chapter 5

Amy looked at the number on the scales in despair.

"It's like you can gain weight just breathing the air in this town," she muttered to herself, pinching at her softening stomach with disgust.

As she stepped off the scales her eye caught the weight limit and she thought grimly that the last time she lived in this house she wouldn't have been able to weigh herself on these scales. Back in the days when her weight had been the horrible unknown, the big monster that could only be named occasionally by doctors. Their eyes always clouding with pity and judgement as they wondered how any girl could allow herself to get so fat so young.

She had regained 7lbs thick and fast in her first week at home. The rapidness of her weight gain alarmed her. Even with an empty nest, her mom still kept her cupboards and refrigerator brimming with calorie laden snacks (it was little wonder that she and her brother had grown up as poster children for America's obesity epidemic) and seemed incapable of cooking for just two people. Yet so far Amy had (mostly) resisted temptation. She knew that the main cause for her weight gain was the reclusive existence she had been leading at home. In London she had the constant routine of work and gym to occupy her but here she didn't have anything. She had barely left her mom's house and even then it was only to walk the few steps to the car.

The other factor effecting her weight was no longer smoking. Without nicotine to suppress it for the first time in years, she began to feel the faint stirrings of her appetite. It was nothing like the out of control surge that had compelled her to eat her way to over 300lbs but still it unsettled her and made her feel like she was losing her tight grip on her life.


She picked up her phone, her thumb hovering over Chloe's name as she tried to figure out what time it was in London.

"Hello?"

Just the sound of Chloe's voice, rich and warm, calmed her, made her feel more sane.

"Hey, it's me."
"Amy! It's so great to hear from you but I can't talk for long right now."
"Oh..."
"Sylvia has completely annihilated Alicia's pitch and now we're all scrambling to pull some new ideas together for tomorrow morning."
"Alicia is a hack," Amy said dismissively. "She could only get away with that pseudo theatrical Viktor & Rolf bullshit for so long."
"Wow, you've still got a real hate boner for her, haven't you?"
"I don't hate her."

No, Amy didn't hate Alicia. She f*cking despised her. Back when they were fiercely competitive interns working for the same fashion house she had naively thought that she and Alicia could be friends, even confiding in her about her weight loss. When it became apparent that they would be vying against each other for just one junior designer position Alicia began tormenting her: setting her high school yearbook picture as the desktop background of everyone in the company, ordering large quantities of doughnuts and pizza to be delivered to Amy's desk and even loosening the screws on her chair so it collapsed under her. Ultimately Amy's obsessive dedication to her job won over Alicia's dirty tricks but Amy still did everything in her power to make sure they never worked for the same company again.

"I just think Sylvia needs to get over her nepotism and stop letting Alicia use the same lazy ideas every season. She's making her brand look tired. She has other talented designers working for her. Like you."
"Well aren't you the sweetest. But listen, I've really got to go. Amir's mother is coming over for dinner tonight so I won't have much time to work at home."
"Right."
Chloe could hear Amy's voice drop and hurriedly added. "Hey, if I email you my ideas do you think you could look them over?"
"That would be great!" Amy said a little too eagerly. "I could do with something else to think about."
"I can't repay you in wine like I used to in college but would my eternal gratitude suffice?"
Amy laughed. "How do you do that?"
"What?"
"Instantl y make me feel better."
"What can I say? I'm the Amy whisperer."
"Anyway, I'll let you go."
"Thanks. You are a beautiful genius and I love you."


Amy's happiness was short lived as her mom called her for dinner. She felt betrayed by her body, her stomach uttering a low growl as her mom placed an enormous plate of mac 'n' cheese before her.

"Mrs Carter has invited us over for dinner on Friday night. Her son Todd will be there too. You remember him from high school, right?"

Oh great, the same Todd Carter who used to oink at her as she passed his desk in Biology class.

"I'm not really interested in seeing anyone, mom."
"Amy!" Her mother scolded. "Mrs Carter is a very good friend of mine. It would be rude not to accept her invitation. She's very excited to see you again and hear about all your adventures."
"Just because she hasn't done anything with her life doesn't mean she can invade mine," she said. "I'm only here for a few months and then I'm going back to my real life."
"You've barely left the house since you got back. It's not healthy."

There was a long silence between them. Amy pushed her food around the plate, avoiding her mother's eyes.

"When did my sweet girl become such a hard and angry person? I barely recognise you now."

She heard the scrape of her mother's chair against the floor as she got up to dump her plate by the sink.

"Where are you going?"
"To bed. I've lost my appetite."

Amy was left at the kitchen table, stunned and hurt by her mom's words. She stared at her plate, gripping her fork until she realised the metal was digging into her hand. She took a bite of the macaroni, the combination of fat and carbohydrates immediately soothing her. She took another bite and soon she had cleared the whole plate.

As if functioning on autopilot she went to the stove and began digging into the casserole dish full of mac 'n' cheese. She only became aware of what she was doing when she felt her jeans beginning to cut into her bloated belly but by that time she had devoured over half the dish.

She shook her head. "What the hell am I doing?"


Her mother was waiting for her at breakfast next morning.

"I'm sorry for what I said, honey," her mom said. "It's just that I've missed you so much and I've spent such a long time worrying about my little girl, wondering how you are and now I see you and... You just don't seem like a very happy person."

Amy fixed a smile on her face, tight and false. "I'm fine, mom. Honestly. You were right, I do need to get out of the house, I'm starting to feel a little stir crazy."

"Great! Maybe you can reconnect with some of your old friends from high school."

She was stunned by her mother's naivety. "Actually, I was just thinking of going for a run."

Her mom's smile faltered a little. "Well, OK. Do you think you could pick up my prescription while you're out?"