Despite me getting really turned on at the prospect of getting huge, this fetish for me has always been a "see how it goes" kinda thing. Since I'm trying to put on muscle which requires eating a calorie excess anyway, I've always tried to frame this as "purposely going overboard with it and making a happy little accident". The problem is I can't even hit enough calories to bulk up, let alone get fat.
In addition to having my mind occupied with a whole other bunch of life stuff and this being not my only kink, the simple fact is I just hate eating. I always feel like it's such a time waster (probably because I've always been such a slow eater as well esp. due to choking incidents in the past) and the only time I get any pleasure out of it is 1) having something I haven't had in a while or 2) having something after starving. Add in addition to that is I'm on Vyvanse and it just makes it way worse.
I also am a very light sleeper which also stops me from eating too much at night. I'm still in the process of fixing my sleep as well, not helping is that I hate it just as much as eating. Also lack of sleep is supposed to lead to weight gain, but just diminishes my appetite further so I can't even get that benefit.
Any tips so that I can learn to enjoy eating? Even if I gave up this kink I still need to put on muscle so I can't ignore it. Plus it would be good to actually have some pleasure with it that's not just motivated by sexual stimulation.
Note: If you want to know my current diet is mostly high calorie + high protein Hello Fresh meals, avoiding any desserts and other sugary things. The only "junk" I really have is the occasional high calorie shake with a lot of heavy cream.
In addition to having my mind occupied with a whole other bunch of life stuff and this being not my only kink, the simple fact is I just hate eating. I always feel like it's such a time waster (probably because I've always been such a slow eater as well esp. due to choking incidents in the past) and the only time I get any pleasure out of it is 1) having something I haven't had in a while or 2) having something after starving. Add in addition to that is I'm on Vyvanse and it just makes it way worse.
I also am a very light sleeper which also stops me from eating too much at night. I'm still in the process of fixing my sleep as well, not helping is that I hate it just as much as eating. Also lack of sleep is supposed to lead to weight gain, but just diminishes my appetite further so I can't even get that benefit.
Any tips so that I can learn to enjoy eating? Even if I gave up this kink I still need to put on muscle so I can't ignore it. Plus it would be good to actually have some pleasure with it that's not just motivated by sexual stimulation.
Note: If you want to know my current diet is mostly high calorie + high protein Hello Fresh meals, avoiding any desserts and other sugary things. The only "junk" I really have is the occasional high calorie shake with a lot of heavy cream.
1 month