chapter 4

HOLY SHIT!! As I open my eyes, was that a food induced coma? My head is spinning and things are pretty hazy. I've never experienced one before but if that was one...damn. Still on the couch, I try to move and sit up, not an easy taste at the moment. Looking around I don't the Steph or Ann anywhere, so I guess it's up to me to try and sit up. Rocking side to side to gain momentum, finally getting there and oooff!!! I can sit up.

I must of made a fair amount of noise, as Ann announces "He's UP". "What the heck happened?", I enquire. In a reassuring voice, Ann responds, "you ate so much you passed out." "Ready for more!", Steph proclaims. Yeah, right I think to myself.....I just ate so much I passed out and now you want me to eat more???!! "What? Wait a minute. Have you two been watching me the whole time? I mean struggling to get up?", I blurt out. "Of course not, we were in the kitchen making more and all that noise you made got our attention. We honestly expected you to sleep for another hour", replies Steph.

I'm still a bit bewildered at what just happened but here comes the grad student, with a tray of meats and cheeses. "Just a snack until dinner is ready" and Ann is back towards the kitchen. Snack? Hardly, more like a party tray. Hungry or not, I haven't a clue I just start eating. About half way through the party tray, I realize I am getting fat...dropped a slice of hard salami and it totally landed on this belly of mine. Before I grab it, Ann is standing in front of me with a tray of mini poppy seed muffins- "Would you mind grading these?", she asks. As if on cue Steph announces "since you are already eating everything she makes, I thought it best if you graded her work." "uhm, sure I'd be glad to too. Does this mean I get paid to eat?" I thought it was a sarcastic statement but not Steph "sounds like a good idea and since the average work day is between 8 and 10 ten hours, you better get after it!!!" Looks like I'm going to be 600 pounds in short order.

Steph just walked in wearing her CIA prof uniform... "Since you are on the clock now, we need to get some information so we can chart the quality and quantity of Ann's projects." "I'm going to weigh and measure you weekly and Ann's grades depend on you, Mr." "Gaining more than 7lbs a week is cause for an A, 5-7 a B, and 3-5 is a C and you do realize anything less than a B is failing in grad school."

Now, I don't know if anyone out there is or was a college student but when the prof says something that is substantiated by school policy, you really don't have much room to argue. Worst of it all is that Ann is looking at me for grades and Steph is pushing me to gain ever more weight. Either way I am going to be fat and the crazy thing is....I'm looking forward to it!!! Oh yeah, we are two-weeks from Christmas.

I pack away the rest of the party tray and the mini muffins before Steph gets me up and waddles me to the scale. Now, I haven't been on the scale since October, 387, so this may be a surprise for all of us. In great anticipation, I slowly lift one leg as it impacts this massive ball of fat known as my belly. Once its on the scale, my other legs rises and crashed into my belly sending a second shock wave that has me off balance - Steph helps steady me and flashes her ever seductive evil grin at me. Steadied by the wall, Steph moves out and away from me to a vantage point where she can record the number: 426. She then proceeds to measuring and recording my girth, arms, thighs, and chest. "From this point on Ann's career is in your stomach and ability to eat", and with that Steph bites my ear ever so gently....WOWZER! And with that kind of incentive, I'm going to need to quit my other job so I can dedicate myself to eating....here's to 600lbs!!!