Chapter 6 - ups and downs and ups again

Unfortunately, after reaching the heaviest I'd ever been at 260 lbs at 20 years old, I lost quite a bit of weight due to a personal matter. I fell all the way down to 180 lbs in just 6 months. And I can't lie, at the time I was honestly happy about it because I had yet to discover feederism, and I was still self conscious about being overweight. I told myself: you're gonna keep yourself on track with this healthy eating kick, start exercising more, and never get that fat again! HAH, as if...

Shortly after starting this whole healthy lifestyle thing my boyfriend at the time Alec and I walked into a Circle K for some drinks. At this point in my life I had cut out soda and was only drinking stuff like tea, lemonade, gatorade and of course water. Now this where it all started to unravel.... Alec decided to go for a fountain drink and filled his XL cup with Mountain Dew. But not just any kind of Mountain Dew, the Voltage one. I mean, I couldn't resist that. I figured what the hell, one sip won't set me back much. And boy, was I wrong! It was as if the second that fizzy goodness hit my tongue my love for this sugary substance that I had been trying so hard to break free from was reborn.

After that the rest was history. I started drinking soda more and more often telling myself each time "it's okay, one more won't hurt". I then said screw it to other things such as my small portions and healthy meals and began to crave foods I knew I shouldn't be consuming. I'd also formed a new ritual of late night drive-through trips where I'd go to McDonald's, Taco Bell and Jack-in-the-box all in one night and then find a nice dark corner to park at and stuff my face. I guess you could call what I was going through a relapse, I suppose. I had picked up my previous habits of sitting there smoking and binge eating all day with Alec once again, I started drinking much more alcohol which also probably helped increase my gain, and you know what? I didn't care. All that I ever got from being skinny was creepy guys coming up to me at the clubs or trying to get in my pants while I was out with friends. And come on, who wants to stick their tongue down a random dude when you can stick your tongue down a McFlurry instead!

It ended up taking me about 2 years since I had lost all of that weight to get back up to 240 lbs. And that's when I discovered feederism.