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Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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ChrisF   Canada
Joined 10 years
There are therapists who specialize in helping people with fetishes in these sorts of situations - that would be your best bet.
Also, something to think about - there are many threads here about people going from feeder to feedee. Maybe that's not for you, but it's common enough that I'd consider if being the feedee yourself would scratch that itch instead. Your girlfriend might be open to that too
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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BlobbyDan   United States
Joined 1 month
You shouldn’t have gotten in a relationship with someone who isn’t into this kink if you couldn’t be with them without it. If you can’t get over not being with her if you don’t get to make her your feedee then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. I personally don’t plan on dating outside of this community simply because I’ve done that and wasn’t happy. You either can be happy without this or not. If it’s not then you need to find someone else to be with. If you don’t wanna lose her because you love her then you either choose to be accepted and indulged with role play, which is very amazing on her part, but not have the full feeder/feedee dynamic. Or you can’t possibly build a happy life with someone if you will feel cheated out of something or have an empty part in the relationship.

I will tell you what you definitely don’t do is you DO NOT try and manipulate or force her into being a feedee. This means don’t do it secretly, don’t beg her or push it more onto her, and definitely don’t give her an ultimatum of be into this or you’ll leave. If you do decide you can’t live with out it definitely don’t tell her it’s because she wouldn’t be your feedee. That’s not her fault and you will definitely give her a complex with that shit.
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Johnxyz   United States
Joined 17 years
She doesn't want to gain. You either need to accept this, or break up.
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Dazedandveryconfused:
I would never force her or go behind her back to make her gain weight. I’d also never want to leave her feeling like it’s because of this kink but the issue is that our relationship is struggling because of this kink. I want to be able to work with what I have. I have a great girlfriend that is willing to roleplay feederism with me. It’s also not necessarily the weight gain that’s even the issue. I like her body the way it is but it’s the fact that she doesn’t see this kink in the same way I do. I just want to be able to have the fun of feeding her and enjoying it without her gaining weight. Maybe it’s because we haven’t practiced it enough but it just feels full because it’s not her fantasy as well. I’m really looking for ways to strengthen the sexual bond with my vanilla partner because I like to believe there is hope instead of giving up for a kink. And yes therapy is on the way but I’m looking for people that may have experienced similar things


You mention all these sacrifices she is making for you. What are you doing for her?
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Bigboyzac   United States
Joined 4 months
If she isn't into it, there isn't something you can do that would magically change that. Relationships aren't supposed to be based around sex, think about everything else that makes it a working relationship. Therapy is probably your best option, because making her go through the motions with RP isn't going to help anything either.
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Munchies:
You mention all these sacrifices she is making for you. What are you doing for her?

Dazedandveryconfused:
I know I’m not the perfect boyfriend, so I don’t expect her to be my perfect girlfriend. I understand you have to compromise in relationships but sexual pleasure is very important to me in a relationship and that’s why I’m trying to find ways to strengthen my relationship with the cards I have at hand rather than try to burry a part of me that is deeply ingrained into who I am. that will only make things worse for the both of. I know I may have seemed pessimistic in my original post. This is whole struggle has just been an emotional roller coaster[/quote]

So ... you aren't doing anything for her? She's doing all the sacrifice with nothing in return?
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Bigboyzac   United States
Joined 4 months
Munchies:
So ... you aren't doing anything for her? She's doing all the sacrifice with nothing in return?[/quote]

Thats what I seem to take away from this whole thing too. "Man shocked gf isn't into same kinks and insists there is a way to change that somehow while not changing anything about himself in the process."
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Dazedandveryconfused:
I’m only replying to such comments because I don’t want other people going through the same thing that I’m going through to feel let down by other’s peoples negativity and keep blaming themselves. Trust me. I know I am the problem. I’ve blamed myself and hated myself for what I am many times and I know that isn’t the answer. I am a very motivated person to put in the effort to help myself grow as a person. I’m not going to start listing off everything little thing I have done and changed about myself over this relationship to make you believe I am a good person. The last thing I want to do is give up on this relationship and bring my issues into the next. I’ve made that mistake before. I want to find ways to create a healthy relationship with such a unique problem that I, and I’m sure many others, have. Of course being just grateful for what I have is part of it and yes sex is not the only thing in a relationship but to me, it is important and it’s not something I can change about myself and that’s why I want to find ways I can at least build a fulfilling sexual relationship with a girlfriend that is accepting of my kink but doesn’t fully align with it. I’m hoping someone out there has worked through this. Also, I have gone to therapy and I’m planning on going to more.


Why don't you want to do things for your girlfriend?
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Dazedandveryconfused:
Elaborate


I asked you earlier what you do to please your girlfriend. You went on and on about how she indulges your kinks, but it doesn't hit right for you.

So I asked what you do for her, and you went on this tirade about how you aren't the best boyfriend and you're in therapy, and yada yada yada. I took that to mean that you don't reciprocate, you know you don't reciprocate, and you know you are in the wrong for that.

Or did I wildly misunderstand you?
3 weeks

Help! my girlfriend is not a feedee. what should i do?

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Beachside Farmer   United States
Joined 1 month
Hey so this is always a difficult situation. You have brought up some interesting points.

If she is engaging (even if flat) that's promising. There are a lot of partners who are not willing. Are you giving the same effort back? If not and she is going the extra mile this is something to consider.

Yes therapy should be an option but it's ridiculously expensive and sometimes not covered by insurance if you specifically look for a sex therapist so all out of pocket.

Your talk with your girlfriend needs to be honest about your wants and needs and hers. See if you can compromise but keep reassuring her that you love your relationship and do not want to end it over this. You are wanting to work on solutions.

That is a healthy way of communicating
3 weeks