Chapter 2 - three healing words

"Naw, Ash, you're not fat. You're just plump. And you are going to exercise this belly off just as soon as we get you some new exercise clothes, right?"

She sounds sympathetic. I sigh my sadness, breathing heavily.

"Sorry I said that to you," Stephanie continues, breaking my silence of this moment. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Oh, it's okay. I can't get mad at you over what I have done to myself. I have just lost so much already - and now . . ." I shudder again, but this time, it is not from Stephanie's physical touch, but from my own pain inside me.

I feel tears start to well up in my eyes, my voice begins to pitch higher as I let out a loud sob.

"Oh, Ashley, please, I'm sorry for saying that. You're not a fat loser or anything like that."

Now, the tears really come, and I start sobbing loudly. I collapse on the bed, burying my face in my pillow.

"I am so a fat loser!" I practically scream between sobs, now getting quite hysterical. I gasp for breath and continue my loud tantrum, glad I can't seen Stephanie's face. "I've lost so much already - my scholarship, being on the team, my major, my future - all because I have grown so - so - so ***ing fat . . . "

"There, there," Stephanie says soothingly. She sits on the bed beside me and starts to rub my back as I breathe in little jerky gasps, like I'm out of breath.

"And now I'm losing Jacob as well," I say in little sobbing words. "And no wonder! What guy wants to be with a big fat cow like me!"

"Isn't that just like a man!" Stephanie says sternly. "Only interested in one thing - how you look."

She starts massaging my back with both hands, and I start to feel better. My breathing slows down a bit.

"We've been fighting a lot lately," the words spill from me now. "He says he is repulsed by my body, and he wants me to lose the weight, or I'm going to lose him."

"Typical selfish male," Stephanie says with a bitter tone. "I'll bet when he wants a blow job, he doesn't care what you weigh."

I turn over on the bed now and face Stephanie. I think about Jake for a moment and realize she is right about him, then nod my head in agreement. He is selfish in the love department and seems unconcerned about my happiness. All he seems to care about now is my weight, not who I am inside.

Stephanie's hands are now on my belly, plying my flab between her fingers. It feels good but also a little weird because it feels so good.

"And when was the last time he gave you any pleasure? Or took you out to a nice restaurant? Or said, 'I love you.'"

I ponder these questions and start crying again softly.

"Oh, sorry, it's none of my business, Ashley, but I think you are better off without Jake. He is still an immature boy, and you are a grown woman now." At these words, her hands drift from my belly to my breasts, her fingers sticking under my bra a little. I shudder at her touch and continue sobbing.

She moves one hand to my side, rubbing the soft flab of my love handle. Her touch is not merely comforting but almost as if she is lovingly caressing my soft plump body. I start to recoil at her touch, but it feels so good. Too good, I think to myself. Not like Jacob's touch at all.

"You've outgrown him." Her words spill out quickly. "You are special, Ash. You deserve someone who will satisfy all your needs and desires. Someone who will serve you and cook for you and take you out to fancy restaurants and ice cream parlors, someone who will . . ."

"Someone like you?" I ask, surprised at my boldness but feeling quite aroused by Stephanie's touch.

She grabs my face between her hands and looks deep into my bleary tear-filled eyes. "Someone who will say, 'I love you, Ashley.'" She pauses for a few seconds, looking down at the bed, then looks me in the eyes again. Her pupils widen and swirl. "I love you, Ashley."

Stephanie pulls her face toward mine and kisses me with a mouth which tastes like sweet wine. Luscious lips and swirling tongue.

I pull away in shock. "Steph, I don't know . . ."

"Don't know? Don't know what? That this feels good? That I love you?"

"I've never done, you know, that with another woman."

"Neither have I, Ash."

"But you're a lesbian, aren't you? I didn't know."

"Neither did I," Stephanie announces in a shaky voice. "But I want to find out."

A moment of silence in which I can almost hear my heart beating wildly in my chest. Stephanie looks at me again, those hazel eyes turning grey and golden. Finally, I speak although the words are difficult to get out.

"And I would love to find out about what I'm feeling now also," I say, still gasping in little sobs - or perhaps breathless by what has happened in the last few minutes. "I love you, Steph."

Stephanie pulls me close for another kiss. Then, she pushes me away long enough to say, "I suppose there are many new things for us to discover about ourselves and each other."

I nod as she reaches around and undoes my bra. Her hand feels warm against my soft back where I once had muscles but imagine I never will again.

We embrace and kiss, groping and fondling each other as we do. We lie down on the bed together and start to enjoy each other's bodies.

And I think about the taste of cheesecake as we melt into each other.

The End ( or just the beginning?)