jrm:
Even though I am now over 300 lbs, I must admit until very recently I saw this as a temporary state. I had always thought that I would reach a point and say "ok fun's over" and diet and exercise down to what I believed a more normal weight.
Even though I am now over 300 lbs, I must admit until very recently I saw this as a temporary state. I had always thought that I would reach a point and say "ok fun's over" and diet and exercise down to what I believed a more normal weight.
Me too! I've always been on the curvy/chunky side and for most of my adult life I was a small BBW in the low 200-220 lbs range. Then a medication made me lose a bunch of weight, and I simply could not accept myself as a smaller person. Part of that was why I started to gain a little more than 2 years ago.
Flash forward to now and nearly 120lbs fatter. I'm solidly over 300lbs and my body and appetite have both undergone major changes. I'm only full if I'm stuffed, I order fast food for imaginary people (me) all the time, and the thought of getting even fatter still turns me on like nothing else, despite having blown past my original goal 40 lbs ago. My belly has grown disproportionately since then, resulting in a bulging spare tyre so big and jiggly that it wobbles to it's own separate rhythm when I walk. If it sounds like I'm getting a little poetic, it's because I'm in love.
With that, it's starting to dawn on me that maybe I'm not just popping up to 300 for a quick visit, and 300 may not be the fattest I get... I'm only planning on another 10 lbs, but I've been saying that every 10 lbs since 260! What's funny is that I had a very well developed and comfortable identity as a fat person, but that's not the same as being a very fat person (although it did mean I'd made peace with my body and society long ago). It's obviously not as dramatic a change as someone going from actually thin to fat would experience, but it' seen significant for me!
I will say that I feel more at ease with other fat people, but for me it's mostly about adjusting to the changes. I'm much slower now, especially if I've recently put on a few and my muscles aren't used to it yet! For some reason new weight makes my lower back ache like crazy if I have to walk any real distance without stopping for a break, so I'm getting used to planning them in. Same thing with my commute time- I now count the walk from the car to wherever. I'm making an effort to learn how to dress in a way that I feel looks cute and accommodates my belly comfortably, because now it's this big soft but unyielding thing that sort of demands to be dealt with in all sorts of ways. I travel with an extender, and if I get much bigger I'm going to have to get one for my car. I'm somewhere between disbelief and taking these milestones in stride.
The thought of fully giving in to life as a 300-something pounder is more exciting than it is worrying, so I guess I'm on my way! Acceptance certainly feels a lot more likely than a diet
8 years