I agree that 'size acceptance' and 'fat acceptance' are weak phrases, and they suggest tolerance rather celebration, as Babybelly points out. I don't use them. I prefer 'fat activism', 'size liberation', and other similarly active and activist ideas.

@grim: I agree that there are feeders who are as coercive and as exploitative as any diet monger. My problem with the idea that you can't be thoughtful and positive about your body and still want to change it is that we don't think the same about any other practice. For example, if someone wants more piercings or tattoos, we don't think they're insecure. Of course some people gain from a place of insecurity. But can't it be possible to gain from a place of security, joy, celebration? I think it can.

There was an episode of Trini and Susannah What Not to Wear that had a big guy, and they did some sharp stuff with him. I'd love to find it, actually.

I think it depends a lot on the style you're going for, but one really great look is a tee and jeans/trousers of the same colour, with a shirt/sweater/jacket open over it in a brighter, contrasting colour or print.

If you do a google image search for 'large men fashion' you get some good stuff.

Can you maybe try a low-key exercise program rather than weight loss? Most of the things that are associated with weight are even more closely linked to exercise.

@canadian and joswitch: if you would take a deep breath and read each other's posts, you are not disagreeing.

As for how many women are sensitive about our size? I think that's up for grabs. I don't think it's as widespread as chubbyhoney thinks, nor do I think it's as widespread as it once was. I still think it's a majority, and I think--as someone, maybe joswitch?, pointed out--it can be a surface self-acceptance with sensitivity underneath.

But if you put everything that's been said together:

1. you don't compliment anyone, woman or man, on her/his size without knowing them well and knowing in advance how they'll take it.

2. it is perfectly reasonable, if a natural opportunity arises, for an FA to say that s/he likes a partner with a bit of meat to him/her. And there are ways to say that that don't include words someone might find insulting. 'I don't find sticks attractive,' or 'I think too many people are too thin'. It doesn't have to be creepy to express a preference, if you're careful.

* I would never ever ask someone if they are pregnant.

* I occasionally wonder about people, but I know enough people with big round bellies--esp postmenopause--that I don't dwell on the subject.

* I don't think you can necessarily tell if something is maternity or not, unless you're really looking. If you're looking that closely, then you've got some kind of agenda that I don't really care about.

I know it's easy to say, but you really shouldn't worry. And to be honest, if you're going out in miniskirts, you're already braver in your fashion choices than I am, so I'm not sure I can offer anything!

I'm really confused. Did you post the same request in two different forums?

Yeah. In a sane world, chubbyhoney would be right, and we'd all agree that it's simply too difficult to make the case that people's illnesses are their own fault. Even in the case of smoking, where the connection between one's action and one's illness is clearly demonstrated, it's nonetheless clear that some people smoke and have no ill effects at all. So we are at least talking about something that has more than one cause, as I think most things do.

But we live in a time/culture/society in which obesity (the illness of fat) is clearly thought (despite evidence) to be the single cause of many illnesses. I don't think people are terribly logical, and I don't think logic prevails in policy decision-making. Which is why I don't think it's as out of the question as chubbyhoney does.

I think there's a change happening in our communities, a generational shift. While there have always been happy, proud fat people, women my age were taught--mainly by each other--that we had to be careful because it wouldn't be easy for us to 'hold on to' our men. There was a very clear 'beggars can't be choosers' mentality about fat women; I remember my cousin, who was also fat and some years older, explaining it to me.

For a generation of people who've grown up with the internet, with knowing that there are FAs, with maybe even seeing fat activist blogs and so on, such handed down 'wisdom' is less likely to stick. Audrey's anger is a perfect example, and it's right and good. I'm very grateful that young fat women can grow up knowing how beautiful and desirable they are.