ljrockarts:
To the original poster as well as any and all others here, I'd like to offer a few things that I've learned in my nearly half-century on this planet now. Maybe you will find them helpful:
1. Your feelings are yours and yours alone, including your feelings of attraction and arousal. Whatever gets you excited and makes you feel good, thats's yours to keep and no-one can take that away from you, not your family, your friends or even your partner. Whatever feelings you have about your body or your sexuality are there for some reason, so own them and embrace them. You'll be much happier when you do.
2. Your body is yours and yours alone too. You can do what you want with it. There will always be someone out there to judge or criticize us by what we look like: too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, too pretty.... the hell with all of it. Just be yourself and be happy and confident in who you are, regardless of your size or weight, that's always more than good enough.
3. Fat is natural and a part of life. We eat, we gain weight, sometimes we lose weight. We go up, we go down. Its really just as silly a thing, if you think about it, to obsess over how many pounds you want to gain as it is for someone obsessing over dieting and such to fret over losing pounds and inches. Again, just be yourself and let it happen naturally. Most likely if you are not actively pushing yourself to lose weight, then weight will pile on over time. Be patient and be kind to yourself always.
4. Fantasies are just that: fantasies. Sometimes we can act out in real life some of our fantasies, but it doesn't make them any less potent or meaningful if we just keep them to ourselves. If we are lucky we will find someone who loves us and accepts us enough that we feel comfortable and safe sharing our deepest and most intimate thoughts and desires. Even luckier still we would be if we find a partner who shares similar fantasies to our own. But we can't control what our partners think and feel any more than they can control us. All we can do is be honest with ourselves, and in turn be honest with the people we love about who we really are.
There's a lot more I could say, but I will end for now just saying that the worst thing you can do to yourself in life is try to deny yourself who you really are. Whatever passions or desires you have inside of you, you can't hide them under a bushel or shroud them in darkness. You have to be true to yourself, as trying to suppress your true feelings will only make them come out in unhealthy ways. We are all so fortunate that we have places like this place here where we can come together with like-minded people who understand us, and we can share openly about whatever we are going through. Keep at it, don't give up - the answers you seek will reveal themselves in time.
👆
