chapter 4

Well, two days of diet and exercise was enough for me. I had never had to diet before and I didn't know how really painful being hungry all the time was. When you added an hour or more of strenuous exercise per day.... Let's just say I decided it would be a LOT easier to be the semi-chubby girl I had become! So no diet. No exercise. I was going to put the whole weight thing out of my mind. After all, it didn't seem to bother Rick that I had gotten a slightly fuller figure, so why should I let it bother ME?

Yes, I had Rick. In fact, I sort of lost at least a part of myself in Rick. We went to all the restaurants HE liked. We watched the TV shows HE enjoyed. We played board games because HE said it helped him relax after a hard day at the office. We really didn't go outside much because Rick said the sun bothered his sensitive skin.

At this point we were still more girl friend/boy friend than anything else. We took a couple of tries at sex, but truth be told Rick wasn't the most aggressive lover in the whole world. And then the unexpected happened. I remember it as if it was yesterday. We were eating out at one of those old fashioned diners, serving plain food and lots of it. Rick was finishing up his fried chicken and I was sopping up the gravy from my meat loaf dinner. Out of the clear blue sky, Rick asks if I would like to move in with him.

I was floored. We had a nice semi-serious relationship going. Frankly, I was a little scared. Why mess up a good thing? But remember, I lost a part of myself in the nearness of Rick. While my rational mind was contemplating all the pluses and minuses, that part of my brain that was enthralled with Rick immediately said, YES!!

When I lived by myself I didn't give food that much thought. I'd eat something just so I didn't feel hungry, but if I didn't knock down a full meal each and every night, well, who cared? As it turns out, Rick cared. Very much.

Dinner wasn't just about eating for Rick. It was kind of a ritual. So over dinner we'd talk about our day, make plans for the weekend, or just talk for the sake of talking. The thing is, while all this talking was going on, I wasn't paying much attention to what and how much I was eating at these tete a tete dinners.

While the mind may not be paying attention, the body was certainly reacting. Rick liked to make BIG dinners. Steaks, roast, chops. WITH all the fixings, including dessert. And if I demurred, saying I was too full for that piece of home-made pecan pie, Rick looked so darned disappointed. And so I'd shovel it down even though it made me feel all glassy eyed and thoroughly bloated.

You can only do that so long before something game. In this case what gave was a pair of tight black silk pants I loved wearing to the restaurant. First of all, I struggled like hell just to get them up over my decidedly wider hips. That was bad enough. On the way out the door, I dropped my keys. As I bent over to pick them up, I heard a sickening ripping sound and knew at once that this would be the last time I'd be wearing THESE pants again.

I frantically search my closet for something, anything that would fit. I found a pair of slacks my sister Jen had tucked into one of my suitcases on a recent visit. They fit fine and I went out the door, relieved that I had SOMETHING to wear!!

That night, when I got back from work I marched straight into the bathroom and stepped on the scale. I let out a half peep, half gasp at what I saw. 162! I weighed One hundred and sixty-two pounds. I sat down on the sofa with a thud. One hundred and sixty-two pounds. I have gained 34 pounds since I started going out with Rick. My mind was racing, performing mathematical projections. If I kept up this pace, I'd weigh over three hundred pounds in just one year.

Talk about your sobering experiences. Fortunately, I had to go to work, so I didn't have a lot of time to think. All I could do is wonder just how big I was going to be in one year's time. Little did I know!!!