Again yesterday my pain management doctor, treating me for pain from my lumbar fusion, pointed to my belly and said "that's not helping". He said that unless I do my part, meaning diet and exercise, he's not sure what more he can do to help, after this next procedure (RFA, zapping the nerves to lessen the pain signals). I guess I got my marching orders... literally... he wants me to start walking again and get back to weight training. I'm all for getting back into shape but little does he know that not only do I not want to lose weight, I want to get fatter.

I don't know either why getting fat is so addictive, especially when I tried so hard to not get fat and to lose weight. Now the fatter I get the fatter I want to get. I used to get upset at how I looked being fat, but now I really like what I see and want more.

I might try something like it. I need to get my calories up around 4,000 or so to kick my gaining into overdrive. Maybe whole milk instead of so much cream. Cream can be hard to tolerate. I like the idea of a couple thousand calories more per day or week.

I gain mostly visceral fat, giving me a beachball belly. I'd like to gain more sub-q fat, so maybe I'll look into the fructose angle.

Forty lbs in 3 months should be possible. That's about 3 lbs a week. Pasta, pizza, potatoes, rice, bread, heavy cream, ice cream, whole milk, butter on everything. Lots of food of any kind... whatever you like to eat. You can get milk that is lactose-free. I use that.

There was a time almost 25 years ago when I dieted and exercised myself down to 137 lbs from about 160, and down to a 31-32" waist. I'm 5' 5".

I started lifting weights and got beefier. I stopped serious lifting a few years ago due to some (non-gym) injuries, and getting tired of watching my diet and pushing.

So now I'm at 223, hoping to get to about 250, 265, or even 280 and a 44-46" waist. The idea of getting really fat and taking myself to where I've never been before is exciting.

My opinion is what you eat has no bearing on how easily you gain or lose. Overeating is overeating. I am not a junk food junkie, and I can get fat with the best of 'em. I have always gotten fat on "real" food.

Fantasy of being a lot fatter than I am is currently a big turn on. I guess maybe because I'm not there yet. I imagine myself wearing a nice outfit of a tight polo shirt and khakis or buttondown shirt, and my belly rippling as I walk, spilling over my belt.

It's definitely reinforcing my desire to gain more.

I always had a self-image problem and fatphobia. Yet I always found other fat guys hot. I guess I was a FA without knowing it.

When I unintentionally gained weight due to slacking off exercise and letting my diet go, relatives would look at me and say "hey, what happened?", or "uh, you got tubby", or my brother calling me lard-butt, or some such insult.

It used to bother me, but over time I've just gotten comfortable with getting fat. I see too many goodlooking fat guys to think there's anything wrong with it. But I've never made it known that I am intentionally gaining. How and why I'm getting fat is my own affair. In response to those comments I'll just shrug and say "yeah well, y'know... " and change the subject or walk away. I don't owe anyone an explanation.