chapter 3

Practice that afternoon dragged on and on and I was pretty hungry afterwards. We had a game scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, a Saturday. I usually performed my best at these pre-game practices, but I totally sucked today. I could only think about Aidan. He’d never talk to me again, or for the first time for that matter. I guess I could count him yelling for me not to beat him up as our first conversation where he used words instead of head nods. Why had he lied about being mute? The mystery of this guy was consuming me.

A couple of guys on the team invited me out to the mall. Even though I wasn’t really in the mood, I said I’d go. Being the *** that I was, all it took was a “Big Oak, you know we’re gonna hit up the food court.”

I met up with them between the Sbarro and the Panda Express. I wouldn’t be expected home until later. I hadn’t eaten much at lunch after the whole Aidan-Bathroom debacle, so I was prepared to eat my feelings. We all ate a lot, but I ate the most every time, hands down. I had a couple slices of pizza, some fries, a double cheeseburger, an orange chicken meal, and a milkshake.

I was eating so much that the rest of the guys had already finished their food. They sat talking to one another as I stuffed my face. I’d normally be embarrassed, but I just kept at it. I ate whatever leftovers they had, and I still wanted more. The food was making me feel a little bit better. “I’m getting some Taco Bell,” I said, standing.

“You sure, Big Oak?” Kevin, our quarterback, asked me. His eyes traveled from my face to my gut. I looked down as well. My sweatshirt had ridden up, exposing the lower half of my stomach and my belly button. I tugged at it, covering the exposed flesh.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m sure. You guys can just meet me back here when you’re done if you want.”

“We’ll wait,” he said. “Wouldn’t want to miss the show, right guys?” They all laughed, and it made me feel pretty lousy. I was a gross joke to be laughed at. As good as the food had made me feel, I was now feeling worse than before.

“Hurry up, Pig Oak,” Mike, one of the wide receivers, added, still laughing. This just made everyone else laugh even harder. I wanted to go home. This wasn’t how I wanted to be treated, but it felt like I deserved it. I was a pig. Thinking about all the stuff I just ate was proof of that.

I started to laugh along with them, not wanting them to know they’d hurt my feelings. “Shut your mouth, Mike,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice level. “I may be a pig, but at least I don’t have a pencil dick.” That did it. The focus of attention had shifted from me to Pencil Dick Mike. Everyone had seen those nudes that got sent around last year. They all howled with laughter and I walked off towards the Taco Bell. I ordered six Doritos Locos Tacos, supreme.

The guys ignored me while I ate and then it was time to mall walk. In our suburb this was just how teenagers spent their time. There wasn’t much else to do in a big group. We walked around and I spent a good hour watching them get phone numbers. I was beyond bored and ready to go home, especially when they made us go into the arcade. We hadn’t been in this place since ninth grade. I sucked at arcade games back then, so I knew I was probably going to suck even worse now. I couldn’t even play the fun racing games considering I was the size of a house.

“Oak, isn't that the freak who can't talk?” Kevin asked.

“I think he can talk,” I said, looking at Aidan. “He just chooses not to.” He hadn’t noticed us yet, as he was busy restocking some of the prizes. He worked here at Game Explosion. I had to remember that. His hair was pulled back in a big halo of dark curls. He had on a bright neon, teal employee t-shirt. The color of the shirt just highlighted his beautiful bronze skin. He looked like some sort of God. He emptied fun size packages of candy into a larger bin. He was making me want to eat candy off of his body. Even my sexual fantasies involved food.

“Wanna make him talk?” Mike asked, smiling wickedly. Some of the other guys laughed at this, affirming they thought it’d be fun to fuck with him.

“No, let’s leave him alone,” I said. “He’s working and we don’t want to get him fired or something.”

“You must hate pussy so much because you are one,” Mike goaded. They all knew I was gay, and they’d make the occasional joke. I didn't care all that much, not really. It was just like earlier with the fat jokes. It was just how the guys on the team interacted with one another. I didn’t think there was anything truly malicious about it. It was just how we were supposed to show our friendship.

“We all know why you hate pussy, Pencil Dick,” I shot back, my heart not a hundred percent in it. They ignored my response and continued to push the whole Aidan thing.

“Make him talk,” Kevin continued to instigate. “We’ve seen you talking to him before.”

“Why? There’s legit no reason to.” I didn't want to bother Aidan anymore. I’d done enough to him already.

“You’re being a real fag about this,” Mike added. This gave Peter and Carter enough to start in on me as well. Before long, the four of them had peer pressured me enough to go over to him. I was trying to tell myself this was to help Aidan. If I were leading the group, I could control the situation to produce the least painful outcome.

“Fine, whatever,” I agreed. I walked up to the counter that had all the arcade prizes. I never had enough tickets to win anything cool. He looked up from his work at me, his eyes getting that deer-in-the-headlights look. There was no better comparison. He was a deer, so fragile and delicate and beautiful. And I was a fucking grizzly bear with a bunch of other grizzly bears surrounding him. Aidan could see the rest of the guys behind me; he took a few steps back, bumping into the shelves with the stuffed animals. A few of them rained down around him, but he paid them no mind. “Hey Aidan,” I said as nonthreateningly as possible. He stepped closer to the counter again, placing his hands on the top of it, like he was trying to keep himself at his post.

He looked at me and forced a smile. He was waiting for me to asked him something about the arcade. He was trying to do his job even though he was terrified of us. His eyes traveled down towards my gut, and I realized my sweatshirt had ridden up again. It was layered under my open letterman jacket. I’d gotten the jacket this school year, but the sweatshirt was from sophomore year, explaining why it was doing such a shit job of preventing me from flashing everyone my fat stomach. I tugged at it again, trying to stifle the feeling of embarrassment. “You, uh, work here?”

He nodded, still trying to hold his composure.

“He’s fucking talking to you,” Mike spat in an over-aggressive manner. Aidan’s body tensed up.

“I—I’m sorry,” he said, still smiling like everything was okay. “Can I help you guys with anything?” He had a really deep voice. It was sexy as hell.

“So you can talk,” Kevin remarked.

“Yeah,” he managed to get out, his voice barely above a whisper. He started writing again, like before we walked up to the counter, but had to stop because he was shaking so bad.

“We just wanted to say hello is all,” I said, trying to make up for the others. Those fucking idiots had scared him so bad, I doubted he’d come back to school ever again. “Let's go guys.”

They followed as I left the arcade. They were all laughing and mocking his voice. Adding a lisp that wasn’t even there. I was so pissed. They ruined everything! This was all their fault.

No. This was—this was—this was my fault too. I was just as guilty, even if I wanted to act like I had pure intentions. I didn’t try to stop them at all, not in a way that mattered.

I got in around nine, much earlier than my parents thought I would. My brother was on his computer and I said goodnight as I passed. I started doing push-ups on the floor of my bedroom. I couldn’t go into the garage to lift because it was so late, and my dad couldn't spot me. I took a shower, trying to calm myself down.

I couldn’t believe that even after everything that happened, I was turned on thinking about Aidan. His hair was so sexy pulled back like that. I pictured his face before we walked up to him, his eyes cast down at the notepad, his lips slightly parted. I reached under my gut and grabbed my dick. I could picture him beneath me in the shower, his hand on my gut to keep it out of his way while he worked my cock with those fleshy lips. I stroked myself off for another few minutes before I came all over the shower wall. I rinsed it away before getting out.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I kind of liked the way I looked. I liked my belly, which was still bloated from the food court, and I touched it. I turned to the side and took in how far it stuck out in front of me, surprised that my ass was actually sticking out almost as far in comparison. I couldn’t believe I was this big. Maybe I should diet or something and then there would be a chance for me to be happier. My hair was still wet, causing water to drip down my neck. I gave my stomach one last squeeze before I started to dry off my hair.

I had to make things up to Aidan, but I didn't know how.