General

I feel like i need to drop this fetish, but i can't.

Pip_Squeak: While I agree that there are probably a lot of girls out there like you describe, from what I've seen, they're very far and few between. It seems like 80% of the community is men and the remaining 20% are women that are comfortable enough to admit they like this kind of thing.

My question now becomes, "Is it really worth ending a relationship I've spent a long time investing in just for the slim chance I might meet someone who shares the same sexual kink?"

I feel like I could be wrong about everything though.


Your concerns are well-founded. The male-to-female and feeder-to-feedee ratio on this site and others like it is ridiculously disproportionate. Do you really want to have dozens of others in direct competition with you over each and every prospect?

Not to mention, members are spread out all over the world, so the slim chance (no pun intended) that you will find someone who lives within a reasonable distance of you *and* who wants a romantic relationship, makes abandoning a current relationship an iffy proposition at best.

I don't have any easy answers as far as the likely impact on your sex life. That is also a real concern. But I think this is a "the grass is always greener on the other side" situation. I would say, first try your damndest to make it work somehow in the context of your current relationship.

You may find a brief fling here or there to accommodate this fetish, but the odds of finding someone who is into all this and compatible with you in other ways, are probably not in your favor. It gives me no pleasure to be so brutally honest about this, but I speak from experience. And I know there are quite a few others here who share this frustration. It sucks, but that is the truth.
6 years

I feel like i need to drop this fetish, but i can't.

Pip_Squeak:
I appreciate the honesty no matter how much to hurts to hear. My biggest concern really is just the sexual aspects of things. I don't want to throw this relationship away for a really thin chance at finding the ideal. At the same time, I'm at a loss for how to rectify this problem.


You mentioned that you've been with your partner for nearly four years now, which is a fairly long-term relationship. You've made it this far and apparently it wasn't a dealbreaker, so what has changed? You've told her about your fetish and she didn't run, and that's a very good thing.

I guess the question now is, has it become an insurmountable problem for both/either of you? So there may not be fireworks all the time in the sexual sense...is that something you both can live with? Even if she would never actually gain weight for you, is she willing to compromise and engage in fantasizing about it with you? It may never be the same as fulfilling your fetish for real, but something is better than nothing, right?

It sounds like otherwise you have a solid relationship. But all relationships have stumbling blocks, and it sounds like this fetish just happens to be yours.

My advice would be to hang on to a good thing. It's not worth risking your happiness in other aspects of your life on the off-chance that you may find fulfillment in a one single aspect of it.

Even if you were lucky enough to find someone else who shares the fetish, that relationship also would have its own inevitable share of problems. Why let the perfect be the enemy of the good?
6 years

I feel like i need to drop this fetish, but i can't.

Allfatthings:
However, there are many many fat girls, and ok with their weight. And many may be self conscious now, but in my experience, when they are with a partner who appreciates them, learn to love their bodies.

[...]

If you think this would be enough for you,
I would seriously consider finding another fatter partner more compatible with what you like, even if they are not a full on feedee


While I agree that this opens up the playing field a bit, in my own experience, many fat women react adversely to having their fatness sexualized. It's counterintuitive but more common than you might think.

I once opened up to a former girlfriend about my fetish. She never really accepted it, and then started actively trying to lose weight and insisted she was doing it for me. Now, it would have been understandable if she had said she was doing it for *herself*, but it didn't make sense that she knew of my preferences and still thought I would be more attracted to her if she lost weight.

Though not as rare as true feedees, my hunch is that fat women who are truly OK with being fat are still relatively rare.
6 years

I feel like i need to drop this fetish, but i can't.

It seems like 80% of the community is men and the remaining 20% are women that are comfortable enough to admit they like this kind of thing.


This has been my observation too, and I think it has to do with the different ways modern society treats men and women. Men are told that their worth depends on their bank account. Looks aren't considered as important, so you don't get hounded as much about your weight.

Women are told that their worth depends on their looks. From the time we are little girls, we are constantly fed a narrative of "skinny is pretty, fat is ugly". Even when we want to make a living with our brains or our hands, conventionally pretty women are often hired sooner and treated better by superiors. In many cases this is an unconscious bias rather than deliberate action.

It takes a lot of introspection, finding the fat acceptance community, and a willingness to take risks in order for a woman to embrace her fat. I had an advantage in that I had years of therapy for depression, and one of the things my therapist worked on me with was learning to love myself just the way I am.

Most women never get that. It's a hard, hard thing to let go of the fantasy that if I can be thin, I can be happy. That the ONLY way to be happy is to be thin. And the worst part about that fantasy is that it sounds plausible but it's made of pure lies. Changing your body's size and shape won't necessarily make you happier. You have to examine yourself, your mind and emotions, to figure out what will really make you happy. If it's something taboo, like a love for delicious food and soft fat on yourself or your partner, embracing it will be a big risk.

So yeah. That's my amateur psychologist opinion of why you find so many more men than women in the FA and feedism communities.
6 years

I feel like i need to drop this fetish, but i can't.

Allfatthings:
Do you need a partner to be a full on feedee, or would a fat girl who doesnt mind being fat and is willing to indulge you from time to time be enough?

If the former, then I must agree with the others here that finding someone like that is fairly unlikely.

However, there are many many fat girls, and ok with their weight. And many may be self conscious now, but in my experience, when they are with a partner who appreciates them, learn to love their bodies.
My wife doesn't share my sexuality around fat, but is happy to be appreciated for all her curves and eat what she wants. And she will ler me feed her, make comments about growing out of clothes etc... Because she knows I like it. Indeed, knowing I like her fat has led to her indulging more and gained quite a bit of weight since we met.
Its not the same as a full on feedee relationship, but more than enough for me.
If you think this would be enough for you,
I would seriously consider finding another fatter partner more compatible with what you like, even if they are not a full on feedee



I agree with many things that have been on this thread but up until Allfatthings wrote this....that was kind of what I was thinking while reading through the other posts.

I mean if my wife was a Feedee....yes that would kind of be the perfect situation I guess.....but things don't really work out that perfectly. Have there been times where I wished it was like that.......YES. But I have become more creative and may get just as turned on or aroused by watching my wife over eating continually and not because she is trying to but because she is turning into a greedy little pig and she can't control her appetite....which is very sexy to me.... then if she was a feedee and telling me to feed her and having it more like a script and trying to gain for me. Granted I do need her to be gaining weight or at least eating a lot and not dieting.....which she did diet many years ago.....she would gain 10-15 Lbs. and it would excite me a bit more than usual and she would get frustrated and then diet. It wasn't about me....it was about society making her feel bad and guilty....even though I felt like she should be more relaxed and not care so much knowing that I loved her gaining anyways. But time changes things and it did for us in many ways.....in fact it has me scratching my head sometimes to thinking she has this fetish to a degree with me being the Feedee.....and only when I started putting on a Gut is when this was discovered. What I have found out in our relationship is I buy at the store her favorite food and snacks and keep them around and she will eat them and Thank me but at times she won't buy them for herself....but if I do it she will feel in some weird way it is ok....kind of like.... put the guilt on me that I made her gain weight and get Fat.....even though she know's I want her Fat....It is very strange I know. The other thing as I mentioned earlier while I accidentally gaining 20 lbs. and a bigger gut by snacking and eating sweets along with her every night.....I decided to Intentionally gain....primarily to have her tease me or scold me for putting on a big gut. I was stuffing like crazy for many weeks and then over a month and she never said anything even though my Gut got huge. This when I started thinking she had Feedee desires or tendencies.....I would come home after stuffing myself all day looking so bloated just to try and get a reaction from her....and she started making us more and more Fattening dinners.....and she would grab my plate & fill it with with seconds even before I was done with my first helping...and even do thirds sometimes just to finish everything up so we didn't have leftovers she said. She was eating everything along with me and both of us pigging out with ice cream afterwards on the couch watching TV....it was like a Mutual Gaining relationship without any teasing or discussion of us getting Fatter together.....it was GREAT. In the last 2 years she has steadily gained primarily from her new desk job, not enough time to exercise and her eating. But the best thing is as I said as time goes on things change....she doesn't even discuss diet or say negative Fat things about herself.

Ultimately things can work,,,,,but there is always the grass is Greener situation. Another bad thing is as time has gone on so has my desire for more and more weight on my wife or women in general. So I think that could be kind of mute because some Feedee's never get as heavy as the feeder may want......but my wife is heavier now than what I use to think was really Fat ....when I was in High school let's say......but I dream of her getting to higher weights like 300 or even 350 Lbs. but I don't think that is reality.

Hopefully this thread answers a lot of your questions.
6 years