chapter 5

"It's time for your first step, Megan," Mary said gently. "Now, don't be intimidated. Why don't you start by telling us about the first time you stuffed yourself. How did that make you feel?"
Megan forced a laugh that she hoped sounded casual but sounded hollow even to her own ears, "There's been a mistake, I shouldn't even be here."
Most of the others looked away uncomfortably, Gemma and Shannon rolled their eyes at each other.
"Why don't we discuss some of the issues raised during your intervention?" Mary coaxed.
"It was just stupid stuff, a pair of sweat pants. Who cares?" Megan said.
The others exchanged knowing looks.
"And why do you prefer to wear those?" Mary asked. "Are your other clothes not as comfortable as they used to be? Zippers keep busting on your favourite jeans? Buttons popping off your shirts? There's only so often that you can use the excuse that mom shrank your clothes in the wash, huh.?"
"Maybe I have gained some weight. It happens. But this is ridiculous, I don't need to go to fat camp just to loose a couple of pounds!"
"Anything else?" Mary pressed.
"I have a box of snacks that I keep under my bed." Megan sighed.
"You think that's normal?" Hilary asked.
Megan faltered, "Sure, everyone likes junk food."
"Yeah, but they don't hide it away so they can gorge themselves in secret," Dolph said. "They enjoy it occasionally."
"And what was the last thing?" Mary asked.
Megan blushed and said quietly, "My boyfriend thinks I'm not interested in him anymore. He thinks all I care about is food."
"You choose the pleasure you get from food over other physical gratifications," Mary said.
Megan caught Gemma staring at her curiously as Mary said these words and suddenly it was all too much for her.
"I'm not freak! I'm pretty, my boyfriend is good looking, I work out, I'm a cheerleader!" she cried.
She looked around the circle, desperate to find someone who believed her but they all just stared back at her and she knew she wasn't fooling anyone.
"I just want to be normal," she whispered.
"Then you admit that you're not normal!" Mary cried triumphantly, getting to her feet and putting a hand on Megan's shoulder. "That's the first step to recovery. Come on, it's time to step on the scale and admit that you're fat."
Megan followed Mary willingly like a sleep walker to the scales at the back of the group therapy room.
"Let's see what you've done to yourself," Mary said briskly. "196 lbs. A light weight in this room but still fat by normal society's standards."
Megan gasped, "It's true, I've been lying to myself the whole time. I am fat. I've gained 66 lbs and I couldn't admit it."
She stumbled back to her chair and cried sob after wracking sob until she knew she was all alone in the room.