chapter 25

Amy awoke in Cassie's bed early the next morning. Usually the warm familiarity of her touch felt comforting and secure but somehow this morning Cassie's arms around her seemed to suffocate her and the air in her tiny bedroom felt unbearably close and heavy.

Carefully disentangling herself from Cassie's embrace, she got up and dressed as quickly as her too tight clothing would allow. She turned to look back at Cassie; lying curled up like a kitten in the sheets, her lips quirked up in a slight smile, she uttered a small contented sigh as she rolled over into her back. Her eyes flickered a little under her eyelids, whether dreaming or about to stir, Amy was not sure but she found herself holding her breath and praying that she would not wake to see her leaving.

She didn't want to go home to face her mother's well meaning but intrusive questions about her night so she found herself almost unconsciously driving towards the only safe place she could think of: Ben's bakery. The bakery didn't open until 10 AM on a Sunday but she knew Ben would already be there hard at work preparing breads and pastries for the still slumbering residents of the town.

Amy felt a sudden pang of guilt and longing as she thought of all the lazy Sundays that she had spent with Cassie, their limbs cosily intertwined on the couch, Cassie watching TV while she idly flicked through a magazine. She would gently mock Cassie for watching "cartoons" while secretly finding it cute and endearing how easily she was able to get lost in fictional worlds. Cassie would cook epic brunches of pancakes stacked high and drenched in syrup and greasy bacon or huge plates of waffles smothered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce. And Amy would eat it all.

The image in her mind darkened and she saw the moth woman, her swollen and sluggish body stretched out on her chaise lounge. But now instead of her mask, she wore Amy's face and her body was an even bigger version of her former self. Her heavily obese body was so vast that her immense hips and rear were overflowing from the sides of the chaise lounge. Her thick neck creased into a multitude of chins while her immense belly was a collection of stretch mark covered rolls and bulges that sagged almost down to her knees. All around her the bodies of fat, grey moths fell, their grey wings shattering and covering the carpet in a thick layer of dust.

The bakery door was locked but she could see a thin shaft of light coming from the back room so she knocked on the glass window pane.

"Shop doesn't open until 10," she heard Ben shout gruffly as he emerged from the back room but his look of irritation quickly changed to a broad smile when he saw Amy.

"Sorry," he said a little sheepishly. "I thought you were that fading prom queen. You know, the mean one. She sometimes stops by early on a Sunday to buy a cookie or something to keep her brats quiet in church."

As Amy walked towards the counter, Ben's eyes were helplessly drawn to the seductive undulations of her body as she moved. He watched her thighs gently caress each other, the slow roll of her hips, the sway of her ass. He couldn't help but notice the way her body had filled out. Just a few months had turned her to jelly, every part of her was bigger, rounder and softer than before. Her face was puffy and cute, creasing into a slight double chin whenever she tilted her head down. He noticed that her arms had lost their tone and her once taut stomach was now a doughy ball of pudge. He noticed the way her curves filled every inch of her clothes and then a little more, making them tight and then some. He noticed the soft squish of her thighs against the bakery stool when she sat down. It looked like she had reverted back to her old eating habits since she had returned home and he found himself wondering what consequences a few more months of unrestrained bingeing might have on her figure.

Amy caught Ben's eye and fixed him with a hard look that told him he had been staring. He felt himself reddening and inwardly cursed himself for being a damned fool: a man in his forties blushing like a school girl.

He cleared his throat and his eyes awkwardly found the floor. "So what brings you here so early?"

"I just wanted to see you."

"Right," he said, more than a little unconvinced.

"My flight back to London is in just over a week. I couldn't leave without tasting some more of your amazing baking."

That made him grin as she knew it would. "Well, I've got cheese and bacon croissants just fresh out the oven or chocolate brioche doughnuts if you fancy something sweet."

"How about both?"

He smiled. "That's my girl."

He set a plate of rich, buttery pastries down in front of her and busied himself making coffee. While he waited for it to brew he sneaked a look at her, she had made short work of the croissant and was already tearing into the chocolate doughnut.

"Uh, Amy, you've got a little something here..." he made a vague gesture towards his face as he set a cup of coffee in front of her.

He chuckled as she dabbed at her mouth with a napkin, completely missing the smear of chocolate on her cheek.

"Here, let me get it," he leaned across the counter and took the napkin from her and cupped her cheek with one hand and wiped away the mark with the other.

He knew his touch had lingered just a moment too long when she withdrew from him. "All gone?"

"Yeah. Now you're perfect."

There was an awkward pause and then Amy spoke. "Ben... do you remember when you kissed me?"

She saw his jaw harden under the thick bristle of his beard. "Not exactly one of my proudest moments. But I thought we were past that?"

"We are but... I guess I've always wondered why."

He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and uttered a little strangled cry of frustration. "Damn, Amy. For someone so smart, you can be so dense and oblivious sometimes. Why does any guy want to kiss a beautiful girl?"

"I... I just don't understand how you could think that."

"Do I really need to spell it out to you? I like bigger women. Love handles so abundant you can sink your fingers into them, big handfuls of jiggly belly fat, full hips and thick thighs covered in soft cellulite dimples. Fat bulging everywhere and rolls galore. I love it all. Big is beautiful and more is always better."

Amy felt a fresh wave of guilt and shame as she thought of how Cassie hadn't been able to resist her growing body, how she had made every inch of her feel beautiful and adored. She would surely be awake by now. What would she think when she saw that she was gone? How would she feel?

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No - well, yes. But I want to hear it."

"Look, Amy, I still care for you. I don't think that will ever go away but I messed up, I should have understood that that wasn't what you wanted from me and I would never do something like that to Meera again."

Meera. She remembered how shocked she had been at how big Ben's wife had got since she had last seen her but now it all made sense. God, Ben was right, she really was so oblivious. But the thought of Meera's body, blown up to blimp-sized proportions still disturbed her, she couldn't imagine letting her body and appetite grow that far out of control again.

"And how does Meera feel about all this?"

Ben laughed. "Well, it's not that bad, is it? Finding out your partner is a feeder isn't exactly like finding out they're a Neo-Nazi or the leader of an international drug cartel or have a secret stash of Phil Collins albums. She was a little freaked it at first and made it clear she didn't want to gain weight and I respected that. But after her first pregnancy something shifted, she became more comfortable with the her body changing. She realised stretch marks are permanent and her body wasn't just going to magically snap back to the way it was before. Eventually she just gave up on dieting and now I have my fat, sexy wife who unapologetically indulges herself and takes as much pride in her big, beautiful body as I do."

"I'm sorry, you're right, it's not that weird. This is all just... kind of new to me."

"All these questions. I'm guessing this has something to do with that girl who's been following you around like a love sick puppy all summer?"

Amy nodded. "I never thought I would let her get so close or that things would end up so messy. But then this whole summer has been more than I bargained for. I never expected that the past that I've dismissed as a ghost, a memory or just a bad story would feel so real and raw again now that I'm back. I feel like those kids in IT who think they've vanquished the monster, only to find years later that the damned clown is still prowling around the sewers."

"This place really gets under your skin, huh?"

"Yes... but, I'm glad I came back. Not just for my mom but for me too, it's made me realise that I can't just go back to the way I've been living. Things need to change... I just haven't figured things out yet."

Somewhere in the back of the bakery an oven timer sounded.

"Shit. I've kept you from your work too long."

"Don't be silly, it's been good to see you. Just don't be a stranger this time. OK, kid."

Amy stood up on her tip toes to put her arms around his broad shoulders. "Good bye, Ben."