Hate to double post, but just to put it bluntly. I don't pop into the chat often anymore because this problem didn't get better, it got so much worse it's totally broken now. But when I do, I always see people commenting on the reset. Users are just taking it and joking "hamster fell off the wheel again".
This critical failure of the chat began happening around the same time as some other changes, such as adding the chat button to the right side of the screen on the whole website.
So, it doesn't appear to be a random event, and should be something that you can at least get back to partial failure (instead of total failure we have now) by rolling back/undoing some changes.
The last time I tried to talk to someone there, I refreshed the chat and pasted my message every reply so it would not have time to reset during the 10 seconds I spent typing it, which would make me inadvertently send to the whole room (a "leak"

. We still had leaks and I made a kik account just to keep talking to this person, lol. She said this chat was "too chaotic" and wanted away from it as soon as possible. This isn't a conductive way to meet people, and most will just leave in frustration first.
Edit: Thinking about it, and in the interest of being productive. A prior change stopped users from being purged from the online list when they leave. They just stay there. It's plausible that the platform is resetting more often because it can't handle the ballooning list of users. Then, when it resets, people often experience it as a "chat leak" because you don't necessarily know it reset and the system will send your message in the main room even though it may appear you are still in the private chat on your screen, which hasn't updated.
The issue of users not being purged from the system happened at the same time as updates that included the green/amber online dot. This feature is not worth breaking the whole thing over. I'm just one guy observing this but I would strongly urge you to revert back to the state it was before.
But my fear is that you are just editing the server live, without any backups or even notepad files to swap out lol