That new girl

Chapter 1 - a few complaints

I don’t know about her. I know I’m just the cleaning lady, I don’t qualify as a colleague to everyone else working here, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know people. Doesn’t mean I don’t keep my eyes open.

In my position, I see more than just about everything else in the building. At least more than any of them can see with their eyes looking at computer screens for eight hours. But guess I can’t talk right?

And I don’t like to talk. Gossiping and all that. So I keep to myself. But I know who leaves gum under the seats in the cafe. Who chews on the branded pens. Who still doesn’t know that you can’t flush tampons down the toilet! Its besides the point though, because the new girl doesn’t do any of that… but I don’t know about that one.

Everyone knows her by now, she’s been here two? About two months. I don’t recall when she was hired but since I first noticed her, I couldn’t ignore her.

You know who I’m talking about right? The black girl. About average height. Well, taller than me by a few inches. Quite chubby but in that annoyingly non unflattering way. At least she is pretty enough to counteract her belly. Yes, she has a belly. I’ve heard some of her coworkers have a debate over it. But it comes from the perspective, I’m sure.

Alleah, her name is. One to argue that she doesn’t have a belly still can’t deny she has a muffin top bulge over the waistband of the slacks she wears everyday. If you take her hips into account, it may be easy to miss the transition from her love handles to her thighs. At least when she is up and walking around. Which I’ve noticed is when she is most likely sucking it all in. For someone who’s caught her sitting candidly at her desk focused on typing away, you would be on the side of the gut.

The blouses she wears have to be in the range of XL because they help with draping down from her chest. (I’ll come back to her chest in a second.) But just take a second to see her sitting there and you can tell where her love handles scrape the edges of her top. Still don’t believe me? Then see her after lunch.

Like I said, she is chubby but I can’t say she looks… bad. It helps tremendously that her chest makes my back hurt more than after I mop the floors just looking at it. The kind of rack on a woman where you can’t blame her for showing some cleavage in her tops. I’m a D cup and I have that problem with some shirts. It’s the same story in her basement. Call me racist, but she simply has a black booty. Those cheeks take up every inch her slacks can spare. And frustratingly to me personally, they look great! I assumed she went to the gym with how shapely her backside is. Doing squats for days at the least. But I’ve watched them jiggle about while she giggled at the coffee maker. I didn’t think it was possible to have an ass made of nothing but fat but not look like a slab of tenderized meat.

Since that’s the second time I’ve mentioned food, let me tell you, this girl doesn’t have a problem with food. Or maybe she does. But it’s more like food has a problem with her. I think you can put anything in front of her and it will be doomed. Her appetite I’m sure is something you’ve probably heard of. So you know why she is so big.

For lunch, its like she is eating for two or three. If she orders in, she might get a large pizza and wings to eat at her desk. A few days ago it was just the wings from Bdubs, but it came in a box meant for a party. Had to be at least 20 or 30 wings in there. All for herself! And if she goes out to pick something up, she comes back with a couple bags worth of food. Two meals from the Mickey D’s across the street. Or her favorite, Chipotle. The burritos she gets are the biggest I’ve ever seen. Required to be double wrapped. And when I say ‘burritos’ I mean every time she goes. I think there has only been one or two times she came back with just one. But otherwise, she brings back two of those bean monstrosities to devour.

Like I said, after lunch, there is no hiding her belly. She tries if she ever gets up and has to go somewhere, but its obvious that she is struggling to keep her back straight and her chest out to counter her stomach. When she is at her desk after a meal for three, if you catch her off guard you’ll see her leaning back in her chair, belly practically on her lap straining every button on her shirt. Might even hear her unbuckle her belt to ‘make space’ I guess. I haven’t seen her do it. She checks for wondering eyes before she gets comfortable.

But once she’s comfortable, you can hear more. I cringe just thinking about it. Just the other day, later in the day, I heard her sigh as I walked by her desk. Once I was out of sight, I stopped when I heard her chair creak. Overloaded by her seat dominating ass as she leaned over I assumed. Then I heard a grotesque noise that I wouldn’t have thought to be possible to come out of a human. An overweight horse maybe. But it was a fart from Alleah and her chair suffered for it. I made a Beeline for the stairs. I didn’t want to wait for the elevator in case she was going to head to it so she could get to the ninth floor.

Did you know she only goes to that floor to go use the bathroom in the west corner? Literally the only reason. And that floor is barely occupied since a magazine company that rented it out left before she even got here. I like to take some time alone up there just for some quiet time. Plus, super easy to clean a floor barely used.

Then along comes Alleah who is bursting for a toilet. I don’t even remember the day it happened, but I was sitting at a cubical browsing facebook when I heard the elevator doors open. Naturally nervous, I prepared to grab the vacuum and act like I was preparing to plug it in when I heard a sigh and a long fart flap from Alleah’s cheeks. She hurried past the cubical I was hidden in without even noticing me. But I noticed how the floor shook as she ran by. Not a surprise since I’m sure she has a hundred pounds over me. Maybe a hundred and five with how big her gut looked at the time. But it would unfortunately shrink after her visit.

After half gagging on the horrible odor that somehow took over the path she walked, I considered leaving. But since I was already there, and assuming the bathroom would need a cleaning after she was finished with it. I unwisely stuck around.

Since the floor was dead, I didn’t have to be right outside the bathroom to hear what was going on. Alleah seemed to fumble with her belt in a near panic while she struggled to get her slacks down. A clatter of the seat as she sat down. But that was muffled compared to the explosion of flatulence that started her shit. It shredded like a car revving up when you start it and roared on for I don’t even know how long. The longest I had ever heard. It eventually dwindled and the peace returned. Roughly a minute passed with her grunting and sighing until a terrifying plunk attacked the bowl. I couldn’t imagine the size of the thing that made that noise, but I sadly wouldn’t have to.

A few more minutes of peace passed with a couple of small plops and a train of gas. One fart after another. I didn’t keep count, but easily more than fifteen were ripped. I honestly didn’t know if she was gonna stop. But then she flushed.

And the toilet gave up a few seconds in.

Alleah unironically cursed. But then I heard her scurry about in there, open another stall door and start wiping. Then she flushed that toilet! As if she didn’t just clog the other one!

As much as it aggravated me, I hid in another cubicle for when she came out. I knew she went up there for the privacy and didn’t want thinks to be more awkward whenever I passed by. Once the coast was clear (cus the air certainly wasn’t) I went in.

The only thing that could’ve been more disgusting than the throat searing smell in the bathroom was the disgusting mass lodged in the hold of the last stall. Rather thinking about it now, she could’ve shit on the floor. Seen that before. But that time it was just some loose crap that splattered a bit on the floor. Not the enormous brown snake that choked the last toilet.

Unclear to know exactly how long it was, as the neck of the thing made it into the hole, but the rest extended outwards, wrapped over halfway around the bowl and broke the water’s surface. It had a small team of some smaller turds about the size of candy bars. Made me think of a bunch of fishing boats surrounding an enormous snake monster. Not that I’d be into a movie like that, but it still terrifies me with its sheer size. And I know the size of someone’s ass doesn’t determine the size of the poop but I weirdly could believe that the behemoth there could come out of Alleah’s ass. Or again, some large animals.

See what I mean though? Cus Alleah is… I mean she doesn’t seem bad or mean in any way. A little shy but… that was only one tale of the three times so far she’s clogged a toilet here. I’m not going to be the one to tell her to change her eating habits, nor am I gonna complain to corporate to invest in stronger toilets. But with her around, she’s been making my job more difficult. I’m not gonna carry a shovel around everywhere for that moment when I need to dislodge an anaconda from a drain.

And don’t tell no one about this. I don’t want to gossip. I just wanted to get this off my chest cus… oh god, she’s heading to the bathroom again.

*gulp*