forum  extreme obesity

do feeders ever feel guilty??2 years

I feel extremely guilty! And extremely glad that my bf/feedee wants to stop gaining when he gets to 300 lbs (a relatively slim BHM size) and that he wants to be fit and fat. I used to weigh 297 lbs, and I couldn't handle the health problems. Even though I have slimmed down to 180-something, the aches and pains are still so bad that I am planning a religious pilgrimage that involves a 70-mile trek across Germany. (Google annual pilgrimage Our Lady of Altotting; the cathedral is full of canes and crutches left behind by people who were miraculously healed!) I refuse to fatten a partner to more than 365 lbs; if Alex decides he wants to be immobile, we may end up as platonic friends who used to date, like Jerry and Elaine on "Seinfeld." I don't identify with sadistic feeders who like seeing their feedees struggle to move and breathe and develop health problems and total dependency on another person. I want to run 10 KS with Alex and smirk at all the people who wouldn't have thought that a guy who weighs 300 lbs could possibly be that fit. Alex WANTS to be fattened; I never tried to fatten my ex, who was not a feedee and hated being fat. (Although I definitely thought about it--a lot.) Being a Christian makes it even harder--gluttony is a sin, premarital sex is a sin, "Have you ever actually Sat down and read (the Bible)? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom!"--Rev. Lovejoy, "The Simpsons," LOL.

do feeders ever feel guilty??2 years

I can certainly imagine scenarios where I would.

E.g. say I coaxed her into gaining, and she ended up getting bigger than she liked and couldn't lose the weight. Even if she had made the choice to gain herself and had accepted the risk, I'd feel guilty.

do feeders ever feel guilty??2 years

Goldwing:
I think above all, above the possible guilt and the dom/sub potentials, what matters most in a feederism relationship is the exact same thing that matters in every relationship.

Communication.

My girlfriend wants to gain. She enjoys it, and I enjoy helping her. But we've talked about what life will be like as she gets larger, and we're prepared for those challenges because we've been open about it.

I don't think guilt is required in feederism, or even a risk. Guilt will only set in if there's a lack of communication, if both people don't express their actual feelings and needs.



Very well said.

I'm a very submissive ffa/feeder/feedee/gainer and I have pretty much worn all the hats over the years. When I'm in a feeder position, I remain extremely aware of my bf's health, even when he gets lost in indulging himself. Due to my own lust making me submissive, its really hard to reel in a dominate feedee. When I'm in a feedee/gainer position, I have learned to listen to my own body. Its not easy coming out of a lust filled haze but its totally necessary to be able to refuse all the goodies and what not in order to get things done. Either way, controlling desires is the key but its really, really hard because its all in your mind unlike other fetishes/kinks/lifestyles, like bondage or S&M where you can just change your clothes and put away your toys and slip back into "vanilla society". For us ,its like wearing bondage wear all the time. So you have to get over the guilt via communication.

Over the years I have learned to be more open, self aware, and embraced it so I can be more responsible about the various hats I may wear. Every relationship will have some sort of conflict and they usually they have multiple things that you are trying to balance out. Like with this kink/fetish/whatever you want to name it...you will be in conflict because you will run into feelings of guilt because of greediness, slob/sloth/laziness, selfishness, gluttony, and lust to name a few. So it doesn't matter if you wear the hat of the feeder, feedee, encourager, etc because we are all in it together.

With all that being said, I have to say, on a personal level..I don't like dealing with people who say they are just a foodie. Throughout my many hats, I can honestly say, I have never given a rip about the taste of food, only about what it can do for me and what it can do to others. To me, they are not self aware enough to even play with in this arena. They are basically saying I like food, (which screams food addict to me) but I'm not into this kink/fetish/what ever you want to call it, I don't understand it, I don't want to understand it, I don't like being fat, and I don't want a fat significant other. To me that is like a kick in the face and maybe that person should stick to sites that are not kinky in anyway and only deal with the taste of food and recipes. To me, a foodie is a feedee waiting to happen but not self aware enough to play with or a feeder that's not aware that they are fattening people up. Its like playing with a hulk or genius who doesn't know their own strength or doesn't understand the mindset of others and that can be dangerous for both people involved.

...Anywho, I just woke so I hope all that made sense...lol

do feeders ever feel guilty??1 year

Brimstone:
Guilt is such a funny thing- I have been on several sides of this metaphorical fence, and it's really neat to see a variety of answers from many users here as far as things that we all seem to feel concern over ( a partner's wellbeing, what our partners want, etc.); I find when I have an actual romantic attachment to someone, I have a hard time sitting by as they discuss how they might want to lose weight, or how they dislike their body, etc. - I am incredibly supportive, very caring as an individual outside of any relationship setting, and for me the dilemma becomes what I want to say, which is "No"/"You're not doing that", and what I need to say as a supportive friend who wants her partner to be happy. It's caused me a fair amount of distress in the past, but for me the gratification comes out of a sadistic paraphilia - so in essence, the exertion, physical pain, and negative consequences & daily struggling are the main components to sexual gratification for myself personally LOL.

And the nature obviously of a paraphilia is that there is either distress caused by the atypical sexual ideation due to social stigma, personal conflict, or the distress of others - to which I definitely fall into the diagnostic criteria lol. When I don't have the friendship association or, "relationship" quotient with someone I am taken with, or if they are genuinely masochistic and love all of the exact same aspects of their weight gain and subsequent suffering or difficulty as I do, I don't care at all LOL. It's a bit of a slippery slope, however - and I'm a psychosexual weirdo/total predator for the willingly defenceless lmao. But I guess I can turn it off, can't turn it off, live with it, and also do all of the above at once?

I'm rambling lol ! I'll shut up now.


THIS. I care about my partner's health because I romantically love him and want to spend my life with him (I don't want him to die an early death). He also cares about his heath and I respect that.
I feel though, if I began a relationship hypothetically with a feedee that truly wanted to gain to a much higher weight with higher health consequences and they didn't care, or if I had a sexual and non romantic relationship with a feedee, I would definitely enjoy the sadistic aspects of them struggling to catch their breath, workout, fit in clothes, etc.
I'll fantasize about my partner being 600 pounds but because I respect his boundaries and love him by my side, I'll settle for slightly chubby and use my imagination for the rest haha.
The struggle of being a ffa.

do feeders ever feel guilty??1 year

Brimstone:
Guilt is such a funny thing- I have been on several sides of this metaphorical fence, and it's really neat to see a variety of answers from many users here as far as things that we all seem to feel concern over ( a partner's wellbeing, what our partners want, etc.); I find when I have an actual romantic attachment to someone, I have a hard time sitting by as they discuss how they might want to lose weight, or how they dislike their body, etc. - I am incredibly supportive, very caring as an individual outside of any relationship setting, and for me the dilemma becomes what I want to say, which is "No"/"You're not doing that", and what I need to say as a supportive friend who wants her partner to be happy. It's caused me a fair amount of distress in the past, but for me the gratification comes out of a sadistic paraphilia - so in essence, the exertion, physical pain, and negative consequences & daily struggling are the main components to sexual gratification for myself personally LOL.

And the nature obviously of a paraphilia is that there is either distress caused by the atypical sexual ideation due to social stigma, personal conflict, or the distress of others - to which I definitely fall into the diagnostic criteria lol. When I don't have the friendship association or, "relationship" quotient with someone I am taken with, or if they are genuinely masochistic and love all of the exact same aspects of their weight gain and subsequent suffering or difficulty as I do, I don't care at all LOL. It's a bit of a slippery slope, however - and I'm a psychosexual weirdo/total predator for the willingly defenceless lmao. But I guess I can turn it off, can't turn it off, live with it, and also do all of the above at once?

I'm rambling lol ! I'll shut up now.

aho:
THIS. I care about my partner's health because I romantically love him and want to spend my life with him (I don't want him to die an early death). He also cares about his heath and I respect that.
I feel though, if I began a relationship hypothetically with a feedee that truly wanted to gain to a much higher weight with higher health consequences and they didn't care, or if I had a sexual and non romantic relationship with a feedee, I would definitely enjoy the sadistic aspects of them struggling to catch their breath, workout, fit in clothes, etc.
I'll fantasize about my partner being 600 pounds but because I respect his boundaries and love him by my side, I'll settle for slightly chubby and use my imagination for the rest haha.
The struggle of being a ffa.


I love Dan Savage's take on this:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2472796

Also, inspired by that woman, I wrote a story about the consequences of this thinking (not something everyone here will agree with):

"Natalie and Her Dilemma"
http://fantasyfeeder.com/stories/view?id=8018

These kind of moral/ethical issues keep life interesting.

do feeders ever feel guilty??1 year

Thank you for sharing that wonderful yet heart breaking as well story bmwm2001. It was seriously a very good read. I hope you are doing well friend!

do feeders ever feel guilty??11 months

No, at no time i was guilty of what i done to my boyfriend.
In only 9 years my Boyfriend turned from a little pudgy to completly immobility and dependet on food and his own fattness.
But in no single moment i thought about the fact that he is immobile for 1 1/2 years. Although he is sick of being an unmoveable *** and being addicted to food.

do feeders ever feel guilty??9 months

ahots:
I feel that in life I am either very sexually satisfied and living with guilt, or not sexually satisfied at all, but no guilt. I can't really win so my partner and I are trying to find an in between.

Petty9x:
I think there are ways to handle it, maybe every year a "loosing weight" session or sth like that. And: There are big, healthy and fit people out there. You can gain and stay fit with swimming, cycling, things like that. You can help his body with special tees to handle the sideeffects. And maybe here are people with "real" experinces about that.

exactly i would love phases of gaining and dping more fitness again and get back in shape and do thesexy fattening again
that would be ultimately hot
<< 5 page 5 of 5   loading