From what I can see, all of the second to top level pages are broken. For example, I can get to the forum by going to the home page, clicking on someone's profile, clicking on "posts", going to a post, and then clicking "topics" at the top, but the base "forum" link will just give a blank page.

May there be cake!

That is very sweet and touching. I hope that you manage to find acceptance and banish all traces of shame for what should be a joyful, happy thing.

The most effective way - ultimately - of avoiding anything more than having your time wasted by scammers is never to send people money.

Ahh, it is rather more of a spectrum than poles, I think. I am some way between the two poles indicated there. On the one hand, I definitely like more than just someone who is curvy - the fact of intense overindulgence and gaining weight can be quite electric. On the other, I am definitely not into immobility or extreme weight gain, as I put in the earlier post. I think that somebody would really have to be into it herself to want to put on weight on purpose, or test her limits of overindulgence in an erotic context.

And, Chuborange: you have done well, I think! I can only suspect that you would have difficulty imagining being with anyone not into this after having found what must be a very special connexion for both of you. You make a good point about roulette with my time - and my time is very, very precious to me, which is why vanilla dating is such an unappealing prospect.

Also, as I wrote before, the idea of trying to introduce someone who does not have an independent interest in this to something that she probably would find extremely uncomfortable is just too awful ever to contemplate. That's not a kind thing to do to a partner.

To answer Munchies' question about what I mean by "vanilla dating" - I mean trying to find people for dating who aren't into this, whether through online dating apps or in person.

I am not sure exactly what Munchies meant by a relationship that does not "centre feedism" - any healthy relationship involves far more than just sexual aspects, obviously: one would have life goals, values, education, intellect, a sense of humour and other things in common, one would be able to communicate well; both partners would work together and be prepared to compromise for and be kind to the other, and both would enjoy shared activities as well as a healthy level of time alone. I certainly wouldn't want a relationship that is *only* about feedism - even in a relatively casual or short-term relationship, one would want to like the person and have things in common. One would want to find the person enjoyable company and be able to have good, engaging conversation about non-sexual topics.

But sexual attraction is a very important part of a relationship - and it's difficult for me really to take an interest in somebody knowing that she does not derive pleasure from the the things that I enjoy; and the idea of trying to find somebody who is not into this and trying to get her to do these things just for me when she does not enjoy them herself is just awful, partly because that's just an unkind thing to do, and partly because the eroticism is precisely in the shared pleasure - in the fact that the other person is genuinely deriving an erotic thrill from the same things as I am enjoying. The ultimate turn-off is somebody just going through the motions without actually enjoying it herself - and the thought of trying to encourage somebody to do something for my sexual pleasure that makes her genuinely uncomfortable is quite unbearable.

I understand that many people trying to meet people in this community find that lots of the people whom they encounter eventually confess that they are married. Obviously, non-consensual cheating on a spouse is not a nice thing to do - but the fact that there are so many married people here, looking for feedist encounters gives a good indication as to just how thoroughly unsatisfied many people with feedist tendencies are in relationships with people who do not share this preference - and those who are actually willing to cheat on a spouse and able to find somebody interested in them must be a small fraction of the total, so the number of people in sexually unsatisfactory relationships as a result of being with somebody who does not share preferences must be truly enormous. One can only imagine how trapped, frustrated and conflicted that those people must feel.

Perhaps it makes a difference quite what flavour of these preferences that one has. I am not, for example, interested in extreme weight gain or immobility (I do not mean to criticise those who do - it's just not my cup of tea). I'm more interested in moderate weight gain that is compatible with continuing to lead a full, active and independent life. But I'd really feel as though I'm missing out with someone who doesn't take some erotic joy in overindulgence and putting on weight (or, in due course, having put on weight - one cannot keep gaining forever) as a result. Having spoken to and been with people in that category, it's very hard to find a spark of joy in people who don't find pleasure in that, even if they are lovely in every other way.

There is much to be said for the in between. To be fair, if all that you want is someone who is of average build, that's not hard at all. The hard thing to find is people who are actually into feedism.

Who else finds that it's hard to be motivated with vanilla dating after speaking to or even meeting people here?

We continued to talk and arranged the next date. But then she suddenly ceased all contact (she had been accustomed to text me fairly regularly throughout the day), and would not reply even when I asked her to confirm the date. So, I cancelled the booking.

About a year later, she texted me again, apologising for what happened before, saying that she "panicked" (without further explanation). I realised that I could not really trust her for any serious relationship, but I might still get some mutual erotic enjoyment from the liaison, so we met up for another date, although this was not as fun as the last one that we had been on. Unfortunaetly, at that time, I was temporarily living with my parents - I had bought a house and was having it refurbished before I moved in. After the date, she had said to contact her again when I had moved into my house. I did this - but she replied in a vague way making clear that she had lost interest. I later worked out from her Facebook posts that she had probably met someone else in the interim - someone who was later to become her husband - and although she had fantasised about gaining quite a lot of weight, she never in fact did so.

Over the course of a week or so, while she was on holiday with her friends, we talked at considerable length and exchanged some extremely erotic fantasies. I will spare the detail, but I will note that, of all the people that I have ever, that is, in over 20 years, talked to in this community, these were some of the most intense and eroic fantasies that I have ever known. She had ideas that I had not even realised were erotic to me until she suggested them. I would often describe a fantasy scenario on the proposed 3 month adventure, and she would finish the story in the same vein and with much aplomb. I came to realise that some of the submission/domination fantasies that she enjoyed could be more erotic than I had imagined, although I am still not up for actually controlling somebody's real life.

On the external app (Element) that we used for talking, we both had profile pictures showing our full faces, and it was clear that she was extremely pretty. She sent some photographs of her wearing various outfits during our conversations, and these pictures, higher quality than her profile picture, showed her to be really very attractive indeed.

I had stated once or twice that there's always a risk in disappointment from meeting somebody in real life to whom one had been conversing online, and urged caution, suggesting that we might perhaps try a video call. She had said that she could not do it on holiday without alerting her friends (none of them had the slightest clue that she was into any of this - it is the same with my friends), but said that she would set up a video call after getting back from holiday.

Over the course of a week, we had regular long, intense conversations, about fantasies, but also about other things - holiday destinations, taste in clothing, political views; but we had always messaged each other when it suited us and neither had ever demanded an instant response or become needy when one was not forthcoming, although we had always let the other know if, when in a long and immediate convesation, the other was about to leave to do something else. She was always upbeat.

She had finished her holiday last Sunday, and had had a five hour drive back. We had talked at length on what was for her the Sunday morning before she said that she had to go, and she encouraged me to send her messges while she was driving home for her to read on the way back. She did not in fact respond again on the Sunday. On what was for her the Monday morning, she had sent an e-mail saying that she would be very busy to-day with an e-mail backlog, but we exchanged a brief conversation (I was also busy on Monday).

Just before I left work on Monday, I replied to one of her messages about one of the various fantasies (she wanted me to pick wigs for her to wear, so I had found some), and then added another message asking her to let me know when would be a good time to set up a video chat as it would be a joy to hear her voice rather than just use text. I then sent her a couple of pictures of London looking lovely in the sunshine, as she had earlier encouraged me to send pictures of things.

I had a message from her shortly after I got home,

"What a beautiful day and a lovely hairstyle" (the latter referring to the conversation about the wigs). 18 minutes later, I replied - but she never read that message, nor a further message that I sent her that evening on a different topic. I then discovered that she had deleted her profile here - a profile that she had had for 3 years. She must have deleted Element, too.

***

The older example was this. This is a useful example because there was some contact *after* the initial ghosting that might give some, albeit limited, insight. I had met someone from this site after she (with a fairly minimal profile) had messaged me. We discussed various fantasies (she described me at one point as her "sexual alter ego", and we met up for a date. She had said that she had met a few people from the site before, but that they had pushed her to eat plates and plates of food on their first meeting, and she had wanted to get to know people first. So, I just took her to an ordinary restaurant and we talked and got to know each other.

She was quite keen on meeting again after the first date, so we booked afternoon tea at a place that I knew had especially generous portions of cake. She deliberately wore the tightest dress that she owned, and ate enough cake that she was struggling by the end and had to wait a while before getting up, and then walked very slowly once outside (she was normally a fast walker). She very much enjoyed it when we found a place to sit down and I massaged her rather full middle. I invited her back to the flat where I lived at the time, but she declined - indicating that this would happen next time.

TBC (character limit)