Chapter 2 - segment 2

Anyway, Easter came up on 12 April and that meant lots of chocolate. Believe it or not, I don't have a lot of chocolate when I'm overseas, so Easter is still a good time for me. Wherever I went there was always chocolate lying around, in little bowls at events, in people's homes, stuff at the shops. Looking back to that, which wasn't even two weeks ago, I realize now how much I binged. I didn't even think about it the time, just thought, oh, well I'm only here for another two weeks so it's okay. (I seem to do that a lot?)

Anyway that Monday, 13th, one of my friends looked at me weirdly for a sec and said, 'Did you gain weight?'

I don't remember what I said back to her (it was probably nothing important), but she leaned towards me and folded the bottom of my shirt up, and there was a grabbable fold of belly there. It actually hung over my jean waistband. She poked it, then got really worried about it. She told me I should try and lose my weight. I was pretty embarrassed, because we were in a small coffee shop and there were people around. Luckily I flipped the shirt back down and told her I would soon. And that was that.

Until I got to my flat and weighed myself. I turned up at a whopping 167 pounds (I remember the number very clearly because I thought, "no wonder I can see the top of my belly now when I look down"). That meant I'd put nearly another ten over easter just from eating whatever chocolate was available.

Another one of my school friends I'd kept close all these years was talking to me. She let me know a ten year high school reunion was on the 18th of April, which was the Saturday that just went. I should have cut down my food intake and slimmed down for the coming saturday, but for some reason I didn't. Looking back, I was probably too distracted by... well, nothing? Maybe I just didn't care as much as people wanted me to.

Anyway, the Saturday comes around. I haven't even got an outfit sorted yet, but had to get something. I was nervous to see old school friends again and what they'd say about me, I wore dark grey high-waist jeans and a black top with one of those wide crimson midriff belts drawn tight to squeeze my waist in and look thinner. All it really did was divide all my belly fat two rolls, one just below my boobs and one really obvious bulge under in the front of my jeans. And it suffocated me when I sat down. So I just sucked in at all times, sounding constantly winded when I spoke for lack of diaphragm movement.

The embarrassing moment wasn't the one person who commented on my weight. Most didn't, because there were other old schoolmates there who'd gained as well, and nobody wanted to say anything mean. One really hot guy, Milo Davis, who everyone wanted back in school had gotten huge and looked tired all the time. Another girl, "Mags", made even my eyes boggle (she was the size of a whale and her boyfriend had to literally help her up from sitting). She looked so different. The real embarrassing thing wasn't even the weird, silent stares my old schoolmates gave me when we talked. It came after I had to give up sucking in near all my old schoolmates who I respected and who respected me. They said nothing to me about my weight, but I could tell they noticed and were thinking things to themselves. By the time I'd had a bit to eat and sat down, I actually gasped for air, because the red belt constricting my mid-waist felt like it'd punched me right in the diaphragm. I had to fix it, so I went off the to the bathroom real fast and loosened it when I checked no one was watching. Now my belly was bulging again and I could see how my lovehandles were filling the insides of my jeans. I had to go back outside like that. The embarrassing thing came when I sat near an old clique of mine.

Then it happened. When I settled into the seat, I felt a tap on my waist like something small hit it, and then a short sharp vibration which ended with feeling cool air. Everyone pretended not to notice, and kept on talking as all this happened. But my relaxed belly had forced the button to ping open and the zipper had gone down too. Because I'd had a few beers, I was feeling bloated and couldn't suck back in. It was horrible. You could see my squishy belly button from between the V of the open fly, and because my arms were getting thicker and my sides were at the meaty stage, it was so obvious it wasn't just pregnant. It was an absolute disaster. I had to go back to the bathroom and lock myself in a cubicle. I tried connecting the waistband together, but I couldn't suck in without feeling like i'd been stabbed in the gut. So I just sat on the toilet seat, and peeled my high-waisted jeans all the way down under my hips and began holding my lovehandles and playing with my tummy in disbelief. I couldn't believe how soft it felt and how easy it was to knead in my hand. I was slapping it and watching it jiggle against my thighs when I heard the door open, so I sat still and waited in silence until they left. When they were gone I tried to button myself again, but it was too much pain.

In the end I had to ring my friend and ask to borrow her jacket to cover my wardrobe disaster. I was close to tears.

Late at night when I got to my flat again I checked my weight: 172 pounds.

So yeah, that's what happened.

Pic for reference, me today, which is the Tuesday 21st of April, after the reunion... Probably couple of pounds bigger by now... :/

Dunno how to feel about this, honestly. I mean, other than getting embarrassed, I actually kinda like this? I dunno. The more I touch my belly, the more I like how soft I feel and the fact I don't have to stress so much about what I eat anymore. I keep thinking whether or not I should just stay like this, lose it, or keep going... I wonder how big I'd get if I kept going."



posted : Tuesday 21 April 2020