chapter 2

114

-

My prince wanted to make me fat again today. I told my prince how much I would love that. I don't like being a skinny stuck up girl, I said, and I'd like it very much if he brought me down to earth and make me get fat again. I'd like for him to make me a princess again. He will show me that I am a fat pig, he says. It makes me wet when he says this. I become so horny hearing him talk about it, I have to make love as he describes how my body will fatten. My prince knows me so well.

He sits me down and hand feeds me. He feeds me very well, and I am very very full, but he doesn't like to see me hurt too much: only just enough to make me ache down below as well. I love my prince so very much. As he feeds me, he pinches parts of my trim body. He has made me so skinny over the last few months with Hal not letting me eat too much and making me exercise. I don't really like exercise, I know he doesn't like me to complain, but he knows how much I like getting fat. Why do I have to get skinny again at all. I like my body when I'm fat.

My prince gets a naughty look. He scolds me for letting myself get so skinny. I should be stealing food, he says. I only need motivation, stimulation.

He triggers my greedy piggy protocols, submissive protocols, and negative body image protocols, and then initiates a partial new recursive emotional-memory sub-instance. Now I don't like being fat. It is ugly, and it makes me unhappy. I am not happy now, because I know that I am going to get fat. I am not allowed any self-control, and he tells me he knows this. I know I didn't always feel this way, but I don't seek to remember the details--it's all just fuzzy background noise compared to my driving emotional pathos.

He makes me look at the plates I've just eaten. "Don't you feel ashamed," he says. I do, it is so much food, it's going to make me very fat since I can't stop eating like this, and I know, and I cry. I worked so hard to get skinny for him. Why must I now get fat again. It's because I am a bad girl. A greedy girl. A weak girl. An ugly girl. I know this. I'm not allowed to have a skinny pretty body.

He tells me to sit and think about what I've done, and he goes to bed. I sit and try to be a good skinny girl. I want to be. I want to keep my skinny, hot body. It is so slender and pretty, without rolls of fat anywhere anymore. But I know I don't deserve it. I am a pig. I am disgusting and greedy, and have no self-control. I know I am already lost, it has happened before, many times, but even so I fight as hard as I can. But I am getting very hungry. I have just gorged myself like a fat piggy, and I am already hungry again. Because my stomach is a pig stomach, a fat girl stomach, and my body is a fat girl's body, created to be fat. It is only hidden in this thin, sexy wrapping, waiting to be opened to reveal the fat and the pig that lie within.

I hold out for what seems like hours. I know my Prince is watching though, and I know it has only been minutes. There are cupcakes stacked in the center of the table now. Maybe I'll have just one. I take a bite. Then I take another. The chocolate is so good. It makes me feel so good! The waves pulse through me, from my mouth, my tongue, the taste travels to my mind, my body, pulses of pleasure that travel through me and quickly down, through the pit of my stomach where they gain speed and power as I sickly imagine the fat it is making, and finally impacting in my center, my naughty guide.

But this all lasts only the briefest of moments, as it always does, and then I am empty again. The pleasure is gone, in its place a void, and I am alone, and the feelings are gone, the light is gone. I can't help it. I need it, I need another, and I am so hungry! So empty. Just one more. One more bite. One more cake. And then another. And then they all are gone. Five? Ten? I have no idea. I desperately try to remember the pleasure they just brought me, but I can't even remember them really, now, though, I know, they will be with me forever.

I am mortified, ashamed, horrified and vulnerable. I don't know what to do. I clean up quickly and hide the mess. I am crying. I will get fat, I know now, I will get so, so fat. I will ruin all of it, everything my prince has helped me be, with his strict and caring careful diets these last few months, that I've tried and strived and worked and suffered so hard for him. Sweat and effort and trouble for him. It was so difficult, he wanted the best for me and tried so hard to help. And I worked and tried so hard for him, strived to give him what he deserved. My precious prince. And I didn't even want to be thin and pretty... but I can't remember why. It is fuzzy and I don't want to think about it. And in an instant it is gone.

I've been so happy now that I am skinny. But no more, I know. He will try to help, but in the end I will make myself fat again I know it, I know it. I am not worried of him and his love and his trust. I have done it before I think. I am so weak.

I sneak into bed, and cuddle up to him. I need him to love me now more than ever. I love him so much, and I am so sorry. He just smiles and holds me and tells me he loves me. He must not know what I have just done, what I am currently doing, making fat. Does he taste it on my lips? He is sure I won't let myself get fat, he says. But I can't help it. He goes to sleep too fast, and I can't sleep.

I get out of my masters bed silently, I think, and sneak away so slowly to go eat. I feel so bad, but I'm so hungry. No. Not hungry. He deserves a thin girl. But I know that I deserve to be fat and gross. I don't deserve him, and so I eat. I eat to make myself feel better, feel safer, and because when I've lost him, everything, I will finally be safe, alone, finally unable to sink any lower, to lose anymore. It's like being on top of a scary tall mountain or a cliff, and all I want is to be safe at the bottom where I can no longer fall down, where I can look up at the hills and see how nice it would be to be on top of them, but here there is no pressure, and I am too fat now to climb them back up anyway. It is just easier if I fail it, him, outright. I don't deserve to have him. He deserves a thin girl, and I am a fat girl. And so I eat. I am so hungry. No. Not hungry. Horny. I start playing with his cock when I return. I can't help it, and know I shouldn't wake him. He just smiles at me. I am going to miss him so much. He is so beautiful. He wipes some cream from my mouth and smiles and kisses me and takes me.

He turns me over and ravishes me as I eat from his hands.

-
-