chapter 3

I had practice today and I was really happy, but that was about the only thing that was making me happy. I was the only one who knew about Sampson, so I was the only one getting all of the details about him. Sampson this, and Sampson that.

He actually compared him to me. I felt so mixed up and angry, even. I mean, I had this rage inside of myself...I felt so mad sometimes I saw red. But then I felt bad. Dan was happy and I wanted to take that away from him.

I just couldn't tell him that I was gay now. I just felt it would make things awkward.

I ran my best mile yet and I got to think about Danny. If I told him, he might not reject me. We could happily be together. But, if I did get rejected, I will have lost my best friend and end up alone. But, we had history, so I figured I SHOULD tell him.

I changed back into my clothes and went towards the bus stop. I could call him and ask him to come over, but I could wait for school tomorrow.

But if I did that, it wouldn't be private. I sat down on the bus stop bench and opened my bag to take out my cell phone. "What are you doing?" I felt my pace quicken and I jumped a bit. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I wasn't scared." I picked up my bag and went over to Dan's truck. He locked the door.

"I didn't say I was giving you a ride." He was laughing. He was being Dan, everyday Dan.

"Fine," I said sharply. I walked back to the bus stop and sat down. He wasn't laughing anymore.

"Scott I was only joking." I had lost my nerve to tell him.

"I will wait for the bus," I said, trying to not freak out.

"We always go to your house after practice." We did. Cross Country let out before football, so I would usually wait for him.

"You don't play football, you quit!" I spat at him as I jumped up from the bench.

"What's wrong with you?" He re-locked the door. "*** you Scott." He drove off. I sat back down and felt like shit. I had told him it was okay to quit. I told him to do what would make him happy.

"Get in." He came back. I grabbed my bag and got in the truck. He put it in park. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Don't lie to me," he said like my mother. I sat silent, jaw wired shut. "C'mon, you can tell me."

"You, okay, you. You are the problem."

"What did I do to you?"

"You went and got a boyfriend."

"You don't like that I'm gay?" He rested his hand on my thigh. "I can understand that, I have put a lot on you." I sighed.

"I'm gay too." Why did I have to be? Why couldn't I have been born like a normal guy who liked what was normal? "I love you Dan."

"You love me?" he asked.

"Before you ever met Sampson..." I was never going to be normal. It just wasn't going to happen.

"Then why didn't you just say so..."

"Would you tell me that you were in love with me?" I couldn't believe I had told him yet myself. He was dumbstruck. "I know you wouldn't." I sighed again. "Bye." I got out and went back to the bus stop. It was his turn to feel like crap. I did feel better though.

In some different universe, maybe things would work out.