It was on a weekend just like any other, one Saturday around three years ago now, that I made one of the most important decisions of my life so far. I'd been thinking about it for a long time, weighing up the pros and cons, wondering if I had the courage to go through with it. Then, as I was sitting in my local cafe? eating my way through one of their mega breakfasts, thoroughly savouring every enjoyable mouthful, I finally made up my mind just like that! Now was the time to start, from now on I really was just going to let myself go. I would eat what I liked, when I liked and plenty of it, I was deliberately going to fatten myself up.
There were still doubts in my mind of course, what would my friends and family say when they noticed that I was starting to put on more weight. My father was the person I was most anxious about, I come from a fat family but growing up I had always been the fattest of his three daughters and he had often made comments about my weight, telling me how much prettier I would look if I lost some weight and how I would never get a boyfriend because I was too fat.
Now of course I recognize why I was the fattest, it was because that was how I'd always wanted to be. At first it was in my subconscious, all I knew was that I really wanted to eat. I remember stealing food from the kitchen, a packet of cookies or crisps and eating them up in my room. Often I would still be eating at the dinner table long after the rest of my family had gone into the lounge, I would pretend to be a slow eater but really I would be finishing up whatever was left in the pans, or even sometimes what was left on the plates. As I got older I started to realize that secretly I actually enjoyed my weight and wanted to be fatter still, but pressure from family and peers kept me on diets and at times I really did try quite hard to keep my weight down. So lead to my dilemma in the cafe, but once I had made the decision that I really did want to gain weight, whatever the consequences, I felt a huge rush of relief wash over me, mixed with more than just a tinge of excitement.
I wasted no time in starting, once I'd finished my mega breakfast I walked straight down the road to another cafe and ordered a large roast dinner. I couldn't eat it all of course, much to my disappointment, but it made me realize that this was going to have to be a long term commitment, there was plenty of time ahead and no need to rush. Over the weeks and months that followed I kept to my usual routine of going to work, coming home, occasionally going out with friends and visiting the family, but all the time I would try to build in a bit more food or try to make food the focus of the event. I increased the number of snacks I ate at work, making sure I always had change for the vending machine so that I could have a chocolate bar in my morning or afternoon break. I also kept my desk draw well stocked with goodies including fattening soft drinks just in case I felt too embarrassed to be seen eating yet again. When shopping I started to buy more fattening products, replacing low fat yoghurts with the much tastier rich and creamy variety, and buying plenty of fresh cakes and pastries to eat when I got home.
Buttons would become harder to do up
The results soon started to show on my body and the joy and excitement I got from knowing that I was deliberately fattening myself was immeasurable. Within three weeks I had grown back into all my old size 22 clothes which I had so painstakingly managed to slim out of just a few months before. Luckily I'd tucked them away in a draw having been reluctant to throw them out at the time, I think in the back of my mind I knew they might come in handy again one day. A real mile stone though was when I started to outgrow even these clothes - now I really was starting to get fat, fatter than I'd ever been up to that point in my life. I didn't rush straight out to buy new clothes either but continued to wear the clothes I had even though I knew they were becoming too small. Everyday they would get a little bit more difficult for me to fit into, zips and buttons would become harder to do up, and more of my flesh would squeeze out in inappropriate places. I took great pleasure from feeling my belly stretching out my clothes and it was only when they started to become unbearably uncomfortable that I went out to buy some new garments.
People did start to comment about my gain, more behind my back I think than to my face, but having always been larger than average I was already used to a certain amount of this, and in any case I had been expecting to get a few remarks. I remember one friend at work sympathetically taking me aside and telling me about her own weight gain and how difficult she found it to keep the weight off. She was quite shocked when I told her that I wasn't dieting and was in fact now eating much more than I used to, I didn't tell her everything but did let her know how much I loved my food and how I didn't intend to diet anymore. Surprisingly my father had very little to say on the subject apart from some general observations about me getting 'very fat'. I don't know whether it was because he'd given up hope of me ever losing weight since I'd left home or whether he was slightly embarrassed about the extra pounds he'd added to his own body.
I really do love my well fattened body
To date it's been nearly three year since I made that decision to fatten up and during that time I've put on over 135 lbs to bring my weight up to an all time high of 380 lbs. I've enjoyed every minute of it, my only regret if I have one at all is that I wished I'd let myself go sooner and not ever bothered at all to diet. There are some draw backs of course, finding clothes that are large enough can be a problem and I do tend to get out of breath a lot more easily than I used to, but overall if you feel this way inclined I would definitely recommend you take the plunge.
I really do love my well fattened body, so soft and fleshy as I always dreamed it would be. Often I will stand in front of the mirror and admire how large I have become, turning side on to see the full size of my belly and stroking my hands around its large curve or playing with my belly fat. When I eat I know there is nothing to hold me back, gone are the days that I would go without dessert, now I can have seconds or even thirds if I want, and if it makes me fatter still I shall be all the happier.
Juliet Foster - May 21st 2006