chapter 15

Simon returned to work in yet another bigger uniform. He now hated doing anything that involved him doing any physical work. He delegated when he could, put off until someone else could go or pretended he was busy with something else. He particularly hated pushing patients anywhere whether that meant going to theatre coming back from theatre, going to x-ray or transferring to another ward. The walk was bad enough, but to push a bed or a trolley all that way took too much effort on his part.
He also hated doing bed baths, or changing sheets with the patient still in the bed because as well as the effort it took, his belly got in the way too much. Any work he did that required walking or standing took him twice as long as anyone else because he couldn't walk any more. It wasn't even a semi-waddle, it was a proper waddle. The slightest exertion left him red in the face and out of breath.
The sister on the ward was concerned for him. Health and safety policies stated that he had to keep himself reasonably fit so that he could fulfil his duties. There was the potential for him to injure himself, or worse, someone else, especially when moving patients.
She had a quiet word with him. Was there anything she could do? Was he under any pressure at home? Did he feel stressed?
Simon replied, but he did not give her an answer to her questions. He circumnavigated everything. He did not want to discuss his diet and exersise regime (or lack of it) with her. It had nothing to do with her!
She referred him to staff health. She was worried about him. His soaring weight had so many potential dangers. He could collapse in the middle of the ward with a myocardial infarction. Fair enough, the had the facilities and the staff to cope with such an emergency, but she could not afford to have that kind of emergency on her ward and be another staff member down in the middle if a shift. He might have a cerebrovascular accident. He might have a deep vein thrombosis, hypertension, diabetes, hypothyroidism, or any number of other minor ailments. She needed staff who were healthy and not going to potentially go off sick at the drop of a hat because of their own stupidity!

The nurse in staff health was shocked at Simon's BMI. She lectured him on the dangers to his health of being that much overweight. He was morbidly obese. Had he considered that?
He kept his face dead pan, but her shock at his weight turned him on a bit. What would she think if she saw him in a pair of trousers that were too small and a tee shirt that was too small while he stuffed his face with cream cakes?
She took his blood and tutted when she took his blood pressure. He saw how her nose wrinkled when she realised she was going to have to use a bigger cuff on his arm.
She told him he should eat low fat meals with lots of vegetables and a bit of protein. Had he seen the eatwell plate? He should restrict his sugar intake, increase his fibre intake and eat lots of fruit to fill himself up between meals. Had he thought about attending a class like slimmers' world or weight watchers? They would support him throughout his weight loss campaign. He also needed to think about the exersise side of things. He didn't need to join a gym. A brisk walk for ten minutes every day was a good start.
Simon made all the right noises, but he was not really listening. She gave him lots of leaflets that he binned before he reached his car. He was not going on a diet for anyone, let alone those do gooders. What did they know? He had made his choice. He didn't want to be this big. He wanted to be even bigger! Thirty stones was his current target! He didn't care about the consequences to his health because he was having so much fun eating all the wrong things in enormous volumes at all the wrong times.
He reached the car. He had to do a bit of manoeuvring to get in it these days. His belly rubbed directly on the steering wheel. He turned on the engine and reached over to a bag on the passenger seat. He ate two chocolate bars before he moved off, just to spite that supercilious woman in staff health. She knew nothing about the real world sitting in her ivory tower! In her world no one had any vices. No one drank, no one smoke or took drugs. Everyone ate healthily, went to the gym and maintained a suitable BMI. Everyone had their vaccinations up to date, never caught an STD, if they had sex at all! Simon thought it would be a very sad world if everyone did as they were supposed to. rebelliousnes made the world interesting!

He called in at the burger bar drive-in on the way home. It was as he was receiving his order for four people that he formulated his plan. That stupid woman had wanted him to visit his GP and get checked out there. Well he would make an appointment, but it would be to discuss something completely different from his weight! A smile spread across his face at how he could do it. He knew the signs and symptoms of the complaint. Loads of nurses had similar problems. His problem would be exacerbated by his weight and leave him incapacitated. Or at least that was what he was going to imply!