Shakerfor:
Always been super skinny and gone on and off with trying to gain weight. After a couple of weeks with good excuse to stuff my face I finally got some pounds on, and have a tiny tummy. now at the very least it sticks out past the rest of my torso only a little bit. But here's the thing. Finally seeing this legitimate progress makes wanting more the only thing I think about right now. My mind is constantly wandering away to think about how I should eat something, inspect whatevers grown, think about what to eat later, have I eaten enough calories. Sounds like a dream but I'm not keeping up with myself in the rest of life. I want to keep gaining but I feel like I'm side stepping responsibility.
Always been super skinny and gone on and off with trying to gain weight. After a couple of weeks with good excuse to stuff my face I finally got some pounds on, and have a tiny tummy. now at the very least it sticks out past the rest of my torso only a little bit. But here's the thing. Finally seeing this legitimate progress makes wanting more the only thing I think about right now. My mind is constantly wandering away to think about how I should eat something, inspect whatevers grown, think about what to eat later, have I eaten enough calories. Sounds like a dream but I'm not keeping up with myself in the rest of life. I want to keep gaining but I feel like I'm side stepping responsibility.
Ex-gainer here. I used to be in the same boat as you.
I started my journey at 115 lbs and was 5'7". I was on the high end of being underweight, and I hated it. I kept getting sick, nothing really fit me right, and I was super boney.
I also had a very high metabolism. No matter what (or how much) I ate, nothing ever stuck. And I was pretty much always eating.
I remember when I finally gained 10 lbs. Seeing the numbers go up was like a drug, and I was addicted. I'd hop on the scale upwards of 5 times a day. Everything I did was to see the numbers go up. I'd get upset if I lost even an ounce.
I was going through a lot at this time. Gaining was the only thing I had any kind of control over. So I obsessed over it. I'd eat and drink whatever I could to change my body to my liking, no matter how gross it was.
I tried to drink cooking oil a couple of times, but it was nasty as all get out, and I couldn't manage more a swallow or two. 0/10, do not recommend.
At some point , I realized I wasn't happy. I still wanted to gain, but the way I went about it made me miserable. I'd see all these other gainers and feedees enjoying life and was so jealous of them.
I had to realize that while gaining was something that I wanted, it wasn't going to fix me. I was using it as a coping mechanism. Heck, I think that I was well on my way to an eating disorder. I had to take a step back and deal with my issues in a healthy way.
It took some doing, but over time, I fell in love with gaining again - even more than I did the first time. I stopped worrying about the numbers. I ate what I enjoyed, and not what would make me fat. I even realized I didn't want to be fat. I just wanted to be bigger. So I got buff.
I stopped gaining a few years ago. My weight fluctuates between 165 and 168. I'm happy with myself now. I love what I see in the mirror, and I am grateful that I decided to gain weight in the first place. Not just because I got bigger, but because it challenged me to reevaluate who I am as a person and to be my best self.
I know it can be scare and hard to do. But I know you are strong enough to do it. If you were strong enough to start this journey, then I have every confidence that you're strong enough to do this too
1 year