Chapter 22 - section 22

[5 August, Saturday]

The moment she wakes up, she can taste german apple cheesecake like a ghost around her tongue, so vivid it's almost there, tantalizing, deep as a kiss... No one has the will-power to that kind of craving.

So she craves her way into the next cheesecake, gorging on it for breakfast, bloating her gut into pain and pleasure all at once. And then a heart-dampening load of regret. There's only four left. And for a moment that's the exact source of her regret; that she'll only get to feel this groin-heavy pleasure four more times.

Her absence has been noticed in the kitchen this morning. But when she's questioned about it by Jane later on, Georgia simply claims she'd slept in. Tarama eyes her sadly from afar, understanding the problems Georgia is going through. But what she knows is only half of it. The other half, Georgia can't bring to speak about: that she's addicted to the dopamine-rush of testing her bursting point. Even the feeling of sickness, the nausea itself, is starting to take on a glittery feeling... some-f@cking-how.


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[6 August, Sunday]

All day at work, a thought comes into her mind and gets snared, repeating itself, bouncing around as erratic as a dying fly that won't give up. It's so bad she forgets to respond properly to customers, who become vaguely insulted. This Thought is to overshadowing she can't even find room to apologize.

Later that night, after dinner, snacking on a nut bar, she turns to Google for the consolation she needs. With a few crumbs on her fingers, she taps out the Big Question across the keyboard: "How do i still feel good after gaining weight?"

The sheer volume of results shocks her. But something in her brightens. She feels less isolated; suddenly this is no longer her problem, but a problem billions of people share.

Of course they do.

Someone will have the answers, then.

She gets utterly lost in the wilderness of forum boards, staying submerged until it's after midnight. Everyone has gone to bed by now. So should she. Georgia shuts the laptop, leaving her with one tip that sticks with her. Turning off the lamp and shutting her eyes, she thinks about what someone on a forum board had posted. They'd said:

>>>"Hi @crimsonpinks23 ...Here's my advice. Go to parties! This sounds a bit mad, but i'm serious ^.^ You should go parties even if you feel disappointed in yourself so you remain social. You can't punish yourself be becoming a recluse, right? I know this might sound crazy, but go out to whatever functions you can and wear something sexy even if you don't feel sexy in it. This is important, because if your weight is going to stay, you're going to have to learn how to be with it. Start by dressing to feel sexy just the way you did. Stay social! feel sexy! And, you know, maybe even meet someone if you're lucky? Hope all goes well :3"

They were probably right.

Georgia falls asleep less anxious, and more excited about all the places she could go out. She'll make sure she stays feeling sexy no matter what happens to her body.


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[10 August, Thursday]

Georgia has woken up in the dead of night to relieve herself of a cheesecake she'd bloated herself on before going to bed.

Coming back from the bathroom, she catches sight of the top of Ruby's head over the back of the lounge. 'Oh my god,' she whispers. Ruby's head snaps around to peek over the lounge. Her eyes widen, and she shrinks from sight. Georgia stomps to the lounge and stares at Ruby, who has a chip packet it one hand and a book on her thighs pressed flat by her forearm so she can use her free hand to shove chips in her mouth. She sinks back into the lounge, peering up with timid eyes.

'What the f@ck, Ruby? Haven't I already caught you doing this, before?'

'No,' she mumbles from flake-covered lips, wiping them with her free hand and then sucking the flavouring from each finger.

'Bullsh!t, don't lie.' She gestures to Ruby's stomach, the lower roll of which is extended over her lap. 'Why do you do this to yourself?'

Ruby opens her mouth in shock, bag of chips falling to the couch. 'Are you telling me that... Wait a minute. What! Would you look at yourself? Jesus!'

Georgia spits, 'Shut the HELL up y-'

And nearly wakes the whole household.

Lowering her voice, she leans down to level her face with Ruby's, wishing she could ignore the feeling of her own roll nudging over the waistband of her pyjama slacks. She whispers snarling, 'Don't call me fat. Don't tell me to look at MYself. Look at YOURself. You're...'

'What, fat?'

'Yeah!' snarls Georgia.

'Well lay off, then. Don't even worry, I'm gonna diet-'

'Oh, get real, Ruby. Honestly. If you're going to diet, at least start it. Instead you're addicted to snacking.'

An amused look comes over Ruby's face. 'As I said... look at yourself.'

'No! F@ck you, Ruby! Look at YOURself. This is your fault! You made me eat all those goddamn...' She trails off. Seething sick with anger, she spins on her heel and storms away, going back to bed. Leaving Ruby staring after thighs starting to thicken, and hips she knows would make lovehandles if belted right.

Ruby does look at herself, though... Her roll swells over her crotch, punctuated by a dark navel she can jam a finger second-joint-deep into. She leans forward, and the bottom of the roll presses into the top of her thighs. She grabs the roll, which fills most of her hand, and squeezes it, running her hand around to her right hip, which pooches out past her underwear. She hasn't weighed herself in a while now, but she thinks back to the humiliation in the bathroom with the scale, when she'd come in at 150 lbs / 68 kg. If that was then, and this was now, then she reckons the scale might show 160 / 72 kg. Not long now, anyway.

The thought doesn't sicken her so much as irritate her - she's too distracted by Georgia's anger. It's clear where it's come from: an awareness of her own bodily changes. All the while Georgia was having a hissy fit, Ruby had been subtly inspecting for changes. In the next few days, Ruby's subsequent observations confirm each other. Georgia's palm-filling boobs are fuller than they have been, her thighs look swollen when in anything tight, her hips bulge a little, and her belly is no longer flat, but curves out out whenever she's not sucking in - which she's learned to do. But in the small, brief moments she forgets, it extends that little bit more. There's a way to go for it to come out as far as her chest, but it's in development.

All this, Georgia knows. Very well. But remember that no matter how aware she is of what overeating leads to, she is still a Glutton, and a trait as rewarding as over-indulgence is hard to exorcise. The months to come will see her dive head-first into a stint of partying, just to prove to herself that she isn't ugly.


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[12 August, Saturday]

Yet another german apple cheesecake is obliterated by Georgia on Saturday 12th of August, leaving her with a depressingly meagre three cakes remaining. She considers going out to buy more, but the mere fact she would even entertain that thought repulses her so bad she gets this weird alkaline taste in her mouth.


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