make one and layer it high with buttercream, whipped cream and ice cream and go to town. I would let crumbs stick to my lips and fall to my chest licking wayward buttercream from my fingers. Those moments alone were so precious to me. Then I met a man who valued thinness and depravation and away went my cake.

Leaving him was the best 200lbs I've ever lost. Still, my thoughts on food were negatively colored. Then, on a walk I met her. She was sitting on a park bench surrounded by snacks. In shorts and a crop top halter she liked her fingers after each bite. Watching her eat with abandoned reminded me of my cake days.

We caught eyes and she smiled beckoning me by shaking a bag of potato chips. The fat on her arm swaying with each joyous moment. Her soft stomach heaved as she laughed. She rubbed that belly with greasy chip fingers.

'Allie.' She licked her lips and ate another handful of chips. Allie had to be about 300lbs. On her 5'4, slight frame it was a whole lot of jiggle. She offered me a chip bag.

I opened up to her about my ex, my eating habits and she laughed. 'Maybe if you feed me, it will take some of the stress off.' It seemed silly but I fed chips one by one into her rosebud mouth. She licked my fingers and it felt like the Miranda of yesteryear enjoying her cake.

Allie and I would meet once a week at the park for our therapy sessions. Each week she would bring a food to gorge on and I would happily feed it to her. Her cheeks would flush with desire as I fed her chocolate half melted from the summer heat. Allie asked to move in with me, chocolate clinging to the sides of that gorgeous mouth. 'To better be fed by you, my doll.' She said letting some melted chocolate fall to her ample breasts.

Her first day had to be special. I made a dozen chocolate cakes, piling them high with frosting and whipped cream. When Allie arrived the cakes were displayed on the table. She greedily ate them by the handful as I watched with glee. Her beautiful belly expanding with every layer of sweet, sticky frosting.

Once finished she lay in the floor inviting me to play with that glorious belly. I pawed at it like a kitten, reminded of all of the joy I used to get from food.

Since living with me Allie gained 4lbs. The more I feed her the more at peace I am with myself and she doesn't seem to mind either.