General

Idk what to do?

TalkFeederToMe:
This is probably just weird vent stuff, but I genuinely don't know what to do?
I have been really finding that I'm only really happy when I'm either spending time with loved ones/friends or when I'm gaining weight.
The biggest problem being that I was genuinely starved for most, if not all, of my early life. So even getting to a "healthy weight" for my height did a lot of damage to my body.
I've tried to ignore or get away from fat stuff pertaining to me, but I genuinely can't. My partner was willing to try feeding me, but we both got uncomfortable and realized we couldn't really do that for each other. Like, I came to this realization that I don't really want to be treated as a person? I want to be a thing that exists to gain weight for amusement.
But doing so, there's not really a balance between that and maintaining a life outside of it.
And it's not even necessarily a sexual thing, it's just how my brain has wired me to live like. Like, I'm not worth anything unless someone is using me.
Idk, I'll probably delete this since it does seem more of "wow, that weirdo has issues," and yeah, I do. It's just that no one knows me, including me, and I needed to vent it somewhere that made me think at least someone cared.


Sometimes it’s ok to vent but if you’re able to talk to a therapist it would be actually helpful. I don’t think anyone here is qualified to offer much more specific advice.
1 month

Idk what to do?

TalkFeederToMe:
This is probably just weird vent stuff, but I genuinely don't know what to do?
I have been really finding that I'm only really happy when I'm either spending time with loved ones/friends or when I'm gaining weight.
The biggest problem being that I was genuinely starved for most, if not all, of my early life. So even getting to a "healthy weight" for my height did a lot of damage to my body.
I've tried to ignore or get away from fat stuff pertaining to me, but I genuinely can't. My partner was willing to try feeding me, but we both got uncomfortable and realized we couldn't really do that for each other. Like, I came to this realization that I don't really want to be treated as a person? I want to be a thing that exists to gain weight for amusement.
But doing so, there's not really a balance between that and maintaining a life outside of it.
And it's not even necessarily a sexual thing, it's just how my brain has wired me to live like. Like, I'm not worth anything unless someone is using me.
Idk, I'll probably delete this since it does seem more of "wow, that weirdo has issues," and yeah, I do. It's just that no one knows me, including me, and I needed to vent it somewhere that made me think at least someone cared.

Letters And Numbers:
Sometimes it’s ok to vent but if you’re able to talk to a therapist it would be actually helpful. I don’t think anyone here is qualified to offer much more specific advice.

Yeah.... I do see a therapist who seems to be kink and the like positive. It's just bringing up the convo and hoping no one in my living place listens in. And thanks for affirming
1 month

Idk what to do?

TalkFeederToMe:
This is probably just weird vent stuff, but I genuinely don't know what to do?
I have been really finding that I'm only really happy when I'm either spending time with loved ones/friends or when I'm gaining weight.
The biggest problem being that I was genuinely starved for most, if not all, of my early life. So even getting to a "healthy weight" for my height did a lot of damage to my body.
I've tried to ignore or get away from fat stuff pertaining to me, but I genuinely can't. My partner was willing to try feeding me, but we both got uncomfortable and realized we couldn't really do that for each other. Like, I came to this realization that I don't really want to be treated as a person? I want to be a thing that exists to gain weight for amusement.
But doing so, there's not really a balance between that and maintaining a life outside of it.
And it's not even necessarily a sexual thing, it's just how my brain has wired me to live like. Like, I'm not worth anything unless someone is using me.
Idk, I'll probably delete this since it does seem more of "wow, that weirdo has issues," and yeah, I do. It's just that no one knows me, including me, and I needed to vent it somewhere that made me think at least someone cared.

Letters And Numbers:
Sometimes it’s ok to vent but if you’re able to talk to a therapist it would be actually helpful. I don’t think anyone here is qualified to offer much more specific advice.

TalkFeederToMe:
Yeah.... I do see a therapist who seems to be kink and the like positive. It's just bringing up the convo and hoping no one in my living place listens in. And thanks for affirming


If you have a white noise machine or even put white noise on your phone and situate that outside the room you’re taking your call in, it can do a whole lot for privacy. I use that when I have to do telehealth therapy at home and I don’t have the house to myself. Good luck!
1 month

Idk what to do?

TalkFeederToMe:
This is probably just weird vent stuff, but I genuinely don't know what to do?
I have been really finding that I'm only really happy when I'm either spending time with loved ones/friends or when I'm gaining weight.
The biggest problem being that I was genuinely starved for most, if not all, of my early life. So even getting to a "healthy weight" for my height did a lot of damage to my body.
I've tried to ignore or get away from fat stuff pertaining to me, but I genuinely can't. My partner was willing to try feeding me, but we both got uncomfortable and realized we couldn't really do that for each other. Like, I came to this realization that I don't really want to be treated as a person? I want to be a thing that exists to gain weight for amusement.
But doing so, there's not really a balance between that and maintaining a life outside of it.
And it's not even necessarily a sexual thing, it's just how my brain has wired me to live like. Like, I'm not worth anything unless someone is using me.
Idk, I'll probably delete this since it does seem more of "wow, that weirdo has issues," and yeah, I do. It's just that no one knows me, including me, and I needed to vent it somewhere that made me think at least someone cared.

Letters And Numbers:
Sometimes it’s ok to vent but if you’re able to talk to a therapist it would be actually helpful. I don’t think anyone here is qualified to offer much more specific advice.

TalkFeederToMe:
Yeah.... I do see a therapist who seems to be kink and the like positive. It's just bringing up the convo and hoping no one in my living place listens in. And thanks for affirming

Letters And Numbers:
If you have a white noise machine or even put white noise on your phone and situate that outside the room you’re taking your call in, it can do a whole lot for privacy. I use that when I have to do telehealth therapy at home and I don’t have the house to myself. Good luck!

Thank you!
1 month

Idk what to do?

I don't think there's anything wrong with you having a relationship dynamic like the one you described if that's what you like. I guess what I don't understand is why it would be impossible to maintain a balance with the outside world? Going by discussions on fetlife, it seems there are a lot of people with these sorts of lifestyle D/s dynamics who manage to make it work. It's all about compartmentalizing how you are at home from how you are outside, and you'll have to "perform" being human some of the time. There might also be some subtle ways for your partner to remind you of your role when you're out together that won't draw attention.
1 month

Idk what to do?

Malvineous:
I don't think there's anything wrong with you having a relationship dynamic like the one you described if that's what you like. I guess what I don't understand is why it would be impossible to maintain a balance with the outside world? Going by discussions on fetlife, it seems there are a lot of people with these sorts of lifestyle D/s dynamics who manage to make it work. It's all about compartmentalizing how you are at home from how you are outside, and you'll have to "perform" being human some of the time. There might also be some subtle ways for your partner to remind you of your role when you're out together that won't draw attention.


Nah, this is something different.

Subs submit because it gives them pleasure. OP wants to be used because he feels like that's all he's worth. That's not a power dynamic kink. That's self-loathing.
1 month

Idk what to do?

Agreed with Munchies in the way i read it. It's an important distinction - and one that their therapist should be able to help with (I hope).

OP - you are a unique creation in all of the universe. You are entitled to happiness, and to pursue a sense of self-identity and value. I encourage you to elaborate further with your therapist - we are all here encouraging you to pursue personal enjoyment and satisfaction in your life.
1 month