Gaining

As a feedee, or at the veryleast a gainer who loves food and loves to eat, I can't deny that gaining weight turns me on. But for my whole life (even before I became aware of the fetish), I have felt shame about putting on weight.

I wish that I could just enjoy the fetish sometimes without shame, but shame seems to be the most important part of it. It's hard to reconcile this fact, because anyone who has recognized it in themselves (it can be hard to recognize) will tell you it's not exactly a pleasant emotion. To have it tied up so completely with my sexual identity is hard to come to terms with sometimes.

Thoughts? I would love to hear if others have experienced this.