forum  extreme obesity

do feeders ever feel guilty??4 months

Brimstone:
Guilt is such a funny thing- I have been on several sides of this metaphorical fence, and it's really neat to see a variety of answers from many users here as far as things that we all seem to feel concern over ( a partner's wellbeing, what our partners want, etc.); I find when I have an actual romantic attachment to someone, I have a hard time sitting by as they discuss how they might want to lose weight, or how they dislike their body, etc. - I am incredibly supportive, very caring as an individual outside of any relationship setting, and for me the dilemma becomes what I want to say, which is "No"/"You're not doing that", and what I need to say as a supportive friend who wants her partner to be happy. It's caused me a fair amount of distress in the past, but for me the gratification comes out of a sadistic paraphilia - so in essence, the exertion, physical pain, and negative consequences & daily struggling are the main components to sexual gratification for myself personally LOL.

And the nature obviously of a paraphilia is that there is either distress caused by the atypical sexual ideation due to social stigma, personal conflict, or the distress of others - to which I definitely fall into the diagnostic criteria lol. When I don't have the friendship association or, "relationship" quotient with someone I am taken with, or if they are genuinely masochistic and love all of the exact same aspects of their weight gain and subsequent suffering or difficulty as I do, I don't care at all LOL. It's a bit of a slippery slope, however - and I'm a psychosexual weirdo/total predator for the willingly defenceless lmao. But I guess I can turn it off, can't turn it off, live with it, and also do all of the above at once?

I'm rambling lol ! I'll shut up now.


THIS. I care about my partner's health because I romantically love him and want to spend my life with him (I don't want him to die an early death). He also cares about his heath and I respect that.
I feel though, if I began a relationship hypothetically with a feedee that truly wanted to gain to a much higher weight with higher health consequences and they didn't care, or if I had a sexual and non romantic relationship with a feedee, I would definitely enjoy the sadistic aspects of them struggling to catch their breath, workout, fit in clothes, etc.
I'll fantasize about my partner being 600 pounds but because I respect his boundaries and love him by my side, I'll settle for slightly chubby and use my imagination for the rest haha.
The struggle of being a ffa.

do feeders ever feel guilty??4 months

Brimstone:
Guilt is such a funny thing- I have been on several sides of this metaphorical fence, and it's really neat to see a variety of answers from many users here as far as things that we all seem to feel concern over ( a partner's wellbeing, what our partners want, etc.); I find when I have an actual romantic attachment to someone, I have a hard time sitting by as they discuss how they might want to lose weight, or how they dislike their body, etc. - I am incredibly supportive, very caring as an individual outside of any relationship setting, and for me the dilemma becomes what I want to say, which is "No"/"You're not doing that", and what I need to say as a supportive friend who wants her partner to be happy. It's caused me a fair amount of distress in the past, but for me the gratification comes out of a sadistic paraphilia - so in essence, the exertion, physical pain, and negative consequences & daily struggling are the main components to sexual gratification for myself personally LOL.

And the nature obviously of a paraphilia is that there is either distress caused by the atypical sexual ideation due to social stigma, personal conflict, or the distress of others - to which I definitely fall into the diagnostic criteria lol. When I don't have the friendship association or, "relationship" quotient with someone I am taken with, or if they are genuinely masochistic and love all of the exact same aspects of their weight gain and subsequent suffering or difficulty as I do, I don't care at all LOL. It's a bit of a slippery slope, however - and I'm a psychosexual weirdo/total predator for the willingly defenceless lmao. But I guess I can turn it off, can't turn it off, live with it, and also do all of the above at once?

I'm rambling lol ! I'll shut up now.

aho:
THIS. I care about my partner's health because I romantically love him and want to spend my life with him (I don't want him to die an early death). He also cares about his heath and I respect that.
I feel though, if I began a relationship hypothetically with a feedee that truly wanted to gain to a much higher weight with higher health consequences and they didn't care, or if I had a sexual and non romantic relationship with a feedee, I would definitely enjoy the sadistic aspects of them struggling to catch their breath, workout, fit in clothes, etc.
I'll fantasize about my partner being 600 pounds but because I respect his boundaries and love him by my side, I'll settle for slightly chubby and use my imagination for the rest haha.
The struggle of being a ffa.


I love Dan Savage's take on this:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2472796

Also, inspired by that woman, I wrote a story about the consequences of this thinking (not something everyone here will agree with):

"Natalie and Her Dilemma"
http://fantasyfeeder.com/stories/view?id=8018

These kind of moral/ethical issues keep life interesting.

do feeders ever feel guilty??4 months

This is my first real post and I'm afraid is quite a long one so a big thankyou to those who make the time to hear my voice.

I have had 2 significant relationships in my life and each one presented different outlooks on the subject of guilt. One bad, one good.

I was with a woman for 7 years and I was attracted to her attraction to food. She was a bigger girl and she had some brief relationships in the past but I was the first real FA that she had ever met - so being able to enjoy her food without having to worry about consequence to her figure freed her. For nearly 4 years she enjoyed herself and enjoyed my growing attraction to her but it was cut short at a reunion with old school mates. Her old 'friends' immediately began berating her about her weightgain and life changed over night. She wanted to loose weight and my answer was not a difficult one - 'I'll help and support you', despite it not being what I wished, but her happiness is more important so support her I did. But there was a problem. She loved food. Her weight loss was difficult, frustrating, and upsetting to her. She hated the healthy food so would give in and feel guilty about eating what she really liked.
I tried to present advice on healthy lifestyle and stick to using weightwatchers AND I tried convincing her that the opinions of people who were NOT her real friends didn't matter, certainly not more than her happiness and being herself. No attempts at support for over a whole year were successful so she had given up her happiness and i had given up my happiness to support her in this diet.
Her anger turned to me. 'ALL YOUR FAULT!' anger became physical violence towards me which further drove in the message that it was 'all my fault'. She was unhappy because of me. She convinced me that I was never supportive and I was trying to trick her into getting fatter, and i am a filthy pervert, I should stop being an FA and just like thin girls like normal people. Any time I tried to defend myself I would be met with threats and rage so I stopped defending it and started believing it. She began having affairs and I let her because it was 'my fault because I'm an FA'.

In this case, the human capacity to feel guilt was utterly manipulated. Reinforced by her being someone I loved and trusted in our earlier relationship. She used my desperation for her to be happy as a weapon against me. Guilt defaced my personality and individuality.

I am still far from over that encounter but I am experiencing being a relationship where that old guilt that has been programed into me by my ex is now soothed and calmed by someone caring, open, and loving.

My girlfriend is a foodie and always has been, including in her school years which was reflected in her weight. Bullying and low confidence spurred her on to loose that weight but in giving up being a foodie found herself wanting. She was on antidepressants and had several boyfriends - slim, athletic, but ultimately controlling. She is beautiful and was back then too in addition to being slim. She would be worn on an arm as a statement like a piece of jewellery which she liked the idea of, but still didn't satisfy the will to eat. At the first sign of gaining any weight, her previous partners would insult her and command her to do something about it, and she wouldn't be allowed out until she makes him look good again. She was in the midst of seeking comfort from an old friend after one of these encounters whilst at the same time, I was seeking comfort too shortly after leaving the previously mentioned ex.
Our stories attracted eachother. A man who was trying to get back his sexual identity and accept his attraction, and a woman who desperately wanted to be found beautiful and loved for being herself - a foodie.
More than 3 years have passed. She is the biggest she has ever been, the least healthy she has ever been, the most over-indulgent and lazy she has ever been, and the happiest and most loved she has ever been.
I still feel that same guilt haunting me - turning to doubt and anxiety, but she will smile, put my hand on her belly and tell me it's OK, and she means it.

One night we ordered pizza with all the sides and I began to worry what she will think if someone points out how fat she's getting, try to make her feel bad and the voices start up again 'its all your fault, it's all your fault'. But I'm confident enough to tell her whats troubling me and she tells me 'i think that I would believe they are finally talking about the real me, not the me everyone else has told me I need to be'. Not those exact words, but I remember my guilt fleeing in terror before honesty and happiness.

This is the sum of my experience so far. If she feels good then so should I. This year she is going to enjoy all of the good in her food and I am going to enjoy her enjoying it, both in her literal happiness and in my own personal happiness granted by her growing body.

Im sorry again this has been so lon

do feeders ever feel guilty??4 months

Thank you for sharing that wonderful yet heart breaking as well story bmwm2001. It was seriously a very good read. I hope you are doing well friend!

do feeders ever feel guilty??3 months

No, at no time i was guilty of what i done to my boyfriend.
In only 9 years my Boyfriend turned from a little pudgy to completly immobility and dependet on food and his own fattness.
But in no single moment i thought about the fact that he is immobile for 1 1/2 years. Although he is sick of being an unmoveable *** and being addicted to food.

do feeders ever feel guilty??3 weeks

ahots:
I feel that in life I am either very sexually satisfied and living with guilt, or not sexually satisfied at all, but no guilt. I can't really win so my partner and I are trying to find an in between.

Petty9x:
I think there are ways to handle it, maybe every year a "loosing weight" session or sth like that. And: There are big, healthy and fit people out there. You can gain and stay fit with swimming, cycling, things like that. You can help his body with special tees to handle the sideeffects. And maybe here are people with "real" experinces about that.

exactly i would love phases of gaining and dping more fitness again and get back in shape and do thesexy fattening again
that would be ultimately hot
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